Violets Are Blue

chapter 15: Abigail

Now breath in,” The yoga instructor said. “now out.”
I did it again. I was sitting criss-cross on a yoga mat. I wore black yoga pants, and a yellow tank, with my hair tied in a messy bun. I was in a yoga and meditation class. A class I decided to take to get my stress levels low. While the meditation I was great at, I was still having trouble with the yoga part. My back and ankles weren't up for the task, but I still did it. Anything to bring my stress down for the baby.
I also needed to do this right away. Ever since the robbery I’ve been on the edge. It only made me wonder who robbed us. I hated to admit that even Violet could do this. She does hate me enough to do something like this, or from what I seen, but she wouldn’t allow her father’s ring to be taken. Would she? Maybe I’m being too paranoid. Anyone could have robbed us. I hated thinking it was Violet or even Rose. The more I say Rose, the more I begin to think it was her. It’s very possible, but at the same time highly unlikely.
I took in a deep breath, and breathed out. Thinking about it was stressing me out and I know it will continue to eat me until the case is solved. It did scare me that someone broke into our home. What if I was there, or even Violet. What if something happened to her. I wouldn’t forgive myself, even though I know she probably wouldn’t care less if something happened to me.
I decided to go talk to the officers. After class I went home and gotten myself dressed in jeans, a hoodie, and sandals, and was on my way to the police station.
Once there I spoke to the officer who came to our house the first time I called about the robbery.
“Hello, Mrs. Abigail, I’m glad you came today, we found out the DNA of the hair.”
“Well then who does it belong to?”
The officer was a little quiet for a minute, looking as if  he was trying to find the right words.
“Well?” I said, a little agitated.
The cop finally spoke, “The hair belongs to Rose Jefferson, and if I’m not mistaken that’s your step-daughter’s mother.”
I imagine my heart would sink but it didn’t. I was not surprised at all by this. I knew Rose knew where we lived, and I knew that at some point Violet would bring her, if she already didn’t. I wonder how Violet would take all of this in. Her mother robbed us. Would she finally see what her mother truly is? Would she find someway to blame me? I have no idea.
“There were also tracks in the backyard, and we identified that there may have been others with her, most likely other people some of the neighbors described.”
I looked toward the officer and said, “Do whatever you have to do, officer.”
“Are you sure ma’am? This is the mother of your stepchild. We can charge the other suspects but we will have no choice but to bring her in for questioning, for the other suspects. You can deny charges to Rose, are you sure you want us to do whatever we have to?”
The officer had a concerned look on his face. He understood what type of situation that would put Violet and I in. What he doesn’t know is that our relationship is far worse than this would ever do to it. I could be wrong.
I was quiet for a moment. “Yes, I am sure.”
The officer sighed. “Very well ma’am, you can always change your mind. We will let you know when we have Rose.”
I was on my way.
Once home I sat down on my bed and wondered if I made the right choice. They will find Rose, and in someway I feel like it’s my fault. Maybe it was just guilt getting to me. Violet will be hurt I know she would, but maybe this is what she needs to see. I was lost.
I decided to read the journal. I pulled it from under my pillow and turned to the next page.

After Rose lost custody of Violet she tried multiple times to retrieve her back. She would make lies, she was such an amazing liar and knew how to come up with the best lies, and words to get out of a certain situation, but she forgot that I knew how to read people so well. She failed each time for the same thing. Her background of criminal behavior and drug abuse, not to mention the fact that she had no home. I know how she must have felt. I took away her child. She must have become broken by that time and used more. It was so pointless to me. She allowed herself to be hooked on the very thing that caused all of her problems, I didn’t understand how someone could live like that. At one point I thought that I would allow Violet to see Rose, if it meant she would get better. I drove to Rose’s shelter to speak to her. It was a little late and I didn’t know how she would react seeing me. Once I made it to her shelter I walked right in. It was something anyone can do. As I walked in, I see a man leave. He was zipping his pants up. I saw Rose barely putting on her skimpy outfit with money in her hand. I froze. She saw me and did the same thing. We just stared at eachother for such a long time, like a father when he catches his child. I learned that night that she was a prostitute. I didn’t want Violet to ever see her mother like this. We didn’t say anything to each other. I simply walked out and never looked back. I couldn’t believe that Rose would stoop so low just to get more drugs.

I felt guilty again. This was after Marcus and I were married. He was already with me. If he wasn’t with me would he have helped Rose to better their, already broken, relationship? I don’t know. Maybe my emotions are beginning to become chaotic from the pregnancy. I don’t know why I felt so guilty for something I had no hand in. Was it because I loved Violet so much? I did love Violet. I hated to admit that even if Marcus and I never had a child, I would have been content with Violet, despite how much she treated me. I began to read more:

I know I loved Abigail but I wondered if I made the right choice leaving Rose. Maybe if we didn’t split she wouldn’t have become what she is today. Maybe it was the fact that I took away Violet. I know I’m speaking out of guilt.  Rose was hooked on to drugs before Violet was even born. I felt ashamed of my ex-wife and sometimes my daughter. Violet became a being of hatred towards Abigail. Rose became a drug addict. I felt as it was all my fault, that I could have done something about it. It caused me to become depressed. I tried to fight this guilt for so long that in the end it built itself up into a massive flame that burned me alive. Once I couldn’t take it anymore. I gave up. I couldn’t handle this feeling. This boulder on my shoulders. I couldn’t continue.  

I was a little hurt that he may have had second thoughts. I know that he said that he wondered if he should have stayed with Rose was out of guilt but still. It hurt, but in someway I wished that he did. Maybe I’m being too understanding or guilty like he was but what if he did? How would they be? would Rose still have been a drug addict? Would Violet be more closer to her dream? Would Marcus still be alive?
If I could go back I probably wouldn’t have agreed to marry Marcus if it meant he would be alive today, but then again I wouldn’t have found the love of my life. It may have been short but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t lie maybe if I went back in time with all the knowledge I have from the journal I probably would have told him everything, but at the same time I would have carried on like before, maybe this was all supposed to happen for a reason.

I decided to call it a night letting the rest wait for tomorrow. Before I could start to get ready for bed, my cell phone rang. It was the police.
“Hello?” I said.
“HI, Mrs. Jefferson, we’re calling to let you know we have Rose.”
My heart skipped a beat. I wasn’t prepared for this to happen so fast.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
I had to get this situation over with before Violet catches wind of it, hoping to tell her after this ordeal. I stepped down the stairs as fast as I could. Before I could open the door, Violet opened it.