How the revolutionary war really went according to USUK shippers

36 2 9

by citricArtisian

by citricArtisian

I don't ship USUK but I'm really bored

Once upon a time, England was a girl. She gave birth to a beautiful boy named Alfred. Then she became a boy again.

England raised Alfred to be a strong handsome young man.

But then as all teenagers do, they become rebellious against their STUPID LOW BROW BOSSY PARENTS WHO GIVE THEM ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN LIFE.

"Hey England bro! Heck you!" Alfred Said one day. "I'm gonna form my own civilization! AWAY FROM YOU!"

"Hah, there's no where you can go, al!" He said.

"bench plz there's the entire Atlantic Ocean between here and that other weird place we found in the 1700s! Seeya iggy!"

So Alfred illegally renamed himself AMERICA and formed his own colonies on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.

"THAT WANKER" screed England. "Well diddly dome darn him, I'll just start stealing his money until he gives in."

So iggy sent the redcoats to fine people there for drinking tea, because it was property of the British empire.

"HECK YOU ENGLAND!" Said America after a few months of fines. "YOU AND YOUR STUPID SALAD WATER! YOU KNOW WHAT FROM NOW ON, DUDES WERE GONNA DRINK SODA AND NOTHING RLSE!!!!!"

So they threw all the tea into the ocean.

"NO MY TEA" cried England.

"HAHA!!!! THATS SOME HOT TEA, SIS, AMIRIGHT?!" Laughed America to his 'friend' Hamilton.

"What in heavens name are you talking about, and why am I here?"

"Lol I dunno bro, the author just couldn't think of any of the dudes that were involved in this tea party. Why are they even called tea parties? They're not fun at all. Except this one!" Replied America.

Then after that, England and America started having battles. Except England always forgot his army, so he lost.

"yEAAAH dudes! We won the war!" Screed America. "God bless me!!!"

"God bless you...." yelled the rest of the colonists unenthusiastically.

Back in the UK, England was having an emotional breakdown.

"AMERICA WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?! I LOVE YOU MARRY ME!!!"

So then England called America on the phone and said those exact same words over again.

"Dude, that's what this entire thing was about?"

"Yeah. I want you to come back!!!"

"Nah dude you're like one of those weird boyfriends who don't let the girl go anywhere"

"I promise I'll stop"

"Yeah okay you're kinda hot I guess. Later bro"

So that happened.

Kids don't believe anything your US history teacher tells you