Absent Student | KomaHina

Chapter 28

After I'd taken a shower, Komaeda advised me to take some rest. "You need it, Hinata-kun. You were cleaning around this whole place, weren't you?" He ruffled my hair caringly, gazing at me with warm, gratitude filled eyes. "I appreciate your hard work, but next time don't push yourself, okay?"

I pouted out of embarrassment more than anything. "Y-yhm... I'm sorry, I thought I'd be able to handle it on my own." He chuckled, he sounded really worried. "That's cute but again, you need to keep in mind your health. You were fainting a lot recently and running out of strength quickly... It's worrying. I don't want it to get worse, you know?" I nodded, "Yhm, I understand. I'll be careful." He smiled brightly in response. "Good." Then he went ahead, leaving me alone in his room.

The silence of my surroundings prompted me to think about things that had happened recently. If I could stop my brain from doing that, I'd be much better off, but my mind had a will of its own. I thought back to yesterday and my family drama. Honestly, the events that took place seemed far closer to what you'd expect to see in a soap opera rather than experience in real life and it was making me feel like shit. I didn't have much expectations or hopes regarding my family life but it'd be a lie if I said I wasn't bothered by things going downhill just like that. I've already known for years that my mother wasn't very happy with neither me nor dad but I was hoping she'd express some kind of remorse before leaving us behind. As if she'd ever realize her wrongdoing...

There was something else on my mind though. Something I had mixed feelings about and it was related to the talk I had with my dad. I'd already pretty much given up on hoping for my relationship with either of my parents to improve so he wasn't an exclusion. He'd been on mom's side ever since I remember, even though he hated her so much. He'd never stopped my mom when she was belittling me, furthermore, was complicit in it. I was given plenty of reasons for me to think that he didn't care about me and that my sole existence was a disappointment to him. That's why... I didn't know what to feel anymore after what he'd told me. The memory of our talk played back in my head:

~

"Can we talk for a bit before you go?" I was confused. It was rare for him to want to talk with me and I was already getting worried about what he wanted from me. "I'll be waiting by the car with Yuriko-neesan." Said Komaeda before going ahead.

I sat down. "So... what do you want?" I asked calmly, trying my hardest to not come off too rude. "Just to apologize to you. I'm sure you're well aware of it by now–" he laughed quietly. "Excuse me." He cleared his throat. "Your mom and I aren't on good terms and I don't remember if we'd ever been. Back when we were young we were happy together, until I got to know that she married me only because of my profession which she thought would secure a wonderful future for her. That did not happen or at least she wasn't happy enough with her life with us, and became bitter." I felt awkward listening to that. I didn't know why he was telling me about it after all that happened between us.

"And so did I. I didn't want to become this miserable and drag you into our relationship issues but I lost myself in this hopeless situation." Then he let out a long sigh. "I still remember so well when you were little how happy I was to have a kid, I still am, but... I know that didn't come through at all. I'm sorry, Hajime." I supported my chin on my hand. "What are you getting at?" I was running out of patience. Is he feeling bad about not being a good father figure to me and trying to excuse it? I don't have time for that.

He groaned. "Well... the truth is that I've been worried about you. You haven't been coming back home much and soon are going to disappear off to another school, aren't you? I just want to make sure you'll be safe wherever you go, that's it really." He smiled weakly. It's my first time hearing he was ever worried about me, at least in a positive way. As I was thinking about it, I processed our talk so far and came to a realization. Wait. Is he actually trying to be a good dad now that I'm gonna leave? His timing is a joke, honestly.