Harry Potter I: Facebook Feed Edition

Chapter 17

Harry Potter sent Quirinus Quirrell an accusatory finger point.

Harry Potter wrote on Quirinus Quirrell's wall: YOU!

Quirinus Quirrell:That's right, me. I've been wondering when you'd come around.

Harry Potter: Hey! You fixed your stutter!

Harry Potter: Okay, I've actually read your comment (I was distracted by the lack of stuttering the first go around), and you've got to be kidding me! You were literally at the bottom of my list of suspects. EVEN Binns was ahead of you, for cripe's sake! I thought it was Snape for sure!

Quirinus Quirrell:HA. Yes, he does seem like the cretin. But he was actually stalking me. If you read his list of interests, "stalking Quirrell," "following Quirrell," and other such activities are listed.

Harry Potter: But that was under my interests, too! I thought it was just a joke! I didn't think you were actually suspicious! I mean Snape tried to kill me!

Quirinus Quirrell:Nah, that was all me, baby. It totally would've worked, too, if only your know-it-all friend, Granger, didn't knock me over and break my eye contact! And Snape, of course, was muttering that countercurse...so I actually didn't really stand a chance...but I DEFINITELY COULD'VE KILLED YOU THEN.

Harry Potter:o_O Snape was trying to SAVE me? Pull the other one!

Quirinus Quirrell:I don't joke. Why else would he want to ref your next match? It definitely wasn't to fulfull a lifelong dream of being a Quidditch referee! But whatevs, it's all for nothing, since I'm going to kill you anyway. Right now.

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Quirinus Quirrell sent Harry Potter binding ropes.

Quirinus Quirrell wrote on Harry Potter's wall: You're too nosy to live, Potter. It's disgusting – it's almost in the same league of annoyance as Granger's intellect. On Halloween, I almost killed you for your insolence...scurrying around the school like that.

Harry Potter: You let the troll in?

Quirinus Quirrell:No SHIT. I have a special gift with trolls.

Harry Potter: That's not something to be boastful about...

Quirinus Quirrell;SHUT UP, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. You saw what I did to the one back there! But Snape, who was already suspicious of me, tried to head me off on Halloween. That day was such a fail – not only did the troll fail to kill you, Fluffy didn't even tear off Snape's leg properly. Now, I just need you to stfu so I can examine this mirror...

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Harry Potter cannot believe this. The Mirror of Erised is HERE? (sent from mobile)

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Quirinus Quirrell cannot, for the life of him, figure out how to get the Stone from this mirror! (sent from mobile)

(Harry Potter likes this.)

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Harry Potter Operation: Distract Quirrell From Bringing About the Return of Voldemort (DQFBATROV) is in effect until Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore gets down here...HELP! (sent from mobile)