Absent Student | KomaHina

Chapter 19

a/n: Sorry for the delay! I've been up to many different things lately, but I've managed to work on this story a bit. I'm already working on another chapter too. Enjoy reading and have a good day~

***

Junko was a freaking weirdo. But surprisingly unrelated to anything that had happened to Komaeda and Mahiru. I had no intention of putting up with school anymore so I sneaked out of the school and to my room, surprisingly enough to cram for the next week’s exams. I wasn’t a nerd but it was nice to get my mind off of things that were bugging me and making me feel down and lonely. Oh right.. he’ll be going to our school to take the exams with us, won’t he? As I realized it, I didn’t know if I should feel happy or sad. I think it wouldn’t be weird to feel both emotions equally though.

Even if we were close to breaking up, I still loved him. I wanted to see him, even if just a glimpse of his face. So I was getting ready for painful hours of occasionally glancing at him and yet not having the guts to actually talk to him after any exam. Not because I was a coward, but because I didn’t want to impose myself on him.

I spent the weekend learning and thinking about Komaeda nonstop. I was stuck in a loop of learning, worrying about him, blaming myself and missing him. On the Monday morning, when I looked into the mirror, I was repulsed by my own reflection. I looked even worse than usually due to tiredness and my hair looking like a wild, sentient bush. “God.. when was the last time I had a haircut?” I traced my hand through the mess. “What did he find attractive about me?” I laughed with a hint of joy apparent in my voice. Just thinking about the day we’d started dating cheered me up.

On my way to school I noticed Chiaki, Sonia and Souda creepily tagging along to the girls. He seemed to be fond of Sonia and didn’t try to hide it. Even though I blamed myself for the events that had transpired on the day when I’d brought Komaeda to the classroom with me, I wasn’t blaming only myself. I blamed Nanami and Souda just as much, so I couldn’t help feeling bitter about ever thinking of being friends with them.

Souda must’ve noticed me, because he shouted at me. “Hey!” he waved at me but his hand froze as if I turned it into ice by my cold stare. “N-Nevermind..” he muttered. “What?” asked the girl next to him. He blushed bashfully and made an attempt at not looking awkward. “Not you, Sonia-san! I-I was just.. you know… ughh.” He gave up. You fucking idiot. I chuckled. Even though I was close to hating them, there was a small part of me that just wanted to forget about my grudges and talk with them about random, stupid shit.

When looking ahead of me I swear I saw a glimpse of Komaeda’s marshmallow, cloud-like hair in the crowd of students. “Komaeda..” I whispered quietly. “Damn, I miss you so much.” I pouted trying to absorb any possible tears escaping.

It felt like a blink of a second when I found myself already seated at an assigned desk looking down on my exam sheet. It was going to be a horrible yet blessed week. The thought of being able to see him was keeping my spirits up, after all. 

And so each day was a blessing in disguise. Any doubt I had about giving up the fight for Komaeda vanished. Just seeing him reminded me that any struggles would be worth going through, if they resulted in helping him and giving me any possibility to make up with him.

A few days later the time to check the exam results had come. When I saw Komaeda’s name at the very top, I couldn’t help but feel proud. I was happy I could at least be proud of him, sadly I didn’t do nearly as good as him. “I should definitely ask him to tutor me once things get better between us.” I nodded to myself with determination.