Violets Are Blue

Chapter 10: Abigail

I wondered why Violet was becoming more hostile towards me all of a sudden. Her episode last night angered me, if I didn’t leave I don’t know what I would have done to her. I can tell she’s been noticing my body, hell anyone can. I want Violet to know that she is going to be a big sister. The only thing that scared me was the the way she’s been treating me lately. Will she be the same way to my child? So many thoughts in my head said I should just emancipate her, but she was the love of my life’s child, I wasn’t heartless.
I decided to read Marcus’ journal hoping I would find something that would help better my relationship with Violet, maybe he put down her likes and loves or more helpful and record of her admitting that she knows what she is doing. I went to my bedroom and pulled the journal from under my pillow and began to read it.

I couldn’t understand Rose anymore. What was her reason for doing drugs now? I let her know that I apologize for not being there. I let her know that I still wanted her to be in Violet’s life but she would have to truly quit. I wanted Rose to see that if she wanted to see her daughter she would have to go to rehab, and fight this, but some fights are hard to win. I decided to let Rose come to the house and see her daughter, without consulting my wife. I waited all day and night for her to come, but she never showed. I went to the house she was currently staying at, the house on the south side of our city, in the ghetto. I found her strung out on the floor. I never want my daughter to see her like this. Rose was lost, and I ran out of determination and patience to try to save her. I gave up. I didn’t want to but what else was there for me to do.

I was a little angered that he would make such a big decision without me. I never understood his decision to try to reason and understand Rose and her choices. I always wondered if he still loved her, even if he says he didn’t. Maybe I’m just acting insecure due to the fact he went the extra mile to help her, but he has never helped me like that. Then again I never needed help with problems as big as Rose’s. I continued reading the journal.

I began to focus on the well-being of my daughter, and continue my work. I still wondered about Rose and what she was doing right now. I know that leaving my daughter with her a long time ago, when she had visitation, caused her to have a hatred for Abigail. The only thing that ever kept Violet calmed down was when I was with her, but I was almost never there as it is. I jotted down how I felt about Abigail’s relationship with my daughter, but feared that Abigail might see it, so I ripped out the page and taped it under my desk in my office at the firm. I left it there and wanted to forget about it until the day I died. But I know that she will discover the key to my journal.

I noticed the missing page. I wonder what he put down about me. I know Violet and I’s relationship has never been the best. Now that I think about it I didn’t really blame Violet. Her mother may have convinced her that I was the reason for the destruction of her family, but she also had her own vendetta against me. I always believed she thought I was trying to replace Rose, her mother, but even I would never do that.
I put the book away and headed toward the firm, changing into simple black jeans, a blue shirt, a black jacket, and knowing my ankles were tender, I put on sneakers.
I arrived at the firm and saw the countless stares from workers. I felt the awkwardness around me. I was the widow of one of their best lawyers. I could tell they wanted to give me their grievance but were too scared to. They didn’t want to cause me any more grief. I was allowed into my husband’s firm due to having all access to his personal belongings, some of which were still in his office.
Once in his office I looked around and saw his two baskets of cases lost and cases won. There was only two losses. I remembered the court date. He lost his own battle against Rose, but I intervened and had evidence that Rose was still using. Although she did in fact win the trial, Violet was given to Marcus. It was a case no man can win. The way the court is set when it comes to child custody can be biased based upon gender, and there was no evidence that Rose was using again until I intervened. Even her pee was clean. We found out later on that it wasn’t her pee.
I wondered what Violet would do to me if she found out it was my actions that caused her mother to lose her parental rights. She’d probably kill me.
I sat down in his chair and felt for any opening to a secret dresser, like the one in Marcus’ home office. I began to rub the bottom of the desk and felt tape. I bent down, despite the pain, and looked under it. It was there. I ripped the page from the bottom of the desk as fast as I could. I unfolded it and began to read it.

I could never ask Abigail to be a mother to a child who didn’t want her to be. Abigail tried her best to get along with Violet but I could see it in her eyes. She wasn’t fond of Violet even if she tried her best to think she was. I could tell that Abigail loved Violet because I loved her, and that was it. When Violet was crying, Abigail was there, when Violet was missing me, Abigail was there. That was it, she never tried to calm my child, never tried to be her voice of happiness, sure she tried when Violet was younger but she must have gave up along the way. Did I blame Abigail for Violet’s hatred? Certainly not, but she could have done more to try to better her and Violet’s relationship, and maybe they wouldn’t have the relationship they have now.

It was just a paragraph but it felt like I was reading it for an eternity. He said the things that I myself wouldn’t allow myself to think. Of course I gave up, why try to be a motherly figure to a child who didn’t even wanted you in her life? He was right. I know I could have tried but what will be the point? We would still have the relationship we have today. But it did cross my mind every once in awhile. What if I didn’t give up so early? What if our relationship was different? Am I really the sole person everyone should be blaming? Should people blame Marcus for trying to save Rose’s reputation, or should we blame Rose for ruining mine? Maybe people blamed me for not admitting that in someway I didn’t want to deal with Violet at all.
I took the paper with me and was on my way out of the firm.
“Abby?” I heard from behind me. The voice was very familiar. I turned around to see Thomas Black, the man who told me about Marcus.
“Thomas!” I exclaimed. I hugged him. I was happy to see him, to see someone connected to my Marcus, besides Violet and Rose.
“How have you been?” I asked.
“I’ve been fine, having a few court cases here and there.” He replied.
“That’s great to hear.”
“I was just about to get something to eat, you hungry?” Thomas asked.
I was hungry. It would be nice to chat with him. Hell I think I needed this, to get away from all the problems I have now. So I agreed.
We walked to a Mexican restaurant that was located about a block away. He ordered himself two tacos and a cola. I ordered four tacos, with a side of beans, Spanish rice, two quesadillas, and a large cola. He noticed it all.
“That’s a lot of food for one person,” Thomas said. I remained silent, he continued on, “Unless you were eating for two.”
I put down the taco I was eating and said, “Yes, I’m pregnant.”
“For how long?” He asked.
“It’s been about a two months and a half.” He looked down at my stomach and saw the slight bulge. He looked back at me.
“Did Marcus know?” He asked.
I slowly shook my head, “ I wished he knew I was pregnant, maybe he wouldn’t have drove that night, maybe Violet would be able to handle it better.”
“Violet doesn’t know?” he said with concern.
“I can’t tell her.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know how she will react, do you think she like me? She thinks I split up her parents, that I drove her mother into her current drug-induced life. She hates me,” I said while rubbing my temple. Talking about my problems gave me a headache, and a sense of no self worth. I felt Thomas touch me shoulder.
“I don’t exactly know your current situation, but I do know that you don’t deserve all of this, especially the baby. You need to figure out what is best for your baby, but at the same time know what’s best for yourself. Maybe Violet isn’t as bad as you think she may be.”
Those words made me wonder if I should just give up on Violet, but then again she may not be as bad as she acts, like Thomas just said. Maybe this would even turn her attitude around. I’m tired of trying to come at her with open arms, treating her like a child when she is not. I need to come at her with respect, and hopefully she won’t punch me in the gut. Both metaphorically and literally.
“Thanks Tom, I needed that.” I said.There was a beeping sound coming from his watch. He looked at it and said, “I have to go.”
I nodded and hugged him. He walked me back to my car and went on his way into the firm.
On the way back I began to think of Violet again. I wanted our relationship to be on good terms, but with the past between us I don’t see how this would end well. I can’t be a mother to her but what I can be is family. And each family member deserves respect, and until then we will not be what Marcus wished for us to be. I wondered if that was the right thing to do. To keep on trying and trying.
I pulled into the driveway and walked to the door. I opened it and sat my keys on the table to the right of me. Instead of hearing the sound of keys hitting glass, I heard it hit the wood. I looked and saw that the bowl was gone and wondered if Violet moved it. I walked into the living room and gasped. The tv appliances were gone, and most of our vases. I went into the kitchen and saw that most of our silverware was gone. I went into Violet’s room and saw her jewelry was gone.
I passed by Marcus’s office. The door was closed but it was dented, and the paint was chipped off, as if someone tried to kick it in. I finally made it to my room and saw that most of my jewelry was gone too, including Marcus‘ . Most importantly his wedding ring was gone. I breathed in and out, trying to keep myself calm.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed nine-one-one, “Hello, Officer. I’ve been robbed.”