Violets Are Blue

Chapter 6: Abigail

I went to the doctors early this morning. My back wasn’t getting any better. It was just throbbing, and throbbing. I had other problems as well. I would wake up nearly sick
almost every morning and yet despite that I would feel hungry. I felt so down. I wondered if this was the cause of depression. Was I depressed? I mean I feel so lost and empty without my husband, but if there was anything he wanted me to be. It is to be strong.
I arrived at the clinic and was a bit reluctant to walk through the doors. I was wearing something simple, a hoodie, black yoga pants, and comfortable sneakers. Something to keep me comfortable because of my aching feet and my back pulsing with
pain. It wasn’t like the normal pain someone would get for stressing their back, it was kind of like my lower back was constricting around my lower spine. I sat down in the waiting room to wait my turn. As I sat there was a pregnant woman in front of me. I felt a little weirded out, she was wearing the the same style of
clothing as me. She sat oddly, most likely due to the pain that comes with it. Her lower back, her aching ankles. Kind of like…..
My name was called. I sat inside of the patient room, on one of those light blue beds that’s always in the corner. My back began to throb and I wasn’t able to sit right. The doctor noticed and gave moved the little white pillow to put behind me. It helped.
The doctor was a family doctor who treated my husband, violet, and I. He was sitting in his chair going over my past document. He rolled his chair over to me.
“What seems to be the problem?” He asked.
“Lately I’ve been having symptoms. I’ve been feeling sick, light headed; mainly in the morning, and deep pain in my lower back. It’s like my spine is starting to shift. I’ve been eating much more than usual. Do you think this is psychological? Maybe a result of my husband’s passing?”
“Maybe.” He replied.
“Maybe?” I said back.
He leaned back in his chair. “There are many reasons why you could be having these symptoms. Most likely it is psychological. Depression is a very serious matter, but it can also be pregnancy.”
My heart dropped. I would admit that it was one of the many things I would like to give my husband. Giving him a life that had our love mixed together. It would be a dream. Now I’m sure I wouldn’t want it, I couldn’t bare to raise a child without a father. The doctor gave me a cup to pee in. It didn't take long for me to pee anyway, I was so filled up on juice and water I was done within minutes. I gave it to the doctor and he told me he’ll take it to run a diagnostic. He gave me papers to sign. He told me to wait in the room and that he would be back within minutes.
I waited and I waited. What was really a minute felt like an eternity. So many thoughts were going through my head. What if it was pregnancy? How would I deal with this? I have no leverage when faced with violet, how the hell can I raise a child?
I also thought of depression. An equally bad problem. The doctor finally came in. He had a grim look on his face. Not the face of a doctor who is about to say I’m dying, but the face of a man who knew I had an obstacle
to face.
“Well?” I asked, “what’s wrong with me.”
“You’re two months pregnant.”
I froze. Deep down in me, I didn’t want to believe it. I was so deep in denial that I was oblivious from the start. I was pregnant. Marcus is the father. I couldn’t deal with this. I’m still getting over Marcus. I’m still trying to understand the closest thing I have to a child, Violet. Well now that I’m pregnant, second closest thing. I thanked the doctor, he told me that he wants me to come in more for the many check-ups to come.
On the way home I found myself still unable the process the recent events. I stopped at a red light and saw that I was in front of Marcus’ law firm. I haven’t stepped in there since his death. I refused to step in though. Even from the road I felt his presence from it. His spirit was strong within that building. All of his co-workers and admirers were in there. I didn’t want to remind them of his untimely death. I couldn’t even step in without feeling like I didn’t belong in there anymore. Was I ever apart of it in the first place? All of the long hours he put in, all the times I was never there to see if he was OK during those long nights.  The red light was taking so long to change to green. I found myself looking down at my stomach. How big it’s gonna get in so little time. Violet will find out soon enough.
How will she react to it? She never liked me, in fact she hates me with a passion. But she loved her father. Hell she worshiped her father. That doesn’t mean she’s gonna love her half brother or sister. Is she really that spiteful towards me? That she will hate the last peice her father has left us, simply because I’m the mother?
I was alerted by the car behind me. The light had already turned green. How long has it been green? I picked up some fast food on the way home. I placed the food on the plate and took it to Violet’s room. I placed it in front of the door. I knocked and went down the stairs. I didn’t wait to hear the door open.
A few days passed by. My symptoms were becoming common by now. I
wondered if they became frequent due to the mental acknowledgement of my pregnancy. I was bloated nearly everyday. Violet has been a bit quiet these past days. I was thankful. I know my hormones will be going crazy, I didn’t need the stress. As I was having a little snack in the kitchen, my phone rang. It was Violet’s
school. I answered. “Hello?” I said.
“Hi, is this Mrs. Jefferson?”
“This is she.” I replied.
“This is the front office secretary, I’m calling to let you know that Violet didn’t show up to school a few days ago. We decided to have a parent/counselor conference tomorrow morning.”
“Very well,” I replied, “I will be there with Violet.”
I wondered why Violet didn’t show up that day. It’s totally unlike her. If there is anything Violet isn’t, It’s a school skipper. She values her education, just so she can be like her father. The next morning I dressed myself in a yellow dress, and put on a nice black
sweater, just to appear more modest than usual. I knocked on Violet’s door. She didn’t answer so I just let myself in. She noticed me but ignored me, and continued doing her
hair.
“I thought vampires didn’t come out in sunlight.” She finally said.
I ignored her comment, “The school called. They said you didn’t show up to school a few days ago and had no excuse. They set up a parent/ counselor conference. She wants us both to be there.”
“Does this mean I’m gonna have to ride in the same car as you?” She said.
I sighed and nodded my head. She rolled her eyes. She obviously cringed at the thought. So did I. The last thing I wanted was to ride in a car with her. I quieted those thoughts. I need to try to get close to her. For Marcus’ sake. For the baby’s sake.
I waited in the car for Violet. I made one slight movement and my back started to hurt. That somehow sent signals to my entire body and I began to feel nauseated. Luckily not enough to make me vomit.
I noticed that Violet’s insults were becoming much softer than her usual heartless remarks. I wondered if something was bothering her. I hope she’s ok. Maybe whatever’s bothering her is the reason why she skipped school. Violet finally came to the car and as always refused to acknowledge my existence.
The car ride was quiet. I wanted to so badly tell her that I was pregnant. I wanted to at least get her attention. So she can show me that I at least cross her mind. If only she knew how badly I wanted us to have at least some form of friendship like her father always wanted.
Once at the school she didn’t want to walk near me. She always upped her pace so she was always a few feet away from me. I guess to show people she was here alone. Even if they didn’t believe she was alone. She for sure made me feel alone. She knew this hurt me. It would be nice if she at least put in some form of effort to try to get close to me.
Once in the counselor's office we were greeted by Miss Maple. Violet and I both greeted her and sat down.
“Now,” Miss Maple said with a smile, “Why weren’t you able to come to school, last week?”
I turned toward Violet. Her brows were furled. She couldn’t come up with anything. I know this because her father made that exact same face when he couldn’t lie. I first noticed it when he bought me my necklace key and couldn’t keep it to myself. I
slightly grinned. It was adorable she has that trait, just like her father did. I felt the need to save her.
“It’s because she’s been depressed.” I blurted out. They both remained quiet so I continued my white lie, “She lost her father not even a month ago. Can’t you understand what she’s going through?”
I know Marcus wasn’t able to keep himself composed when he couldn’t come up with a lie, but when he did, It was a great one. He taught me the best lie is the lie that couldn’t be emotionally understood, if she didn’t understand she wouldn’t know how to handle it. If she does understand it, then she would feel sorry for Violet. I knew how to keep myself composed. I was the best saleswoman there was before I quit to help Marcus take care of Violet.
It was working. If Miss maple denied it she would come off as a heartless
woman, and if she understood Violet’s pain then she would be in our favor. I continued.
“She needed that day off. It’s hard for her to come to school and not breakdown crying. She loved her father and he’s gone. You and I both know she would never compromise her own education unless it’s important, give her some slack.”
Miss Maple thought for a moment, “I will take your remarks into consideration and pardon this as a family emergency, so I want you to stay after school to learn what you missed. But you need to keep your grades up if you want that internship.”
“That’ll be fine.” Violet said.
“Internship?” I said, speaking my thoughts.
“Did you not know, didn’t Violet tell you?” Miss Maple said.
I quickly lied again, “Uh yeah she did. I’m sorry it slipped my mind.”
The counselor smiled. “She’s been given a chance to intern at your late
husband’s firm. She’ll be joining all Pre-AP classes next year as well. This should boost her chances of getting admitted into one of the top law schools.”
I faked a smile, “I’ll make sure she does her best.”
With the conference done we finally left. I turned towards Violet once the door closed.
“Why didn't you tell me you were offered an internship?” I asked. I was proud of her but was ticked that she didn't tell me.
She turned toward me, “How come you used my father as a lie?” obviously avoiding the question.
“Because if I didn’t you could have lost it all. I know how important law school is to you. I remember when you were twelve and looking at colleges, yelling you’re gonna be a lawyer like Marcus. Do you really want to harm that dream?”
She spat back. “It’s my damn choice. I do what the hell I want to do, who the hell are you to say otherwise?”
She waited for me to say something back. She was picking for an argument. I took in a deep breath. I couldn’t say anything without causing an argument. I walked away. I heard her mumble something under her breath but I chose to ignore it. I
really wanted to say that it was because I am her legal guardian. It’s my job to make sure that she is ok. I knew that it would just lead to more arguments, and that’s something I did not need right now.
I was called back to the doctor. I can’t believe I forgot my first appointment to the doctor. This wasn’t starting out well. Once I arrived I was taken to the doctor’s personal office to sign a few documents about my pregnancy.
My doctor opened up his dark brown desk to put my documents in. Instead of putting it in he took out a key, and opened up a secret compartment. I realized the the bottom half of the drawer was a dummy drawer that can secretly hold documents. I realized that that the desk was very similar to the desk in Marcus’ office, in fact I think it was an exact copy.
“What desk is this?” I asked. Curious about it.
“It’s an old, custom made, colonial desk. It was used by politicians in the early nineteen-hundreds to hold personal documents. I know documents should be kept in a filing cabinet but with all the personal information within the documents of my patients. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile.”
I wondered if Marcus’ desk was like this. If he did leave anything it would be in that hidden spot. The appointment went by fast. He asked me how I was coming along.
He told me all of my symptoms are natural, and we were done.
I rushed home as quick as I could. I ran into his office. I was right. It was the exact same desk. I opened up the top drawer and there was nothing. No keyhole, no button, not even a crease on the floor of it. I opened the drawer as far as I could and heard a small click. I tried to pull the drawer from the desk. There was the click again.
This WAS the dummy drawer, but it wasn’t at the bottom, it was at the back of it. Of course, the drawer was far too short to to go completely into the desk. I searched for any button or any hook. To my luck there was a hook just above where the drawer
ended and where the hidden space began. I unhooked it.
Inside was a little brown book, about the size of an average diary. It had a leather cover, a rather old leather cover. I picked it up. The book was sealed shut by a thick metal strap, kept closed by a small key hole. I tried to pry it open with my bear hands but it didn’t even budge. Damn.
I decided to search the whole house, maybe for some type of key that could open up the journal. I searched almost every room in the house, except for one: Violet’s.
Could she have known about the book and hid it from me after Marcus died? I was standing at the door, unable to open it. I have only been in her room no more than a few times this past year, hell this morning was the first time this month. I generally stayed out to avoid any form of conflict with her. I’m pretty sure that if she ever caught me in her room I would never hear the end of it. Despite the hesitation I opened the door anyway.
Her room was well kept. She had a nice queen size bed draped with dark purple beddings, with matching curtains, and a neat little carpet at the feet of the bed. She had a long dresser against the wall with a mirror hooked on the top. The dresser was littered
with perfume and hygienic products. I noticed her trashcan reeked of old food. She must have been busy lately, lord knows she likes a well kept room. I noticed her old food was full, and untouched. I wondered if she kept the food even if she didn’t want it.
Did she do it for me? To satisfy me? I would have dumped out her trash can but that would give away my presence in her room.
I searched everywhere until i found myself looking under her bed. The only thing under it was a shoebox. I pulled it out and opened it.
It was full of old pictures of Violet and her mother, and even her father before he met me. There was one before Rose became who she is today. Rose looked beautiful; it really made me wonder why they broke up. I know they broke up before he met me, Marcus always told me it was because her addiction got out of hand.
I looked under more pictures and found a picture of Marcus and Rose’s
wedding ceremony. It was beautiful. Marcus was dressed up in a black tuxedo, similar to the one he wore on our wedding day. Rose looked happy as ever, dressed in a luscious white bridal gown, her red hair was black. Rose was truly happy, why would
she give up all of that happiness for drugs? I know that if Rose never did drugs Marcus and I would have never met, but I really wanted to see Violet happy. Even if it meant Marcus and I would have never met.
I put it back and looked at myself in the mirror. Was I really supposed to be here? Was I truly the one who ruined their family? I cleared my mind and held the key necklace Marcus gave me on our first anniversary. I realized something. My necklace was a key to his soul, and I’m pretty sure he poured his soul into this journal, maybe since it worked on his door, it worked on his journal too. He always had a bad habit of losing keys so he would have one key for multiple uses.
I hushed those temporary hopes. The key was far too big. I held it harder. I
should have never pried. I’m being left unsatisfied. I held the key harder about to cry. I know I was looking because I want Marcus to leave me something. Something that told
me, he wasn’t truly gone, that in someway he was still watching me, and guiding me through my life right now.
The bow of the key snapped. I thought I broke it out of frustration, I inspected the damage. The bottom half of the bow was with the rest of the key but the top bow hid a smaller key. I was right. The key was the key to his soul.
I used the key and to my luck, it unlocked. I opened the first page and it said, “To whoever reads this, please keep this from my dear daughter, Violet.”