No one knew about my diary. I had gotten it when I started middle school with the money I had from my allowance. It was a way to deal with stress and anxiety and it honestly really helped me. I usually just scribbled a few notes here and there when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed at school or in general. It was an escape for me.
And then puberty happened. And I developed some intense feelings for a particular brunet. Being fourteen and terrified of literally everything, I freaked out and tried to ignore the way I felt about him. But being best friends didn't give me much time to escape him. So I found myself turning to my diary to vent my romantic frustrations. Years of repressed feelings came bubbling to the surface in brilliant rainbow waves, dying every page in their wake. And eventually nearly every page was stained with their colors. So naturally, whenever he came over, I kept my diary hidden away. Except for today.
He had asked if he could come over and I had agreed. I had finished scribbling something in my diary before straightening out my hair and fixing my appearance. But the doorbell rang before I was done and I had rushed down the stairs, too wrapped up in my excitement to remember to put away my diary.
I let him in and he gave me that smile that made my stomach flutter and we headed up to my room as usual. I must've been distracted with talking when I walked into the room and over to my window because the next thing I knew, he was saying the words I had just written.
"Finals are coming up and I'm feeling stressed again. I just hope I study enough. Armin, is this a diary?" he asked with a smirk as if this wasn't at all serious. Little did he know, my entire world was going to fall apart if he went back just a few pages. "Eren, don't!" I cried, throwing myself across the bed at him, but he stepped back out of my reach. He flipped the pages and I felt my heart drop. I ran over to him and grabbed for the book, but he kept yanking it out of my reach. "Something interesting happened today. We talked again and I did something really stupid."
"Eren!" I cried, lunging forwards and flailing my arms to no avail. "Don't read that!"
He ignored me, continuing to smile and avoid me. He really didn't know what was about to happen, did he? He held the book over his shoulder where I couldn't reach. "Well, I guess it wasn't so bad. I don't think he realized the meaning behind it. But I invited him to the movies and . . . ,"
I threw my arms around his neck to grab the book, but it was too far and I gave up trying. I suddenly realized the position we were in and blushed furiously, but I didn't move away. It was . . . nice being so close to Eren. I saw emerald eyes glance furtively across the writing and I knew what he was reading. I had asked him to the movies a few days before, deciding I would confess afterwards. We had watched the movie and then gone for a walk in the park and he had looked particularly adorable and it made me want to kiss him. And I nearly had. I had been staring at him so long he had taken notice and giggled and asked me some sort of question. I think I had said I was just worried about finals. But really I was distracted by warm emerald eyes and full pink lips.
"Armin," he breathed and I was brought back to the present, feeling weight sink heavy and suffocating in my chest. "I-I . . . ," I stuttered and he turned back to me, our noses inches apart. I swallowed, feeling my blush creep across my entire face and down my neck. My skin burned and my throat went dry and I licked my lips, trying to catch my suddenly labored breath. "Um . . . I was go-going to tell you . . . well, I guess you already know, I . . . um . . . ."
I glanced at him then hurriedly to the ground, feeling my pulse accelerate at an alarming rate. "You . . . wanted to . . . kiss me?" he spoke up and I shut my eyes, nodding sheepishly, my fingers subconsciously messing with the hair at his nape. I swallowed, waiting for everything to fall apart and take me down as it fell into oblivion. "You know . . . ," he muttered gently, but his words shook my entire world. "I wanted to kiss you too."
I looked up from the ground and noticed just how close we were. My heart was in equilibrium and I couldn't tell if it had stopped or was racing so fast that I couldn't feel each individual beat. The world faded away until it was just Eren and I, standing in each other's air, our breath tangling together. And then he was kissing me and my heart leaped into my throat before plummeting into my stomach. I felt like my insides had flipped upside down and twisted into a giant knot full of butterflies. But then my mind focused solely on Eren and his lips and the way they moved against mine. They way his hands settled on the small of my back and pulled me closer, the way our stomachs brushed ever so slightly as he kissed me again.
Just as softly as he had come, he pulled away and I felt my lips tingle with the ghost of his kiss. My eyes fluttered open and when I met his gaze, I couldn't help letting out a laugh. I smiled and he grinned, giggling along with me. He engulfed me in a bear hug and we somehow ended up by my bed. We fell back onto the mattress as he peppered my face with kisses. I giggled as he planted his lips to my nose and across my cheeks and forehead and chin before pecking my lips softly. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he smiled and I raised a brow. "I think I do. Have you seen how many pages I filled?"
"Are they all about me?"
"Mostly."
"Sorry about reading your diary by the way. I didn't think it'd be so personal. But it was still a dick move and I'm sorry."
"It's fine," I laughed. "I mean it meant I got to kiss you, so I'm not displeased."
We smiled and he leaned down to kiss me again before sitting up and pulling me against his chest. "Can I read the rest?"
"Sure."
"Will you read it to me?"
"If you want me to," I giggled, taking it from his hands. He inched closer, his arm draped over my shoulder and I snuggled into his warmth, pressing a kiss to his cheek as I opened to the beginning. We spent the next few hours reliving my years of embarrassment and infatuation, sneaking kisses in between a few of the entries.
