Breathe....just breathe...... I don't know what is happening to me but I just need to stay in here locked away from the world and calm down. I hate the fact I lash out on her but there's this anger inside of me that comes out whenever I'm super stressed out lately. Maybe I do have anxiety.....maybe she's right. I just really hope all the things I said to her don't affect her well being...like what if she just leaves me one day and never comes back. That would break me....I don't know how I'd go on in life without her. I really want to tell her how I feel but I need to calm down first.
I go to the bathroom and wash my face with cold water and somehow that relaxes me a bit. I feel like I can breathe now or like the weight of fixing that damn song is off my shoulders. I don't know what possessed me to leave her alone and just focus on the album. It was just constant stress and panic that was way too overwhelming. I have no idea what the time is but it feels like I've been locked in here for hours on end.
"Y/N" I whisper leaving the bedroom but I get no response "Baby?" I say walking towards the open balcony door, she turns around in her chair with compassion in her eyes but also fear.
Shit, have I scared her that much?
"Are you ok now?" She asks with her soft voice almost like she's afraid of me as I sit down "Yh I've just been feeling weird lately, I-I'm so sorry for what I said to you" I say "I didn't mean it....you haven't done anything wrong to me I-I" I state furrowing my eyebrows "You felt on the edge? Like you had to release the stress on someone?" She responds "Yh how did you know?" I ask "Don't be mad but I kinda looked up anxiety and the symptoms and the stuff you're displaying is similar to it" She says placing her hand on mine as we face the view. "It's fine I'm not mad but I think I should do something about it now so it doesn't get worse" I say placing my shoulder on hers "Maybe a therapist or some meditation would help" She replies "I'm really sorry baby, if I ever lash out again just know that I don't mean it so don't take it personally" I sigh as I tear drop leaves my eye "Awww don't cry Shawn" She says in her angelic voice as she lifts my face up with her small soft hands. "Don't worry I'll never leave your side but just one question" She whispers "Hmmm?" I mumble "If you ever tell me to leave should I just go...like on a personal level. Because I know at times you need the space and quietness" She questions "No...never" I state "No but I mean seriously there will be times where you would want to be all alone and Andrew did call me saying if you seriously need space he get a hotel for me" She replies and I think about it seriously. "No stay...." I say and she just nods
A few hours later... Y/N and I are enjoying some Spongebob on the couch while eating some lunch and honestly having her here with me calms me down as I lay my head down on her lap. The album and my music doesn't even cross my mind as my eyes slowly close.
*knock knock
Is all I hear until I feel her move my head off of her lap and answer the door. As my eyes slowly open I see Andrew and a boy who looks around Y/N's age.
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"Hey Andrew, What are you doing here?" She asks as I sit upright on the couch. "Just wanted to introduce you to Connor, he'll be helping making visuals for your album" Andrew says and my eyes just focus on that boy who's eyes who just wonder up and down Y/N's body. "Oh hey" She smiles at him while he shakes her hand and he caresses it a bit "Hey man" I sigh standing up trying to break up what Connor's doing. "Hey dude" He replies
"Hey Shawn can I talk to you outside?" Andrew asks and we go out to the balcony leaving Connor and her inside which to be honest I'm not comfortable with. "Hey man what's going on? Y/N's told me that you've possibly been dealing with anxiety or something?" He asks "Yh I don't know I just developed it all of a sudden..I-I just felt so stressed over wanting to make each song perfect as possible. I think it's because I didn't do anything to relieve my anxiety so some type of anger built up inside of me and had to be released" I answer "Well I hope you try and fix this because I've signed you and Y/N for this job and I don't want to have to replace anybody with anyone else because you guys can't work together" He says "I mean I told her if you need space she should give you space and come back whenever you or her are ready" He continues and my mind fills with bad thoughts of her leaving me one day and perhaps never coming back "I know but what if something bad happens to our relationship" I sigh while in the corner of my eye I see Connor and Y/N laughing in the living room "Well try and avoid that happening" He states as he gets up and walks back into the living room and I follow. "Connor we've got to get going" Andrew says and Connor gets up "Well it's been nice talking to you Y/N" Connor smiles while they stare into each other's eyes "Same byeee" She giggles as they both leave. My mind begins to spin and I feel really uneasy as my heart rate intensifies and my mind just focuses on the future of me and her. What Is Happening To Me ?
?
She's
Gonna Leave
Me. I'm
A. Horrible Boyfriend She Will Get Tired Of Trying To Fix Me
I'm Not Making Her. Happy Anymore Like Other. People. Are
Is This. Love I'm Feeling When I'm With Her Or Is. It Fake Is She. Lying. To Me By Saying She'll Never Leave
