Person Of Interest. [GoodGuyFitz]

Living. (11)

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So when Ryan handed me a small straw and gestured towards the small white line waiting for me on the table, I didn't hesitate.

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There are a lot of things I could have done that would have been a lot safer than fucking cocaine. I could have asked one of the lads to drive me down the street so I could call an Uber. I could have excused myself to cry out back. I could have drank. I could have smoked pot. But in that moment I needed an out and I needed it fast, and for some reason my brain didn't even give me time to reason with myself.

The effect was almost instant. My heart started racing and for a second I had almost panicked, thinking I was about to have some sort of heart attack. The feeling quickly subsided and I pushed away the worried expressions Cam had sent my way. The euphoria everyone always talks about kicked in and the feelings of dread faded quickly.

It's hard to explain the euphoria. The high is much different than a nice buzz from a glass of whiskey or a high from some pot. I remember in my senior year of high school I had been peer pressured into smoking pot with a group of friends, and I had smoked more than I should have and ended up paranoid. I got that same feeling with the cocaine, but instead of being paranoid, my senses were just heightened by a hundred and ten percent.

Being sad and happy at the same time is very conflicting. Every time my mind wandered back to Annabelle and what happened with Jay, it would be quickly replaced with a sudden burst of high. Then Matt would say something funny or Mason would make a funny face and I was distracted for another twenty or so minutes.

I had later learned that those twenty minutes were actually about two minutes. My sense of time and the earth in general had become non-existent at some point and hours felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. I was aware and focused on everything, but at the same time everything seemed like one big fuzz in my brain.

"Eric mate, am I real?" I had asked him. In my drugged haze his laugh sounded distant. Everything and nothing seemed real, while staring at my hands it almost looked as if they were fading away. I couldn't tell if I was just too pale, or just something. Something was happening,

"Eric. You know how in the movies, where someone goes back in time to mess with something and then they start to disappear because they altered history and it resulted in them not ever being born? And then when they like, when they like, um. And then they go back to regular time and they start fading away? That's what I feel like. That's what's happening," I stressed, holding onto the collar of his shirt and looking deep into his eyes.

"Fuck that must be good coke," Ryan chuckled faintly from behind me. I ignored it, and looked to Eric for my answers.

"Void, you're real. You just took really pure coke," Cam walked up to me and separated my hands from Erics shirt. I didn't realize I had been gripping the fabric that hard, and now his shirt was more wrinkled than usual.

"Oi, I asked Eric the question. Not you, tall boy," I crossed my arms and walked over, taking a seat next to Jay.

"Tall boy, aye?" Jay laughed, handing me a bottle of water, "You really showed him."

I ended up rolling my eyes and turning slightly away from him. Sure, it seemed childish. But I wasn't necessarily in the right state of mind to give much of a fuck. Ever since Jay and I had that argument, the invisible bad blood between us evaporated. Total comfort enveloped us.