"Why couldn't you ever just choose me?
Are you really that scared of me?" I said defensively
He took a long breath
I hadn't thought
he was going to respond
because he never has
when I get like this
demanding answers
He usually runs
But the words spilled from his mouth
"Yes, and I can't have you because I fuck everything up. I would love nothing more
than to let myself be with you" He said,
running his hands through his hair.
"You know I love you." He said,
eyes meeting mine as my breath stilled.
"But I will not hurt you like that
Because I know I will, It's what I do
you know it and I know it. I will break your heart." He told me, cupping my face
as he kissed my forehead
before turning away to leave
I was stunned in that moment
I wanted to stop him
but the words were stuck in my throat
of all the things I've always wanted to say
in a moment like this
I knew this was my one opportunity
He was a runner
but I couldn't get past the lump forming
We never spoke of it again
I wish I had told him that
this already hurts
having him
but not completely
loving him but knowing
that we would never be together
that this was already breaking my heart
that I would have risked
the pain and heartache
just to have a chance together
