Flightless Bird

Chapter 24

"God, I'm never going to get this right!" I shouted at myself, throwing my lines at the wall for the fourth time. I only had five minutes of break left to practise, and I barely knew my lines. Not only had I ruined half of my relationships, but I had also ruined my already slim chances of actually doing a good audition. I took some deep breaths, then picked up my script from the carpeted floor and began to read, letting my voice fill the empty room.

"Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband?

Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name

When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?

But wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin?

That...cousin, no, villain husband, no, villain cousin killed would have killed my husband? D/mmit!" I cried again, flinging the sheets onto my bed. I knew all the words were in my head somewhere, I just had trouble getting them to come out all in the right order at the right time. I had just picked up my words again to have another go when the bell rang, signalling the start of Biology and the end of my last chance to rehearse. The next time I said those words, it would be make or break. The walk down the stairs and to the labs was not something I remember. All I could think about was the audition, telling Charlie, missing Jacob. Faces flew across my eyes, and the morning scenery was lost to me. I saw no trees or rolling hills, but a pale boy, with beautiful eyes and raven hair. Instead of lakes and willows I saw brown hair, flashing with gold. Instead of a bright sun, I saw a warm smile and blonde hair framing a happy face. Eventually I snapped myself out of it because I realised how melodramatic I was being. Really, I was making it sound like I was dying. And then I almost did, when I walked into the lab and Charlie was sitting in the seat next to mine. His face lit up when I came over, his smile broadened when I pulled my chair out, and his eyes sparkled when I turned to face him. That all fell away when my first words were,

"I hope you're happy now."

"Happy about what?" he asked, sending me back some of the same notes of bitterness I had just shot at him.

"I told Jacob. He hates me, and so do Jayson and Lexi," I replied angrily. Adam frowned,

"Why would you tell them? Don't blame me for your stupid mistake!"

"You're right, it was a stupid mistake. That's why I had to tell them," I said spitefully. Adam turned his face away like I had slapped him.

"If you regret it so much," he began after a moment, "then why did you do it?"

I studied his face in profile, the way his hair fell over one eye and how his chin jutted out, both strong and petulant.

"You know," I replied icily, "I've been asking myself the same question all morning." This time Adam turned his whole body so that he was facing the front of the room. So that I almost didn't catch him mutter,

"I was so wrong about you."

"Why?" I demanded, "do the other girls not kiss and tell?"

"The other girls are all idiotic, shallow and far too concerned with what everyone else thinks of them. I didn't think you were like that, but obviously I was mistaken. You're just as self involved as the next girl," he informed me, barely looking at me.

"I don't care what everyone thinks. I care about what the people I love most think. And I care about how I think about myself, and right now I kind of hate myself. But I guess you would say all that self loathing is just more self indulgent b/llsh/t, right?" I asked sarkily, throwing the words at him like they were knives. At least I knew they stung by the way he flinched. I'm sad to report that Charlie wasn't much conversation after that, so I spent the rest of the lesson going over lines in my head, both for the play and for Jacob. I also had a job of avoiding Adam's looks, which grew more and more desperate every time until, by the end of the lesson, he was crowing my name across the room and throwing bits of rubber at me. When the bell rang, he grabbed his things and made his way over to me as fast as he could. Before he reached me, I managed to get a quick word to Charlie, as I hissed,

"Don't say anything to Jacob. Please."

He spun, winked, then called out nonchalantly,

"I wouldn't dream of it!"

I was stunned by his sudden mood swing, and I didn't notice Adam barrel into me until he was flinging himself over the desk in front of me and gasping,

"We need to talk."

Shoot.