Alone

Lonely

Adriana's POV

After the ceremony Damien and I went home, a sense of abundant pride filled the air for the next few days. The whole pack cared for each other so much, celebrating each other's achievements.

After over a week things began to settle again, knowing all too well they were about to pick back up. The world never stops turning here. I love the people, the atmosphere. Just sometimes it's a little bit much.

I laid in the bed, I hadn't been feeling very good lately. Some kind of sick. I felt drained all the time. Damien always came in to make sure I was okay, still breathing. As tired as I felt, I couldn't sleep. The sheets felt warm, the quiet ceiling fan offered a small sense of comfort. Being alone was something I enjoyed; being lonely and numb had a familiarity I couldn't find anywhere else. As amazing as it is to have Damien around, I don't want to rely on his company. I need to be able to handle the loneliness. He isn't a promise, I can always lose him.

Softly, a knock on the door tore me from my thoughts. A timid Damien entered, "You need to eat something. I know you're tired, but let me sit with you while you eat. I was getting lonely." Ironic.

Am I wrong for not wanting to fill the aching hole of loneliness?

I smiled and made room for him to sit with me. he had a bowl of mac and cheese with sausage cut into in. He placed it in my lap and moved a piece of my hair. "I'm worried about you," he whispered.

"I'm really fine, just tired. I'll be A-okay for the ceremony tomorrow," I threw on the biggest fake smile I could manage. I really did want to go, pack life is important, I still need to learn and adjust to it. When he didn't say anything I began eating. I like not having to search for food. Ever since I got out of the cell I was always promised my meals. Not worrying about when I was going to eat again was nice.

"You're not going."

I swallowed my last bite and looked at the face of the deep sultry voice. "I don't know what's wrong with you, I can tell it's more than just a little sick. You're staying here, warm and safe. I'm not going to have you at a social event like that."

... why doesn't he want me to go? I'm not gonna get anyone else sick. It's not like I'll collapse.

He didn't give me a chance to ask. He scooped up my dishes and with a kiss to the forehead, floated out of the room. Screw it. I rolled over and went to sleep.

It was dark when I opened my eyes. The room blurred into one color before me. Damien hadn't come back yet, I still felt the cool empty bed around me. It didn't hurt though. My chest, he must be close because the aching comfort of being alone was missing. I rolled to my side and clutched my ribs. I loved my pain, it's scary when it leaves.

When he walked into the room he immediately climbed in the bed. "I've got you. Always here for you."

My body violently tore from the bed at the crashing sound. When I turned my head I could see Damien had flipped the basket of toiletries into the floor and counter. "I'm so sorry, I was trying to be quiet. Just go back to sleep. You slept most of the day, I checked and you've been running a fever all day. I'll bring some food and medicine here for you, but then I have to leave for the ceremony. Just get some rest, sweetheart."

I don't want to sleep. The medicine arrived just as he was leaving. "I'll be back soon, link me if you need anything," another forehead kiss and he was gone.

My eyebrows scrunched together as he left the room, I honestly thought he would try harder to get me to go to the ceremony. I tried to reason with myself. He's just worried about you. You know he's proud to have you in this pack.

The bed was warm and comfy, I'd even taken a shower trying to relax. My muscles twitched, my chest filled like it would pop. Why wasn't I lonely?