All For You

Ferris Wheel

I was happy with how things are going in my life.
I thought that the love from my family and friends were enough.
But deep inside, I know that something was missing.
I believed God will bless me and give my heart's desire.
Someone will come along and complete the missing puzzle.
I waited for years with the hope that once I meet this person, it's gonna be it.
I vowed to do everything I can to show how I love the person and for us to last.
These were my thoughts almost 5 years ago.

After watching "Love, Simon", I realized that 4 years ago, those were the same damn moments that I had to go through. Accepting who I really am and coming out was a bold move. I did it not only for myself but also to prove to the person that I was willing to take risks while I embrace who I am and what we have.

It was not easy and will never be for me. The people whom I thought will accept me, made me feel I was the worst person in the world. Maybe, I was just too hopeful that they should be the first to understand and accept me.

The world we live in is full of judgement and false righteousness, where it should have been full of love and acceptance.

I tried to keep up, tolerate what I have. In the process, I lost myself and everyone that I love. It was all my fault.

As what Simon said, everyone deserves a great love story. I had wonderful moments with this person that I am about to finally let go. I know we're no longer together for months now and every day was like this Ferris wheel. Sometimes I was happy hoping we'll be back together one day. But for the most part, sad that things will never be the same. It felt like I lost a part of me.

It's not easy to say goodbye to someone who was once your world. But I guess, we have to move on.

Every heartache is a lesson. Something to make us a better person.

A friend of mine once told me, sometimes we meet people who will be with us on our journey towards the destination. I don't have a clue of who the destination will be but I know that everything will make sense at the right time.

I hate labels, I am me. I love a person not with their gender but of who they are and what they make me feel. So please, deal with it.

This is not a coming-out thing, I'm just making it real. It is what it is. RESPECT is the key.

July 2018