Violets Are Blue

Chapter 25: Violet

I was awoken by the smell of breakfast. I fell asleep on the couch last night after looking at the video. Abigail came in from the kitchen.
“Good morning.” I said.
“Good evening.” Abigail said, “You hungry for brunch?”
I didn’t realize it was so late. I sat down at the table as Abigail sat down a plate of eggs, bacon, and sausage, with a side of leftover pizza. It must have been the pregnancy that made her come up with this odd combination. I began eating the food.
“Abigail,” I said, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about everything. I treated you so bad and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that.”
I wanted Abigail to know how I felt as soon as possible.
Abigail smiled at me and said, “It’s alright Violet. You were just acting out of anger and doing what you thought was right. LIke I said last night: I love you like a daughter. That means that no matter what you do or what you become, I will always care for you.”
I smiled. I can see now that she is a very loving and caring woman. I wished I could have seen it sooner, that she was doing all she could to help me, and I just pushed her away thinking she was trying to replace my mother. While I believe no one can replace a child’s mother, it doesn’t mean they still can’t be seen as a mother, especially when my mother was barely a mother to me at all. She needed to know that she was appreciated.
“Thanks for understanding. My judgement was just so clouded that I couldn't see what was right in front of me.”
“It’s fine.” Abigail said, trying to get me to stop talking about it. I could tell by her stare and smile. I guess she wanted me to put it all behind us. I guess she was right. It’s time we start focusing on the future.
“Mind if I ask you a question?” Abigail asked.
“Shoot.” I said.
Abigail remained quiet for a bit, “Do you accept my baby?”
I admit there was a little piece of me that my mother still had a hold on. I wanted to say no I didn't want to be his sister, but that would be unethical of me.
“Of course,” I said with a smile, “I can’t wait to have a little brother.”
Abigail smiled and tears came from her eyes, “Thank you,” she said. I smiled in retaliation.
“Why don’t we go see you father today?” She said. I agreed.
Once at the cemetery we both sat at his grave. My flowers were still there, and so was a candy wrapper. I picked it up, “you’ve been here?” I asked.
“Only once.” she replied.
“Hi dad,” I said to the grave, “Abigail and I have been missing you since you died.”
Abigail squeezed my shoulders.
I continued, “I know you’re not here to help us, but then again if you were here nothing would have changed. Maybe I’m wrong. I know I can’t change the fact that you’re gone, but I wished you were here to see Abigail and I like this. The way you wanted us to be. I miss you dad.”
I slid back a few steps so Abigail can have her say.
“Hey baby,” she said, “Like Violet, I miss you too. I want you to know that Violet and I are getting along well. I admit that our relationship is still strained but I hope that someday we can see each other as family. I love you and will always treasure the time we have together. I want you to know that you will be my only husband.”
Abigail rubbed the headstone. She genuinely loved my father. She still did. A love like that is truly admirable. I wondered how she took it when my father died. She seemed unfazed, but I remembered the framed picture of him in her bed. She was a strong woman. Maybe a woman I can look up to someday.
While Abigail stayed at my father’s plot I walked to the other side of the cemetery to talk to Lily.
“Hey Lily.” I said. I hadn’t seen the headstone yet. It was short and rectangular. It read:

Liliana “Lily” Sanchez
28 years of age
Loving daughter and person

It was simple. No one would know of her life, if they ever come by it. They wouldn’t know all of the things she has done I guess that was a good thing. No one wants to know someone had died of a drug overdose. Maybe that’s people’s problems today. When we see a drug addict, we automatically judge them. We assume they are these low self-esteemed creatures, who only live for drugs. We believe they are lost, and are nothing but scum when we see them on the streets. The worst thing is, is that it’s acceptable in our society. All of those movies where they are portrayed as creepy, begging, social-less bums.
They say that addiction is a disease so we treat them like the infected, when in reality they just need guidance. I know that was my problem. I never considered their thoughts, their feelings, or even their souls.
If I ever met Lily while she was on drugs, I would have never guessed she liked Emily Dickinson, or had such a caring soul. It’s just how things are, and I hope they would change.
“I thought I’d come by and have a chat with you,” I said, “I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry. If my mother would have never persuaded you then you might not be gone, or if I never went to confront you, you would still be here. I will miss you. You were such a good person and deserved a whole lot better that this. I just hope wherever you are right now, you’re happy. Goodbye.”
We left a couple of minutes later after we said our goodbyes to my dad again.
“So what’s your plan now?” Abigail asked.
I thought out my words. What are my plans now? I don’t really know yet, but I was sure of one thing, “I’m going to put myself back into my studies, and make sure I get signed up for all pre-ap classes next year and do the internship,” I said, “How about you?”
“I think I’m going to go back to work as a saleswoman before I have the baby. Make myself feel useful before all of my time is taken up.”
“Not all of your time,” I said, “I’m going to be there to watch him too.”
“Thank’s. Marcus jr. is going to love his big sister.”
“Marcus Jr.?” I said with a laugh.
“Why not?” Abigail said, “it’s a bit of a cliche, but I think it’s fine.”
“I love it.” I said.
I loved how Abigail and I were getting along, even though I hated her less than one day ago. Like she said: it’s about time we put everything behind us, and move on.
Move on. I needed to do something before I go home.
“Can we stop by somewhere before we head back to the house?”
“Sure,” Abigail said, “Where to?”
We pulled up in front of the shelter. Abigail and I stepped out.
“I told you, you didn't have to come in for me.” I said to Abigail.
“Are you kidding? Anything to hurt that man again if he’s here.”
We both walked in the shelter. My mother was kneeling down toward the man who hit me. She was wrapping bandages around his wound. He was in his boxers and a simple tank. He saw us.
“You!” He said towards Abigail. He tried to hop towards her, but she pulled out her gun again. “I have no problem shooting you again! And this time I’ll aim for your head!” Abigail told him.
I had no idea she shot him last night. If it was someone I loved I would have too. It must have taken her a lot of control not to shoot him dead.
The man hopped back and sat down again. Abigail nodded towards me, signalling me that I can talk to my mother without interference.
“Come here, mama,” I said, with a smile. I held my arms out towards her. She walked towards me and hugged me .
“Oh baby-girl, I’m so sorry about last night. I wasn’t in my right mind.”
“I know.” I said.
“Do you forgive me?” She asked.
I smiled at her again, “Of course,” I said. I did forgive her. I couldn't hate my own mother. She was my motivation. Was.
“Oh that’s wonderful baby,” she said, hugging me harder, “I always know you’ll come back to me.”
Once we stopped hugging and she pulled back, I saw her eyes on Abigail. She had a smug face. I wasn’t sure what that was about, but I didn't care at the moment. I had to tell her something.
“Mama. I want you to know that I love you, and will always love you.” She smiled, and grabbed my hands.
My next words were going to be hard to say, “After today, I will no longer come back here.”
Her smile faded,”What?” she said, Her expression with from smug to surprised.
“Mama I give up. I tried my best to help you but I realized today that I can’t help you, because you refuse to help yourself.”
“But baby!” My mom exclaimed, “You’re my blood, we’re always suppose to look out for each other!”
“But you didn't look out for me!” I yelled, “You never did! If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have stolen from me! We still don’t know where my father’s, the man you claimed you still love, ring is! You wouldn’t have tried your hardest to not go to rehab! Because of you Lily died!”
I grabbed her hands back, “She died mama. You did that to her. She was a good woman and you had to just manipulate her, just like you manipulated me.”
My mother turned toward Abigail, “You did this to her!” she said. My mother turned back to me, “Baby-girl that white bitch is brainwashing you, you have to believe me!”
“Well I don’t,” I said in the sweetest voice I can, “I know everything. You have been manipulating me all of these years, into thinking you were a good mother. Mama, I know you tried to sell me for drugs.”
She remained quiet. She couldn’t speak anymore. If anything she had no other plan that would make me stay by her side. It was only a matter of time before she breaks.
“I’m done.” I said. Abigail and I walked out of the shelter. I hoped my mother wouldn’t run towards me in an act of desperation. I was disappointed when I heard her steps behind me.
She hugged me from behind. I turned around and hugged her back.
I loved her so much. I hoped someday we can be mother and daughter again, but that’s all up to her. It is her choice. All I can do is wait on her.
“I love you so much, mama,” I said. I wanted to cry but I held in my tears. Lifted up my head, pride in my personality.  “bye.”
I pried her off of me, and began to walk towards the car. Abigail was already inside waiting on me.
“Baby-girl! Baby-girl!” My mother yelled. She kept on yelling it as I got in the car, and she yelled it more as we drove off.
I didn’t look back at my mother. I just looked ahead, both literally and spiritually. If my mother wanted to be in my future, then it’s her choice. I will do everything I plan to, and that won’t change at all. Not anymore.
For the first time ever, I felt at peace. I felt….calm and just.
“Let’s go home.” I said. Abigail smiled and nodded.
I laughed at myself. It was the first time I said home.

I remembered something my father told me when i was younger. He came home late and I was in my bed. He came into my room and sat near my bed. He was sitting in one of my toy chairs watching me sleep. He was wearing one of his business suits. I smiled when I saw his face. I sat up in my bed.
“Hi daddy.” I gave him a weak smile.
“Hey baby-girl.” He said. He had a smile on his face, and a look of sadness in his eyes. “You know that everything I do I do for you.”
“I know daddy.”
He gained a bigger smile, “I just want you to know that no matter what I’m proud of you. I want you to do better than me. But most importantly I want you to do what makes you happy. You promise me baby-girl?”
I nodded my head. He held out his pinky. He wanted to make sure I was serious. I stood from my bed and hugged him. He hugged me back. I was unsure if he was chuckling or sobbing. I let go. I knew if I didn’t we would be hugging all night.
I layed back down in my bed. “Good night.” He said.
“Nighty-night.” I replied.
He stood and walked out the door. Before He could close it he poked his head out. “I love you.” He said.
I smiled. “I love you too daddy.”

I looked out the window on the way home. I saw my reflection in the window. I smiled.