Eren wants to punch Jean in the face. Well, at least more than he usually does. Captain Levi, Connie, Historia, everyone's noticed by now. Even the thickest of skulls are aware of it — skulls as thick as Jean's. Eren doesn't want to admit he's seen it too. He doesn't really want to admit it's even there in the first place.
He shakes his head and runs a hand through his mess of chocolate hair. It's not so much the rumor that bothers him so much. People have been judging him and talking about him behind his back for as long as he's been alive. No, that isn't what's upsetting him. What's upsetting him is the nauseating twist of his stomach whenever someone mentions it. It's the immediate reaction he has to deny everything because there's no way they're right. They can't be. When it was first brought to his attention, he didn't believe it. He just thought Mikasa was finding another way to criticize him without directly stating it in that vague yet specific enough way she does. So he ignored it. Because she didn't know what she was talking about — what would she know? But then someone else said something. It wasn't necessarily rude or demanding an answer, Hannah was just curious, asking questions because she couldn't help it. And Eren had been unnecessarily sharp with his tone and snapped at her questions. She immediately apologized and Eren felt horrible for lashing out.
The next couple times, he figured it was just a rumor and after a moment of considering it's inconvenience and wondering if he could stop it, he decided it was just a stupid rumor. And it wasn't true. Surely it would dissipate with time and it would probably only stay between a certain amount of people. Oh no. He was wrong. Soon it had spread to more and more until the entire cadet corps was secretly whispering in the dark. Eren didn't like it. He had become even more agitated than usual and had put a considerable distance between him and his friend, thinking maybe everyone would finally shut up and forget about it. But everyone just assumed they were fighting. And it made it worse. People would come up to him asking if he needed any advice or claiming they were there if he needed someone to talk to. And Eren had told them he didn't need any advice or any cheering up. He would be perfectly fine as long as they stopped bothering him about it. It was quieter after that, as most had either shut their mouths for fear Eren would beat them to a pulp otherwise or they had just grown to accept it as fact no matter how many times it was denied.
But there's something about Jean saying something that really gets to Eren. He wants to believe it's because it's Jean and he doesn't need him to harass him anymore than he already does. But even he knows that's not true. What gets him so worked up is that Jean is the most oblivious person on the face of the earth. He's about as dense as a brick and if anything was going on, he wouldn't know even if it slapped him in the face. But somehow even he knew. And though he knew Jean was only telling him to mess with him, it made him finally start thinking for a second. Maybe they were right. He could understand a few people gossiping just for the hell of it, but when the entirety of the people he knew were telling him something was off, something definitely was. Though of course it wasn't for the reason they thought it was. Absolutely not. Never in all eternity would that ever happen. That was just how things were. How they always had been.
Eren finds his feet leading him to the familiarity of the barracks and has no idea what it is he's doing. But he marches on, bursting through the door and once his eyes fall on a mop of blond hair, he immediately regrets this decision. "Eren!" the boy says with a small grin, as if he's been startled. "You scared me."
He sees ocean eyes shift, calm waves turning to the beginning of a storm. "What's wrong?"
It hits Eren as more of a statement than a question and he finds his mouth moving for him. "We need to talk. Alone."
He doesn't comment on the fact that they're already alone and rises from his bunk. Eren is grateful for his lack of interrogation as he follows him outside and towards a secluded area by the sparring grounds. When he finally turns around, the blond is pure worry. "Eren, what's going on?" he asks and the brunet doesn't think about any words coming out of his mouth. "Something's wrong."
"Wrong?"
Eren sees the sudden panic in ocean eyes and takes a second to clarify. "I'm fine." he says and he visibly relaxes, making Eren's heart skip a beat. He shakes his head softly. Now after thinking it over, he can see what everyone has been talking about and it's so obvious that he had no idea why he hadn't noticed before. "It's about the corps."
"The corps? Why, what happened?"
Eren curses himself under his breath. Nothing he's saying is coming out how he wants and it's causing unnecessary stress and concern. "No, I mean —"
He sighs in frustration, clutching at his hair. But the blond is patient with him which he again appreciates. "People are talking." he says finally and something in sapphire eyes tells him he knows what he's talking about. But he doesn't want to assume anything. "As they do."
Eren stares at the ground, finding his breathing is strangely erratic. He imagines he's furrowing his brow and averting his gaze, biting his lip the way he does when he's nervous. Eren shakes his head again because he shouldn't know that. He hears the hesitance in his voice as he asks, "What are they saying?"
At first Eren doesn't answer and he isn't sure why. He's the one who wants to talk, so why isn't he talking? But he knows it's not that he wants to talk. He needs to. "They're saying..." he starts, feeling a familiar tightness in his chest. "It's weird."
He gets the feeling again that he knows exactly what he's talking about, but he doesn't blame him for not bringing it up. Though he does sort of wish he would to spare him the trouble, but knows he wouldn't do something so selfish. Not to him. "They're saying what's weird, Eren?"
"Us, Armin."
He looks up to meet cerulean eyes. "That we're too affectionate, too close, to be just friends." Eren says and he's actually surprised he's made it this far. He sees the blond avert his gaze and can almost see the wheels turning in his head. He's trying to think of something. Something that will get him out of this situation a little longer and Eren wishes he didn't know him so well. Armin doesn't say anything for a moment and Eren doesn't know what to, so they just stand there in silence, an almost tangible tension settling over them. "You know, don't you? You've heard about it." he doesn't really ask as much as state. "Yeah," Armin says after a moment and Eren can tell he's given up with trying to find an excuse. "Yeah, I know."
"So you might also know why I'm here."
If he was honest with himself, he wasn't even entirely sure why he was here. But he was hoping Armin was smart enough to figure it out for the both of them. He sees something flicker in ocean eyes and takes a step closer, feeling like he blond has come to a conclusion and he wants to know what it is. "I...I can't say that I do."
"Armin," he says and there's a couple directions he can go. "We both know that rumors have to start somewhere."
He tears his eyes away. "Where there's smoke there's fire."
Armin swallows and looks up at him and the shimmer of fear he sees in his eyes makes Eren's heart ache. "And are you trying to put that fire out?"
"I'm trying to figure out who started it."
He takes a step back but the brunet follows after him. "Eren..." he trails off so Eren speaks for him. "I'm not blaming anyone, Armin." he says and it's sincere. "I honestly don't care who was the first to say something or how it spread. I care about why it happened in the first place."
He sees Armin put up his walls, trying to block the boy out but he'll have none of it. He observes Armin's face, stepping closer as he steps back until he hits the trunk of a tree and Eren has him cornered. He enters his personal space, noticing the frantic breathing and flushed cheeks. "Do you..." he says softly and he can see Armin trembling. "Do you like me, Armin?"
He doesn't need to ask what he means. He takes a breath and something about that makes Eren's stomach somersault. "I don't think that has anything to do with this."
"Don't avoid the question, Armin."
Ocean glances to emerald and it's all Eren needs before Armin slips under his arms and moves back towards the deserted field, his back facing him. Eren feels something shift in his chest and feels a pang of guilt as he sees Armin cross his arms across his chest, seemingly shrinking in on himself. He reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder, hating the way he flinches. "Armin," he says gently but the blond shrugs him off. "Don't say anything."
"Armin —"
"Don't!"
The raise of his voice sends a shot through his heart but doesn't sway him. He's messed up and now he needs to make things right. "Look, it's not a big deal." he tries and when Armin turns around he feels himself shatter. An ocean of tears is spilling from his eyes and Eren sees a mix of hurt and anger burning there. "Not a big deal?!" he asks and Eren steps back unconsciously. "So you don't care about me anymore, is that it? You shut me out because of some stupid rumor and because you care more about what people think than considering your best friend? And now you know the rumors are true, so you try to make this out to be some little crush that'll go away after a few days? I'm in love with you, Eren!" he shouts before turning and walking away. It takes a second for Eren's feet to move but when they do, he's running after his best friend, grabbing his arm and pulling him back around. "I'm not trying to make this out to be a little crush." he says and Armin is listening. "I...I know how much this means to you."
"Do you. Do you really."
"Yes, I do. I didn't mean to make you upset, I just..."
A knot forms in his throat but he forces himself to speak. "I just wanted to know if...what they were saying was true..."
Armin doesn't say anything and Eren kind of hopes he would so it would kill this unbearable silence. "If you really... thought of me that way...."
"What does it matter to you? Did you want to find out just to mess with me? To ridicule me for ever thinking such a thing could happen between us?"
Crystalline tears are running down his cheeks and Eren wishes he knew what he could say to make it better. "I wouldn't make fun of you, Armin." he says and something about the way he says it makes the blond meet his eyes. "Especially not for something like this. I was just..."
Eren's never been particularly good with words. He can't just talk and have everything turn out the way it needs to like Armin can. He doesn't know exactly when to offer reassurance, how to explain what he's feeling, or what he can say that can make Armin's tears go away. So he takes a second, staring into ocean eyes, wondering if this were the other way around, what would he want to hear? What would Armin say to him that would put that gentle smile on his face and make him feel like whatever was wrong never happened? But he knows this is a delicate situation and right now he needs to be there for him so he has to think of something and think of it quick. But he doesn't want to rush into it and say something he wants to take back. Words tumble around in Eren's mind, becoming mixed up and tangled until nothing is making sense and he isn't sure he understands English anymore. He has to say something, do something. Anything that will fix this. Because this is all that matters and if he loses Armin, he loses everything.
He must be taking too long because Armin turns his head. "It's fine. You don't have to say anything. You don't have to comfort me or say you feel the same. I get it. It won't happen and it never will and leading me on is just going to hurt us both. Just forget it ever happened." he says seemingly final, and turns on his heel to leave. But Eren can't let that happen. He hasn't said what needs to be said so he grabs Armin's shoulder and spins him around with a bit more force than he intended. "Armin, wait, I'm not — I don't ... You're really ... I don't mind that you ... it's not that I ..."
He groans in frustration with himself but Armin doesn't seem to really care about his fumbling. "What I'm trying to say ... I-I just ..."
Eren takes a breath, staring into ocean eyes and finds something there that pushes him forward. Something that makes him desperate to figure out what he wants to say and gives him a boost of courage he thinks he needed. Something in him snaps. "Goddamnit, Armin!" is what he says as he grabs the front of his shirt and crashes their lips together. He feels shaky hands come up to his nape and tangle in chocolate hair, and he's kissing him back just as forcefully. Eren lets all of his frustration out into the kiss, somehow trying to show Armin what he means by kissing him senseless. What he's doing doesn't fully register as his mind is focused solely on the feeling of Armin's mouth as it glides against his. He takes fistfuls of golden hair and the front of his uniform, pulling their bodies flush together. His tongue slips between Armin's lips and into his mouth, feeling warm breath pant quick and heavy against his skin. Their tongues dance, hands grabbing hold of anything they can reach, as if to reassure themselves that this is really happening. Eren feels like something in his chest is about to explode but he can't tell if it's his heart or his lungs. Maybe both. He doesn't want to pull himself away from the familiarity of Armin's lips, but he does anyway in his natural instinct to breathe. He tries to catch his breath, staring into ocean eyes and watching them flit over his face, as if they're searching for something. "I care about you . . ." he decides to say and though it isn't exactly what he wanted to say, it's a start. "More than anything or anyone else in the entire world. I want to explore the outside world with you. To see the ocean with you . . ."
Eren's lost track of what he's saying now. Words are just beginning to flow and he thinks it might be easier this way. Something about kissing Armin restored whatever composure he had lost to help him fix the holes he had dug for himself. "And I don't want something like this to have such an effect on you. I can tell you're upset and I hate that."
Cerulean eyes still stare, lips still unmoving. "I don't want some stupid rumor to come between us. I'm sorry I pushed you too hard, I just needed to figure things out and I didn't know how to do that. Do you forgive me?"
He looks at Armin with almost pleading eyes, his heart aching in anticipation. Then the blond gives a small smile. "Of course I do."
Eren grins, pulling Armin towards him to kiss him again. The blond melts into it, taking fistfuls of chocolate hair as their mouths glide with renewed passion. His hands are on Armin's lithe hips, pulling him closer until they run out of oxygen and are forced to pull away. Eren leans his forehead against Armin's, letting out a sigh of what might've been relief or perhaps unadulterated joy. He sees the blond's lips curve into a smile and he can't help reflecting the gesture, feeling like he's on top of the world.
