Absent Student | KomaHina

Chapter 10

a/n: I'm sorry for the delay. It's quite hard for me to find time for writing and posting chapters of my fics since I have other hobbies and stuff I wanna and need to do x'0 Thank you for over 1k reads and 100 votes on this story btw, I appreciate it <3

Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy reading the chapter! 

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I woke up the next day in a rather good mood. In spite of my situation being rather not good I had lots of occasions to get used to some things and the way they were, so the last day's conversation hadn't influenced me as much as I thought it would. I looked at my left arm and couldn't help but feel miserable. It was full of wounds, most of them not that deep, but there were just so many of them... I felt.. that I ruined myself. But what could I do? Self-harm was my only remedy since middle school. As a kid I hadn't known of that way of dealing with stress but I tended to dig my nails deeply into my skin while trying to suppress my emotions... so I guess it always was within me either way.

I dressed up a long-sleeved white shirt, light brown sweater and a black jacket; I'd always preferred to dress up lots of clothing layers, even in summer. Luckily it was rather cold now, so it didn't seem weird to anyone.. yet. However, in middle school I was quite known and for always being dressed up that way, luckily, others didn't care much about it since they assumed I just was intolerant towards cold temperatures. I have to admit that I was constantly mocked about it though.

"Okay.." I breathed in and out while fixing my hair. My cheeks heated up as I thought about meeting Komaeda after school. No matter how cliché it sounded, he was my only hope in this screwed up world. It seemed off since I was perfectly fine by myself before I had met him, but he changed me. I started believing again.. both in people and love. I still had in my head a vivid memory of him pointing the gun at himself. Thinking back, I feel like I'd known how selfish of me it was to stop him. After all, I understood him to some point but more than anything I needed him alive. I couldn't let him go back then.

I clenched my hand into a fist and went to school straight away. Sometimes, I would eat breakfast outside home but today I didn't feel like eating.

I went past the school gate; my eyes weren't stuck on the ground anymore. All in all, it wasn't like I had a really low self-esteem because of all the things I kept hearing from my parents. I knew my value.. or I deeply hoped that I had a value. Either way, I didn't even consider admiting that I was hopeless. Although being positive wasn't my thing at all—I was rather pessimistic even—but no matter how much despair I was forced to see around me, I wanted to move forward. And for now, Komaeda was that something which helped me to do it. I was more than thankful that he in some way needed me.

"Hey, dude!" I received a firm hit on my left arm and had to swallow down a whimper that almost left past my lips. "F-fuck! Do you wanna kill me?" I cursed and he raised one eyebrow at me. "I didn't know you were so sensitive, gosh..." he said with remorse, nonetheless, I didn't take his concern as being nice or sorry for delivering me a great pain. It felt to me more like mocking even though it probably wasn't his intention. "Anyway.. I've been wondering since yesterday. Yukizome-sensei said you've been at Komaeda's before, right?" I groaned. I didn't consider him as a person who would think a lot. Who would've thought that he for once would use his own head? I decided to ignore the thought, I felt like it's high time I ended with my secret pleasure to roast him. "Haha.. let's not talk about it. I was.. ehh.. just passing by, 'kay?" I said something which wasn't a lie neither truth. Something perfectly in-between, like most of the things I tended to say.

"Oh, please. Don't get so worked up!!" he laughed loudly. Too loudly, if I was asked. "I was just kinda curious. I know that Nanami, as our class president, visited him once too, so it's not like it's something weird.. I think." he said hesitantly. My heart thumped. I saw my chance there. "Did she? And.. did her visit h.. help him somehow?" I looked on the side. I gulped down my anxiety.