Violets Are Blue

Chapter 23: Violet

I was on my way to see my mother after school. I was a little uneasy going back to that side of town because of what happened. I wanted to go home and change out of my uniform but didn’t want to face Abigail. I felt uneasy being near her. I felt like I hurt her in the most horrible way possible. I don’t know if I could accept the baby, but it’s my father’s baby. He is my half brother. Should I really let my bad blood towards Abigail affect my feelings toward an unborn child?
I arrived at my mother's shelter with no interference from other people. As always she was sitting on the steps.
“Hey baby-girl.” she said.
“Hey mama.” I said.
I sat next to her. I don’t really know why I came today. I just had to see her. I laid my head on her shoulder. I know it's wrong to still see her after everything she’s done, but she wasn’t the one to blame for this. It was the drug’s fault. I realized that my only motives for helping her was to prove that a person can overcome anything. She will serve as my motivation in the future.
“How you been, baby?” My mother asked.
I wanted to tell her about Lily. I wanted to tell her about Abigail and the unborn baby, but I didn’t.
“I’ve been fine. How about you?”
“Same old, same old.” she said.
Same old, same old. She was right. She has been doing the same old thing. For practically half of my life. I have been helping her. I tried to remember a time she helped me. There was none. She only took care of me as a child. I loved her energetic and sometimes random personality, but that’s gone.
I found solitude in her. I really did. It wasn’t really as big like it is now. I only started after my father died. She was my last parent left and one of these days her drugs may kill her like Lily. It was only after her death that I see how deadly drugs can be.
I just sat there with her for two hours. I was too busy in my thoughts, just thinking. What am I supposed to do? My mother isn’t even trying to better herself. I’ve been keeping myself down just to try and pick her up. Giving up school time, and my own time just to help myself. I’m still here though, trying to help her. I still question if I’m a good daughter sometimes. Am I a good stepdaughter? Definitely not. Will I be a good sister? I don’t know.
By the time I made it home it was already dinner time. I wondered what Abigail made. Once inside I went to my room to find that there was no food at the door. I walked down stairs towards the kitchen. I walked through the dining room to see Abigail sitting down at the dining table with food on the table.
“Sit.” she said. I didn’t like her tone.
I scoffed, “Like hell I will.”
I began to grab my plate, and head for my room. “Violet!” Abigail yelled, “Sit.”
I was curious why she was angry. I obliged.
We began to eat.
“Violet listen,” Abigail said, “I’m sorry for not telling you about Marcus’ suicide, and the baby sooner. I just didn’t know how to reach to you. I want us to be on good terms, and it will happen tonight.”
My blood began to boil. How dare she thinks that I’ll simply start liking her just because she said so.
“There’s no need for me to respect you. You don’t need to acknowledge my existence anymore.” I said.
“Violet please. You need to open your eyes. I have been taking care of you since your father and I married. Are you that blind? Even after you admitted to hating me, I still tried my best to take care of you and be there for you, even when you pushed me away. You need to know that your mother has been manipulating you.”
“How the hell do you know what my mother and I have!” I screamed. “You’re just the whore my father married! You knew what you were doing when you decided to marry him! You were breaking a family apart!!” I know everything I was saying was out of anger. I didn’t care. It was about time we put everything on the table.
Abigail retaliated, “I had nothing to do with that! Your mother was already on drugs! Violet listen to me. Your mother has been on drugs since before you were born! She has been lying to you and worse she used you to try and hurt me! I deserve respect in my household!”
I stood up and got in front of her face. “I don’t like lies.” I said. “You’re just a washed up bitch who married my father for his money, this house belonged to him, and it should belong to my mother!.”
I felt Abigail's hands across my face. She slapped me out of nowhere. It stung but I knew it was from all the anger built up inside of her ready to come out. What great timing too. I backed away and held my face.
“You just lost me. You know that right?” I said. I began to run towards the door. I heard Abigail following me but she stopped as soon as I was out of the door.
I ran all the way to the bus station and to my mother’s house. I didn’t knock, I just simply walked in. This was the first time I’ve been inside her little shelter. The floor was a laminated light brown wood, and white, stained, walls. The floor was covered with clothes, and a single twin mattress in the corner. My mother was there sitting on it. she was wearing a, slightly big, tank top, with her same black pants, and her hair was a mess.
“Mom!” I said.
“Hey baby-girl!” she said with a smile. She looked tired. Her eyes were really low
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She laughed. “everything is OK. Now come on baby-girl. why you here?” I noticed the belt wrapped around her arm and the used needle on the side of the bed. She was high.
I couldn’t move for a second. This was the first time I saw my mother high. She was limping toward me, her shirt slightly hanging off of her shoulder, trying to keep herself up. I tried to help her up, to get her out of here.
“Mom we need to leave, you need to come with me. Abigail and I got into a fight and she hit me.”
“Woah, woah chill,” she said, “We don’t need to go nowhere I need to stay here.”
Before I could say anything else a man walked in. I remembered him. He was the same man from the time we went to the restaurant. He called my mother Rosy-girl.
“Where you think you going with my property!?” He yelled.
“I’m taking her!” I yelled back.
The man ran toward me and slapped me down. He then picked me up and slammed me against the wall.
“You think you can take her? That lady right there is my bitch. I supply her and she gives me profit.”
The man stared me up and down. “You know there are a lot of people who like the young ones. You know you can get me a lot of money just like yo’ mama.”
This reminded me of my altercation with Darnell and Ronnie. My mind began to race like last time. Fear instilled in my body and I was frozen.
All of a sudden my mother pushed him off of me. He held his ground and slapped her. She seemed unfazed by it. Her body didn’t even react to it. She began to hug him trying to calm him down.
That's when I saw it. My father’s watch on his wrist. It all hit me. She was a part of the home invasion. She stole our things. My things. My father’s wedding ring. I didn’t see the ring on his fingers though. I also noticed that some of the clothes on the ground were Abigail’s.
“Mom?” I said, “What are you doing? You stole from us?”
“No baby, just go, just leave.”
“But mama!” I said with tears rolling down my face. My voice cracked, “what about us? I thought you wanted us to be together as a family again?”
I tried to grab her hand but she pushed it away. She kept on hugging the man while he stared at me with anger.
“Please,” I begged, “please.”
She shook her head before saying, “Baby there is nothing for us to do. I just wanted you around for money. You already know there was no plan. Just go, leave me be!”
I couldn’t feel nothing but sadness. She basically told me that she was choosing that man over me, after he struck me, after he was about to force me into prostitution. It was as if she never loved me in the first place. She knew what she was doing. She may have been strung out, but she was clear. I was reminded by Lily’s mother’s words. She had a choice, and she chose. I either need to love, hate it, or even tolerate it. I couldn’t choose at the moment.
I walked out of the house and began to walk towards home. I didn’t want to even ride the bus. Just walk.
My thoughts were so confused but my emotions were clear. My mother’s emotions were clear too. I felt like I was walking towards nothingness. Literally. I have no parents, no loving home, and no understanding on what to do next. I was nothing… and my mother proved that to me, or at least made me feel that way.
As I was walking Abigail’s car pulled up beside me and moved at the same speed as me. The window rolled down.
“Get in.” Abigail  said.
“No thank you. ” I replied.
“Violet,”
It began to rain. I didn't care.
“Violet please, if you walk home you’re gonna catch a cold.”
“please!” I yelled, “Just leave me. Why the hell are you even still trying? I tried to choke you. I berated you. I’ve been so mean to you. How can you possibly still help me?” I said, still crying. There was nothing she could help me with. Nothing. I lost all comfortably within my mother. Who else was there? Abigail can only get so far with me. I hate her but she seems to try, and try, and try to better our relationship when I never wanted one in the first place.
“Because I love you, Violet.” Abigail said.
I stopped in my tracks.
“You may not know this but I love you like a daughter. I always have and I always will. I tried my best with you and even when you pushed me away I always came back to try again. So Violet please….. get in the car.”
I didn’t want to but I did. I was already shaking from the cold. I stepped in and closed the door.