Harry Potter I: Facebook Feed Edition

Chapter 11

Rubeus Hagrid is defrosting broomsticks on the Quidditch field. Why Rolanda Hooch isn't doing such a Quidditch-related task, I shall never know. (sent from mobile)

Rolanda Hooch: That's because cleaning is YOUR job.

Rubeus Hagrid: Actually, my job pertains to the keys and grounds of Hogwarts. I don't recall cleaning brooms being part of my job description! If it were, it would be part of my title. So...

Rolanda Hooch: ...Just do it.

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Oliver Wood IT'S QUIDDITCH SEASON, Y'ALL!

(Oliver Wood, Harry Potter, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, and 24 others like this.)

Oliver Wood: GO GRYFFINDOR!

Marcus Flint: As if! SNAKES RULE!

Ravenclaw Qudditch Captain '91-'92: Honestly, Gryffindor and Slytherin are so childish. Quidditch is just a sport, for Merlin's sake. What's most important as our education here at this fantastic school of learning.

Oliver Wood:EVERYTHING IS ABOUT QUIDDITCH. FORGET EDUCATION.

Hufflepuff Qudditch Captain '91-'92:Why do we have to have such horrible rivalries? Why can't we work together and become better players together?

Marcus Flint:SOD OFF, HUFFLEPUFF LOSER. Imma kill your team next!

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Harry Potter has no idea how his position on the Gryffindor team got leaked!

Ronald Weasley: Are you serious, mate? Wood practically wrote it as his status everyday, McGonagall has been taunting Snape in the corridors on a regular basis, and I recall you shoving having a Nimbus Two-Thousand in Malfoy's face in the Great Hall last week.

Harry Potter: NO CLUE AT ALL! NOPE, NOT A SINGLE CLUE!

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Neville Longbottom wrote on Harry Potter's wall: You're going to be brilliant!

Draco Malfoy wrote on Harry Potter's wall: Crabbe and Goyle will be running around underneath you with a mattress! But then once you fall, we'll pull it away so you can land on your fat face! LOLZ.

Harry Potter: ...

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Harry Potter is surprised to say this, but he's rather lucky that Hermione Jean Granger is his friend now.

(Hermione Jean Granger likes this.)

Ronald Weasley: TRAITOR!

Harry Potter: I'M SORRY, but she's actually really useful – she practically does my homework now. And she lent me a sweet book: Quidditch Through the Ages, which has turned out to be an interesting read.

Ronald Weasley: I'M LOSING YOU, HARRY. YOU'RE TURNING INTO HER! SINCE WHEN DO YOU LIKE TO READ?

Hermione Jean Granger: Oh, stop overreacting, Ronald! And stop worrying – it's not like I'm going to try and ruin your quasi-relationship with him. I wouldn't dare try to mess with that!