sue me | joshler ✓

EIGHT

"i'll see you in an hour okay?" laura said to josh as they pulled up to the doctors office. josh mumbled an "okay" before getting out of the car getting jim out as well. josh and jim walked in the office and up to the front desk.

"name?" the lady asked boredly.

"um i-im joshua dun, i'm here for dr. parker" he said anxiety settling in. she smiled and nodded and typed on her computer.

"okay i got you checked in, she will see you as soon as she can" josh walked over to the chairs and sat down boredly. he hated coming here. hated talking about what was wrong with him. he hated it here.

"joshua?" his head snapped up at his name. he grabbed jims leash and they walked into her office.

"take a seat joshua" dr. parker said as she grabbed her laptop.

"it's just josh and you know this" he sighed as he took a seat on the couch, jim laying down at his feet. she nodded her head and opened her laptop and pulled up his file.

"i see you brought jim" she pointed out. he nodded. "yeah, it's nice out." josh said quietly, picking with his nails.

"how old is he again?" dr. parker asked as she began typing. josh smiled slightly.

"he just turned one. we got this dog cupcake mix and made him cupcakes" josh beamed as he rubbed jim with his foot. dr. parker smiled. "he's gotten quite bit hasn't he?"

"yeah"

dr. parker began looking through his files and typing things down.

"so joshua-"

"it's josh." he corrected her.

"right, josh. so you're still on latuda for your bipolar depression, correct?" not speaking, josh nodded his head.

"and you go to columbus high?" she asked josh.

"you ask me the same damn questions every week, so you should know these by now" josh snapped which caught dr. parker off guard.

"i see." she replied. josh immediately felt bad.

"sorry." he mumbled looking down at his lap. she waved him off. "it's fine. how have you been feeling lately, josh?" dr. parker asked.

"angry and sad" dr. parker hummed and typed away in her computer. "and why do you feel that way?" she asked the boy. he shrugged. he didn't feel like talking today.

"does it have to do with tyler?" josh lifted his head up at the mention of tyler's name. "what? why would anything have to do with tyler?" he snapped, anger flowing through his body.

"i mean you've been talking about him since freshman year, which is when you started coming to see me" she calmly said. josh gripped the couch until his knuckles were white.

"he has nothing to do with anything!" josh yelled at his therapist. she nodded her head. "joshua calm do-" josh cut her off by slamming his fists onto the table.

"no i am tired of everyone telling me to calm down, how about you calm the fuck down?" both dr parker and jim jumped at the sound.

"c'mon jim" he called to the dog. dr. parker grabbed his wrist. "joshua please, sit down" he yanked his arm back and shook his head.

"no fuck this, i hate it here"

josh walked out the doctors office and down the street. a million thoughts were running through josh's head. he was so stupid. so fucking stupid. he pulled out his phone to text his mom.

josh: don't worry about picking me up.
laura: did you leave again josh?

ignoring the text he put his phone in his pocket and walked towards the forest. his phone kept buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out seeing the texts from his mom.

laura: josh?
laura: josh please answer, don't do this honey.

he turned his phone off and walked deep into the forest. jim whined and licked josh's hand.

"i'm sorry jimmy, i'm so sorry" he whispered as he sat down next to to a tree, tears burning into his eyes. he hated himself. he wished he could just be normal. he wished he wasn't bipolar. he wish he wasn't gay. he wish he wasn't alive.

josh stayed in the forest for a while, crying and thinking. he would always come to the forest to get away from reality. when he noticed it started to get dark. sighing, him and jim got up and walked home.

when josh opened the door to his house he was engulfed into a hug.

"josh don't do that ever again, we were so worried" laura said to her son. when they pulled apart he looked at his siblings and saw their sad faces. he was hurting them. he was hurting everyone around him.

"i'm sorry mama" he choked out as tears started filling into his eyes. abbie saw the tears and jumped on him.

"don't cry bubbie, no more" she said as she hugged him. josh smiled slightly and he hugged her tightly.

"how about we go to your favorite pizza place, son?" bill asked josh. he smiled and nodded. he needed a good distraction and his family knew.

"everything will work itself out honey, i promise" laura whispered as she squeezed josh's hand.