Against the Heart (Azucarera Series #1)

Kabanata 37

Kabanata 37

Mistakes

The beautiful rising sun's rays hurt my eyes. Sa tangkad nga lang ni Leandro, tinabunan niya kaagad ang natatanaw ko, at tinatalikuran niyang pagsikat ng haring araw.

Shadowed by his body, I stared at him in awe.

"Do you wanna go now?"

Hindi pa naman ganoon ka init. The sun is actually tender in it's early morning rays. Umiling ako at ngumiti. I wanna treasure this moment first. How beautiful it is to finally confess my feelings to him, one fine sunrise, in front of Mount Canlaon.

"Can we stay here a bit longer. Just until the sun is too hot to bear?" tanong ko.

Muli akong tumingin sa Canlaon, sa palayan, at sa ilog na dumadaloy sa gilid namin.

Parang pareho ang iniisip namin. I clicked my car keys and he opened the front seat of my car. Umupo ako roon, sa wakas naglebel ang mga mata namin. The suspension of my Raptor gave me enough height.

Nilapag niya ang kamay naming dalawa sa aking kandungan. Nanatili ang mga mata niya roon kaya napatingin na rin ako.

"Nauna mo palang sinabi kay Kuya ang tungkol sa... nararamdaman mo."

Tumango siya. "I've been so worried about you. Knowing Levi left home and imagining you alone here in Altagracia, imbes na kalimutan kita, mas lalo lang tuloy kitang naiisip."

Nilingon niya ang tanawin sa unahan namin. Wala na roon ang sasakyan ni Kuya. Tanging ang walang tao at halos walang sasakyang dumadaang kalsada lang patungo sa kabilang probinsiya ang naroon. It was a majestic view, especially now that it's sunrise.

Malungkot akong ngumiti. Just as I thought. Pareho kaming dalawa.

"Kalimutan ako?"

"I have loved you even before I went away, Chayo."

I nodded. "And I have loved you even before you went away, too, Leandro."

Tumitig siya sa akin. My voice and words were soft yet I think that was one of the bravest statements I have ever uttered. And in front of him.

"What I mean is... like me, you tried to forget me, too?"

"Oo. Alam kong malabo na ang lahat. Given our situation. And besides, I am preoccupied grieving for my father's death. Isama pa ang maraming problema para sa amin ni Chantal. I want to give her a better life, even if it means forgetting, for a while, about my own."

Napatingin ako sa ilog. Lagi, noon, kapag napapadaan ako sa mga ilog ng Altagracia at saan mang karatigbayan, naaalala ko si Tito Carlos. I don't know what exactly is it that I'm feeling for him. Sympathy? No. But I didn't want him dead even after what happened to Mommy. I don't know.

"I'm sorry about Tito Carlos."

Nasundan ni Leandro ang tingin ko at nilingon na rin ang ilog. He sighed.

"Sa ilog natagpuan ang bangkay ni Papa noon. Nalunod siya," he voiced out the obvious.

"For a long time, I really believed that Daddy did it. Sa galit niya sa gabing iyon, pakiramdam ko kayang-kaya niya ngang gawin iyon."

"And for a long time, I also believed he did," Leandro said slowly.

Yumuko ako.

"Pero sinisi ko rin ang sarili ko. Bago nangyari iyon, nararamdaman ko na kay Papa. Hindi ko siya makumbinsi na gawin ang tama kaya pakiramdam ko, may kasalanan din ako. I hated him for what he did."