sue me | joshler ✓

THIRTY TWO

"leave me alone. don't talk to me. don't talk about me. don't even look at me. we're done with whatever this is." josh told tyler as he stormed off.

tyler's eyes started to burn and he shut them tightly to not let any tears fall down his face. hearing those words come out of josh's mouth made his throat clench and his heart numb. the worst part is, is that it's all his fault. he knew what was going to happen in the end, yet he let all of this continue.

he heard the bell ring and he took a deep breath, knowing he had this next class with josh. he quickly pushed passed people and kept his head down, because he knew he was going to burst into tears.

"don't cry don't cry don't cry." he whispered to himself as he walked in the classroom. tyler quickly looked up and scanned the room and didn't see josh. he took his seat and his lip started wobbling when he realized that josh left early.

because of him.

tyler didn't know how josh was right now or if he was even safe and the thought of something happening to him made him want to sit and sob.

god tyler just wanted to go home.

the rest of the school day seemed to drag on. when 3:00 hit, tyler rushed out the school, ignoring everyone who tried to speak to him. he had a lot to think about and being in that damn school wasn't helping at all.

when tyler got into his jeep, he slammed his hands on his steering wheel, earning looks from other kids in the parking lot. he ignored it though and pulled out of the school parking lot and went home. when he got home, he pushed passed his parents and went up to his room, immediately diving under his covers.

he sat there and thought about everything that had happened today. seeing josh look so sad because of him, threw tyler into a small panic attack.

"fuck." he whispered as he tried to calm himself down. he tried a few breathing techniques josh had showed him and eventually, he finally managed to calm down.

awhile of contemplating, he knew that telling jenna everything was the right thing to do. tyler knew that if he waited any longer, it would be 10 times worse than it already seemed to be.

with shaky hands, he pulled out his phone to text jenna.

tyler: can we talk?
jenna: uh oh. that's never good. is everything okay?
tyler: please just come over.

after sending that last text he sat at the end of his bed. his leg shaking and his body was filled with anxiety.

when jenna arrived, she opened the door and sat down next to him. "what's wrong?" she asked him worriedly.

"we have to break up." tyler blurted.

jenna's facial expressions fell and her eyes began to water. "w-what? why?" she asked sadly.

tyler saw the tears and sighed, trying not to cry in front of her. that was the last thing she needed right now.

"i'm sorry." he said quietly.

"why do we have to break up, tyler?" she repeated but this time more forcefully.

tyler looked at her guiltily. "jenna..." he trailed.

"you said you would never break up with me." jenna spoke, voice cracking as tears streamed down her face. tyler went to hug her but she flinched away.

"no! don't touch me! I can't believe this happening right now." jenna sobbed

tyler felt horrible.

"what happened? did I do something to make you not love me anymore? I don't unders—"

"jenna i'm gay." tyler admitted, cutting her off mid sentence.

she looked at him with wide eyes. "what?" she asked quietly. tyler took a deep breath before finally admitting everything.

"I cheated," he started, not once looking up at jenna.

"I did the worst thing possible and cheated on you. It was with josh dun. I'm sorry." he whispered the last part.

he noticed jenna didn't speak for a while, the only sound in the room were her sniffles. tyler eventually couldn't handle the silence anymore and turned towards her and began speaking.

"look i'm so sorry. i've tried and tried to keep this feeling deep deep down inside of me and i've tried to love you jenna, but I can't. i'm tired of pretending. we can still be bestfriends, like how it was when we were little. I don't want to lose you." tyler begged. everyone in his life was slowly leaving him and it was his own fault.

jenna collected herself and stood up. "you lost me whenever you lead me on." she walked out tyler's room with a slam. tyler didn't cry. he ran out of tears a long time ago. he just sat there, staring at his wall.