Flightless Bird

Chapter 32

Kerri's P.O.V

After I left talking to Anna, I went to Jacob's room to see if he was there, but couldn't find him. I had a weird feeling about it, but couldn't seem to put my finger on why. He must be somewhere, and he was probably studying or something. Nevertheless, I went to the one person that I wanted to see right now. I walked slowly to his room, thinking about what I should say. Nothing seemed to sum it up right, considering what had happened earlier. It wasn't fair of me to do this, I had just broken up their friendship and now I was asking them to fix it for me, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't have my best friends and my boyfriend at odds. I knocked tentatively on the door, half-hoping that he wouldn't answer. I was to be disappointed, since he opened almost straight away. If he was a girl, I would have said he had been crying. But he wasn't, so obviously there was no way. Boys didn't cry.

"I can come back later," I said as soon as I saw him. Somehow, I didn't think Adam looked in the mood to chat right now.

"No, it's fine. What's up?" he asked, being the good friend as always.

"I actually came here to tell you something kinda important," I said, but before I could continue he stopped me with his frank words,

"I know. Lexi told me."

"Oh."

"I'ts fine Kerri," he said with a pained smile, "I'm...happy for you."

"Thank you," I said, pulling him into a hug. His arms went around me, but the hug was strained. It was like half of him didn't want to be anywhere near me, while the other half was holding on for dear life. I pulled away after a second, because I didn't want to make it worse. I gave him another smile, then said,

"I should go..."

He looked at me then, pulling his eyes from the floor in a movement that seemed to take forever. As he did the light caught his eyes, and I could swear they were practically brimming. In a swift movement, I was back again and pulling him into a desperate hug; my mouth next to his ear, whispering miserably into his ear,

"I am not worth your tears."

"Still," was all he said.

I pulled away for the second time.

"I'm so sorry Adam. Truly."

I rushed to the door, pulling it open and rushing out as fast as I could. Still, I wasn't fast enough to miss his withering remark of,

"Of course you are."

Dashing away, not looking where I was going, who else would I have the misfortune to run into than the one who had caused all this mess (at least in my mind).

"Kerri!" he gasped, shocked from my sudden impact.

"Charlie. I...I have to go," I mumbled, blundering away just as blindly as before. He called something out to me, shouting something about a conversation, but I was gone. The thought that was becoming with every second in my mind more of a definite fact, or losing one of my best friends, was tearing a hole somewhere in me that I wasn't sure even existed, let alone could be damaged. One of two people who stuck by me unconditionally here, after all my mistakes, was now alone in his room and most probably crying over a girl who it seemed cared only about herself, and less and less about the people who cared about her when she needed it. I knew Adam would take this badly. Even as I walked back with Jacob earlier I was thinking to myself that the person I was going to hurt most with this news was Adam. And not just because of how he felt, but because of the things I had done to cause that. I had been like him, but when I did it it was flirting. See, when a boy is flirty all the time, it's just natural charm. When a girl does it, all hell breaks loose. Yet I was never aware that I even flirted with people. Only when I realised that my only real female friend was the only other girl in this school universally disliked because of her relationship with boys did I begin to realise the odd effect I had on people. As Lexi had once put it; they all seemed to fall for me. I hated it. I know a lot of girls here that would kill for that (some very literally), but to me it was just one more thing that made me an outsider. One more thing that had always made it hard for me to make friends with girls. And girls need to be friends with other girls, they just do. Even if its only one person.

I could not afford to lose Lexi in the middle of this; if I did I thought I might just go completely mad. I was already seeing things today, earlier I had 'seen' some weirdo spying on me and Anna talking. But maybe that was just me.