Violets Are Blue

chapter 8: Abigail

I went to the doctors this morning. I felt horrible. All of the cramps, hunger, and bloating. I wore all sweats. It was cold and then hot. I wore a thin hoodie to balance it out. I also wore soft shoes. I went into the clinic and signed in.
While I was waiting I saw the same pregnant woman from the last time I came. She was wearing a white dress, and her hair in a neat bun. She held the hand of a little African American girl who was at least eleven years of age, with a grey dress and long jet black hair. A black man appeared and kissed the woman. The man wore blue jeans and a black shirt. The woman was clearly not that little girl’s mother, but she treated the girl as if she was. They were a happy family, despite not being a real mother and daughter.
It reminded me of Marcus. Even when he was around he still couldn’t fix Violet and I. He couldn’t make us be like the mother and daughter currently in front of me. But did they have the past Violet and I had? I wondered how they had a better relationship. How can a woman just pop-up into a family and be treated with the same respect as the woman before her? Seeing them happy only made me jealous of them. They were having another child and the daughter seems to love it either way. The only thing that is missing in my family is a father, the only thing that connected Violet and I together.
The doctor finally called me.
“Hello, Abigail how are you doing today?” He asked.
“Not so well,” I replied, “I’ve been feeling tired and more sick than usual lately. I’m getting a lot more cramps.”
The doctor led me to a room and told me to lie down and leave my stomach bare. I did. He went on to rub jelly on my stomach and used a sonogram. The jelly was cold to the touch, and then became a little warm. He placed the transducer probe on my stomach. The baby appeared on the monitor. It wasn’t a fully developed fetus it was only been a little over two months. I heard it’s heart beating. I began to tear up a bit. There was an actual human being growing inside me, a life that Marcus and I created. I always hoped that when this day comes I would be holding Marcus’ hand. But he’s not here, spiritually I know he is, but not here to hold my hand and tell me he loved me and that he couldn’t wait to be a father to another child.
“Your baby is in great condition, we might even be able to find out the gender soon, you should be very happy.” The doctor said.
“Thank you doctor.” I said while still crying.
“Is this your first, Abigail?”
“Yes it is,” I replied, “I just wish my husband was here to see it.”
The doctor held my hand for comfort, and went on with what he had to tell me.
“Well as time passes by you’ll start to go through more symptoms similar to the ones you have now, such as morning sickness, bloating, an increased production of hormones, and tenderness.”
“Is there any other things I need to do, for the baby?”
“Yeah.” The doctor said, “Eat, because remember you’re eating for two now, and try to keep your stress levels down, it could harm the baby by causing a birth defect, stillbirth, or even a miscarriage.”
I wondered if I would be able to keep my stress levels down with Violet in my life, I wish I didn’t have to think that but with the way things are going, I May need to fight back. Despite everything, I want Violet and I to work. I know I won’t allow myself to lose my baby, but I won’t forgive myself if I ever gave up on Violet.
Once I made it home I pulled out Marcus’ journal that I keep under my pillow now. I opened up to the start of his memories. According to the dates he started writing this a little over two years ago.

           
I had met this wonderful lady. Her name was Rose Anderson. We met while I was working my way through college. She herself was working as a waitress at the time, and living with her family still. We began to date after a while. Her parents didn’t like me, because I begged her to come live with me and that I’ll support her somehow. They needed her to pay their bills. They were horrible people, using her to get by. I took her away which caused her family to end all ties with her. What type of family values their daughter’s usefulness over her happiness? They type of people who didn’t deserve a daughter, and a daughter who didn’t deserve those type of people.
After I became a lawyer, they decided to come back in my life, but I wouldn’t let them back in. Rose didn’t want to see them as well. She obviously felt affected by their actions. I myself never forgave them for losing faith in me and their own daughter. Do I regret it? No I don’t. I loved Rose. It was her choice, and that’s all that mattered