Chasing A Montague (Montague Series #1) UNDER REVISION

Kabanata 48

I won't

From push to pain to chase to reach and now I am here again in the same cycle. Akala ko mas masakit na yung dalawa kami. That he had a hard time in choosing kung sino ba talaga. After all those bullshits I've been through, after all those promises he promised I always find his promise as a false hope. A memory of promise and fuck him for that.

Is my instinct right all along? Yes. Una ko palang kita sa kanya, the way how she glows, the way how she smile with blessing and the way she said that she has the biggest blessing tama nga ako. Yet, I still choose to ignore those signs. I choose to shove away those instinct.

"I'm sorry Amanda--"

"Stop. Stop saying sorry Trixie."

The vile on my throat is burning my system. Halos mawalan ako ng lakas sa nalaman ko. Fuck. A baby. He had a baby with her. A baby--

"Kailan lang? Kailan lang Trixie?"

Maybe asking this shit will break me again but fuck! I need to know! I have the every right to know!

"I'm two weeks preg--"

"He did fucked you? He had sex with you kahit nalilito siya sa atin? He fucked you and you let him?"

My voice is hoarse at masakit na ang lalamunan ko. I didn't shout. I don't have to-  I can't change anything. I can't do anything.

"He was so drunk that time-- hindi ko rin napigilan Amanda. I always love Shaun. At aaminin ko sayong kinuha ko ang pagkakataong yun para ako ang piliin niya."

Goddamn it!

"Alam ba niya? Alam ba niyang buntis ka? O tinatraydor mo ako ng patalikod?"

"Hindi--hindi ganon yun. It happened so fast. It happened when you were there in his apartment."

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck them!

"I love him more than you do. Kaya kong ibigay ang kaya mo Amanda. Kaya kong pantayan ang pagmamahal na ibinigay mo sa kanya. Kayang kaya ko. Pakiusap-- let me have him. Let me have Shaun again."

Pano niya nasasabi yan?! Anong klaseng utak meron siya? Pinahid ko ang luha na umabot sa bibig ko. I could taste my bitter tears.

"Naririnig mo ba yang sarili mo Trixie? You are asking me to give him back to you? You are asking me that huh?"

Nagpapasalamat ako at tahimik ang parte ng eskwelahang ito. Kung alam ko lang na ganito ang mangyayari, kung alam ko lang na higit pa sa inaakala ko ang mangyayari, sana hindi ko nalang siya hinanap. Sana hindi ko nalang inalam.

"Wala ka ba talagang hiya? Ako ang babaeng mahal ng lalaking hinihingi mo. Ako ang babaeng pinili niya. Ako ang babaeng napili niyang paglihiman-- Ako ang babaeng mahal niya. Bakit mo siya hinihingi? Bakit mo siya babawiin? Bakit niyo na naman ako sinasaktan ng ganito?"

Paulit ulit siyang umiling. I want to slap her face. Gusto ko siyang sabunutan dahil sa ginawa niya. She let him fuck her. And fuck that Montague! How could he?!

"I'm so sorry--"

"Yan lang ba ang kaya mong sabihin ngayon?! Sorry for everything?! Are you out of your goddamn mind?! Pambihira naman Trixie oh!"

Oh God. This pain is killing me. This is breaking me.

"Yun lang ang hinihingi ko ngayon Amanda. Si Shaun lang. Siya nalang ang meron ako ngayon."