Voices: A Bbangkyu Story

Chapter 16: Hopes and Dreams

Younghoon laid asleep in his bed, feeling not only sad about his mother but Changmin. He tried to put a cold front up to focus on everything his father forced him into, but also to block out the pain of attachment. Losing his mother was the hardest thing Younghoon had ever faced. Changmin was the only one who helped him feel like he could breathe again...like he could have feelings. Falling asleep was hard, his mind was heavy. He wanted to be mad at Changmin, and he was a bit annoyed, or maybe more disappointed, but he just couldn't. His stomach was in knots, he felt hot just laying under the sheets when thinking about the younger boy. No matter how hard he tried to think otherwise, his mind was filled with nothing but Changmin. And the thought of being mad at Changmin just upset him. It seemed like ages, but Younghoon was finally able to wander off into sleep.

Suddenly, Younghoon awoke, but he wasn't in his bed, he was laying down face first on a stage. It appeared to be the school's stage. "Definitely a dream," Younghoon thought. Suddenly, "Call Me Baby" started playing. Changmin suddenly appeared at the wings of the stage with a bright smile and signaled Younghoon to move. Younghoon felt warm inside seeing Changmin stare at him so assuringly, and started dancing almost instinctively to the music. Unlike practice, he effortlessly performed and hit every move to perfection. His body was like jello, he wasn't stiff at all, and gave the performance his all. The music ended and he leaned over, huffing and puffing.

Suddenly, a dark figure stood up from the seemingly empty pit of the auditorium. The figure began clapping. Younghoon squinted, trying to make out who it was. A single spotlight shined onto a section of the walkway in front of the figure. The figure began to approach the spotlight and finally stepped into the light. In front of Younghoon, stood his mother, looking happier and healthier than ever, with a large grin on her face as she proudly clapped for her son. This is how Younghoon loved remembering his mom.

"M--mom," Younghoon muttered, tears filling his eyes.

His mother went up the stairs to join her son on stage before she embraced him. "Hello son. Oh I've missed you so much Younghoon." Younghoon hugged his mother back, unsure of what to say. "You were amazing."

Younghoon stood face to face with his mother, trying to process what was all happening. This was just a dream, right? But...maybe it meant something. Or why else would he be having it? "Younghoon look at me." Younghoon was interrupted from his thoughts looking up to meet his mother. "Sweetie...did you feel that? This is what you're meant to do! If you want to dance why are you listening to your father? Don't go into banking!" his mother asked with a big smile Younghoon missed dearly.

"Mom...b--because...because I want to make you proud! You said to take care of dad and be successful and make you proud! Dad is helping me walk that pat--"

"Sweetie...the path your father is making you walk down is not one I want you to be taking. Have you looked at yourself? You're stressing yourself out way too much! You clearly forgot the most important part of my wish...to be happy."

Younghoon was stunned. He sat in silence, really questioning if he was happy...and he wasn't. He thought about if he would be happy in the future if he continued living like this...and he wouldn't.

"You're not happy. You want to dance. Just look at you. Your father is stubborn and you might think listening to him will be for the best but look at how hard it's been for you. He thinks that pushing you like he's been doing the past two years will help you fulfill my wish, but he's only making things harder on you. He'll get over it and it'll start by you proving him wrong and doing what you love. You need to work towards your happiness..."

Younghoon sighed and stared at his mother speechless. Dream or not he couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"You know...I didn't want your father to do banking at first...but it made him happy and look at where he is now. Happy AND successful. You need to be happy before anything. If you're happy success will find you Younghoon. Start listening to what you want for once."

Younghoon sadly smiled. "You're starting to sound a lot like my friend Changmin, Mom."

Younghoon's mother giggled. "Ahh yes...that Changmin. I know who he is. You know I've been watching the two of you for a while now. He's a sweet boy. He cares about you a lot. You should listen to him. He's only looking out for you. The two of you are a cute bunch. I'm glad you've met someone like him."

Younghoon blushed just thinking about Changmin, and he tried to quickly change the topic. "I missed hearing your voice mom."

"I know son. I know you have. But do you know who's voice I think you're missing right now?"

Younghoon looked up, thinking of Changmin and saw him exiting the auditorium. "Changmin," he told himself. He turned back to his mother and tried to hide what he was thinking. "Who?"

"Changmin's. You and I both know it. He's helped you find your inner voice throughout all of this, and realize what you really want. He's the one really putting you on the path to success and happiness, but you're pushing him away. Don't lose his voice too. Despite what you may think...you care about him a lot too. He was just trying to help you be happy son and help you fulfill my wish. If you didn't care about him why would you be feeling like this right now? Just how do you feel about Changmin son? Be honest with yourself."

Younghoon blushed, but his mother was right. Younghoon loved hearing what Changmin had to say, and loved spending time with him. Just the thought of no Changmin was pretty unbearable. Younghoon had been pretty harsh and selfish towards him. Changmin was like no one else, he was Younghoon's special person. He shined the brightest and helped Younghoon find his way again. He was irreplaceable. Younghoon looked up to answer his mother when she began to fade.

"I'm going now son...don't forget to listen to your voice and do what you really want. No matter what you do, you'll always make me proud as long as you're happy. You made me proud by even allowing me to come see you perform just now. Don't forget this talk okay? I love you," Younghoon's mother softly said, placing her hand on his cheek. She suddenly vanished, nowhere to be seen. Younghoon touched his cheek before he suddenly woke up.

Younghoon sat up in bed at a 90 degree angle. He was sweating and looked around the room in shock. Did that really just happen? "Younghoon! Wake up! Let's go you have to start getting ready for the business meeting!" Mr. Kim's voice suddenly called. Younghoon looked over to his nightstand where a picture of him and his mother stood next to his phone, which lit up with texts from Changmin. Younghoon sighed and got out of bed, wiping the tears from his face. He knew what he had to do.