Harry Potter I: Facebook Feed Edition

Chapter 9

Harry Potter and I thought Dudley Dursley was bad – Draco Malfoy is the biggest pain in the backside ever.

(Draco Malfoy likes this.)

Dudley Dursley: Wait...are you saying that you found someone who makes you MORE miserable than ME?

Harry Potter:Yeah, basically.

Dudley Dursley: DISLIKE! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE YOU MISERABLE.

Harry Potter:  Well, it looks like you lost that title. Sucks, doesn't it? Look on the  bright side: you get me all to yourself during the summer months.

Dudley Dursley: Hm, that does make me feel better. Thanks, Potty-head. See you in June, freak! xox

Harry Potter: ?

____________________________________________________________

Harry Potter is really excited for flying lessons! Although couldn't Gryffindor be paired with some other house?

(Ronald Weasley and 35 others like this.)

Ronald Weasley:  Yeah, Malfoy has been going on and on about being trained by a  professional Quidditch player ever since he could walk. But I'm 60% sure  it's a load of talk.

Harry Potter: Are you for real? Oh god – I'm going to suck!

Ronald Weasley:  Chin up, old sport! You may be the most amazing Quidditch player to  have ever come to Hogwarts, for all we know! And let's face it, this is  pretty much guaranteed since you have SO much going for you to BEGIN  with.

Harry Potter: Do we have to go through that exercise again, Ron? Repeat: My life is better than Harry's, really. Harry wants my life. Okay?

Ronald Weasley: My life is better than Harry's, really. Harry wants my life.

Harry Potter: Make sure you repeat that every night before you go to sleep.

Ronald Weasley: Should I do it before or after my prayers?

Harry Potter:  ...I don't care. Just do it before bed so that it will get ingrained in  your head, and then maybe we can prevent a future incident that involves  us not talking due to your insane rage of jealousy over the suckage  that is my life.

____________________________________________________________

Ronald Weasley, Draco Malfoy and 120 others joined the group Near-death experiences on brooms.

Draco Malfoy wrote on Near-death experiences on brooms's  wall: So when I was two, because I was definitely flying at that age, I  had gotten too high to my mother's liking, and I narrowly missed being  hit by Muggles in helicopters.

Ronald Weasley wrote on Near-death experiences on brooms's wall: I almost hit a hang glider on my older brother Charlie's old broom!

____________________________________________________________

Ronald Weasley wrote on Dean Thomas's wall: What's this piece of shit on our dorm wall?

Dean Thomas: You mean my football poster?

Ronald Weasley: Get that weak shit outta here!

Dean Thomas: That's a rather rude command – it's on the wall next to my bed, making it my space. Also, football is a great sport.

Ronald Weasley: MUGGLE SPORTS ARE NOT AS EXCITING AS QUIDDITCH.

Dean Thomas:Have you even BEEN to a Muggle sporting event? They're very fun!