Chapter One

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Vernon Dursley would just like to say he enjoys normalcy, everything perfectly normal, nothing strange, that's good life for you.

(Petunia Dursley likes this.)

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Vernon Dursley would like to address this question to fellow Facebookers: should cats be able to read newspapers? This is a 100% serious question. I think I know the answer, but I could be wrong.

Petunia Dursley: No, they shouldn't be, dear.

Vernon Dursley: I thought as much. It must've been a trick of the light.

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: Yes, it is completely normal for any animal to do so if they put their hearts into it ;) do not worry, you are just as sane as I am.

Vernon Dursley: WTF! Who the hell are you?

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: My name is clearly written out in an easy-to-read font, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Or just Dumbledore for short ;)

Vernon Dursley: STOP THE HELL WITH THE WINKS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, IT CREEPS ME OUT. But seriously though, it's such a stupid name, and who on earth tag themselves in posts?

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: Ah, but this is Facebook, your question was aimed at "Facebookers" giving me the right to answer. Plus, Vernon Dursley is not much of a good name either.

Dudley Dursley: dsyu9f8qw5fr8itphi8

Petunia Dursley: Oh dear, little Dudder got hold of the key board again. So proud of him, know how to type already at such a young age :')

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Vernon Dursley is on his lunch break – FINALLY! Come on, everyone, are we working hard or hardly working? You're not paid to sit around.

4 people are fans of Smash a window at Durley House, Egging Vernon Dursley's Home, Bitching About Vernon Dursley

Vernon Dursley: Idiot think he could just take my doughnut without asking! The nerve of some people.

5 people are fans of Smash a window at Durley House, Egging Vernon Dursley's Home, Bitching About Vernon Dursley

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Vernon Dursley: Wonders what's with all these people in cloaks, YOU ALL LOOK FREAKING STUPID.

(Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore likes this)

Vernon Dursley: WTF?!

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Vernon Dursley wrote on Petunia Dursley's wall: What the hell was the name of your sister's kid? Don't panic. This isn't actually as urgent as I made it seem. But try to get back to me ASAP.

Petunia Dursley: You know how I feel about them FREAKS, and it's Harry. Horribly common name, if you ask me. Oh and Little Dudley's learnt to say a new word "WON'T". :D

(Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore likes this)

Dudley Dursley: wejigossdgkf

Vernon Dursley wrote on Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore's wall: WTF?

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: ;)

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Vernon Dursley is proud. And a little confused as to why his son has a Facebook to begin with. But still proud. And PISSED at this Dumbusbore.

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: My name is written clearly right here, so even IF you're at complete loss, you could just copy and paste my name.

Vernon Dursley: shut up, shut up, shut up! Stop stalking me, you freak!

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: oh but we will meet again, until next time ;)

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Vernon Dursley: Why the hell is that cat still here! First some Arnold what's-his-face and now this stupid cat! So much for posting Normality is good..ARE YOU DOING THIS ON PURPOSE? YOU'RE ALL FIRED!

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Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore is now on Privet Drive! (Sent from mobile)

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Minerva McGonagall RIP Lily and James Potter. (Sent from mobile)

(Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and 7,000 others like this.)

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Rubeus Hagrid is now on Privet Drive! With Harry! (Sent from mobile)

(Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and 5,684,890 others like this.)

Rubeus Hagrid became a fan of Motocycles.

Harry Potter has joined Facebook.

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore wrote on Harry Potter's wall: Good luck.

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sent Vernon Dursley and Petunia Dursley a baby and a letter.

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Petunia Dursley ARGHHHHHHHHH! Woke up to a baby outside the door, DAMN THAT DUMBLEDORE!

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: At least you got my name right ;)

Dudley Dursley poked Harry Potter.

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Dedalus Diggle: To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!

(Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and 6,784,965 others like this.)


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