SEVEN MINUTES || L. NORRIS

TWENTY EIGHT

If I came back now would you still be there?

---

LANDO

I sat in the corner of my dark bedroom in my drunken state, empty glass bottles of beer and vodka scattered around me on the floor. I didn't want to touch the bed, I didn't want her smell to disappear from the pillow and the sheets. Ever since she'd left this morning, I'd been searching high and low to find any alcohol I'd kept in my apartment. I never consumed alcohol, only if we were celebrating an important event, but somehow, I still managed to have a lot of the stuff across my apartment.

I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to hold Isabelle in my arms last night. I treated it like it was the last time and I didn't take any second of it for granted. I fell asleep much later than she did, as I just wanted to see her in such a peaceful state. She was so beautiful when she slept. I thought that maybe things were definitely different now, she was certain about wanting us to try again and she wasn't going to leave until that happened, but she proved me wrong. Maybe it was her anxiety talking for her, it did that more often than not, and it became so out of Issy's control that she eventually had no choice but to give into it.

I fucking missed her and it hurt like hell. There was an overwhelming stinging sensation in my chest and it felt like I'd gone through another breakup. I was contemplating climbing into my car and driving over to her apartment, but I knew that wouldn't end well. I would hurt myself, my parents would be angry and McLaren would have nothing to say apart from, "you're sacked, find another team". I wasn't going to risk the consequences, so I had no choice but to remain in the confined corner, terrified to move a muscle.

I had no idea what time it was. I didn't know whether I was supposed to be training in the morning as I turned my phone off when Isabelle left. I didn't want anybody to contact me and I knew she wouldn't try, so I wasn't missing out on anything. I felt so lonely, as if I had absolutely nobody to turn to and even though I wanted to be by myself right now, knowing that I had somebody to speak to about this right now would have been a little more reassuring. The only person I had was Isabelle but right now she was nowhere to be seen. I hoped she made her way home safely and was in her apartment right now, tucked into bed where she was secure and where no harm would come to her.

I just wanted to know that she would take me back. I knew that her feelings never disappeared, because the amount of love we shared was mutual and I know that if I couldn't get over Isabelle, she wouldn't stand a chance either. We truly were inseparable and I knew that there would always be something that would bring us back to one another. Our love was so strong and I knew that we would be betraying one another if we didn't gravitate back towards our relationship. Issy made me feel things I never thought were humanely possible, and that wasn't even in a sexual way. She made me feel like the luckiest man in the world, the most loved, the most cared for, because she treated me as if I was the only person who existed on the planet with her. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but that described mine and Isabelle's love perfectly, because when we were together it was like there was nobody else around. It was the pair of us in our own little world and nobody would ever be able to take that away from us. We were so happy, cliché too, but our love was like something you would read about in a fairytale. Everything was so perfect.

I wanted to know if she would still be waiting for me the next time I showed up at her apartment, or whether she would realise that I was a piece of shit and would finally give up on me for somebody who could be there for her all the time. I knew that if she ever gave anybody else the opportunity to love her, they never could love her in the same way I did. The love I had for Isabelle would never be replaced by anybody, no matter how fond their heart grew of her. She was my girl and she would only ever be my girl.

I knew I'd fucked up. If I acted differently at the beginning of the season, maybe mine and Isabelle's relationship wouldn't have broken down. Everything would be as great as it always was and I would be the good boyfriend I knew I could be. I let her down countless times whilst I was working and I deserved to be without her. She deserved to find somebody better, but I didn't want her to be in the arms of anyone, unless they were mine. I wanted to feel her kiss against my lips again, the one I was so lucky to experience last night, when she kept me up with her talking. Even though my eyes stung because I was so tired, I didn't mind staying awake to listen to the sound of her voice. I knew I could have shown her just how much I loved her last night, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. And right now, I could hear the sweet mutters she would make, and the way she would say my name when she came and fell weak beneath my body. I could see the way she would smile whenever I took hold her of her hand, her eyes growing wide when I told her she was beautiful and that I loved her. I heard the sweet sound of her voice as she told me "I love you and I love you forever"; it was our thing, our saying and it warmed my heart each time she brought herself to say it.

Isabelle really was the love of my life and I grasped hold of a second chance, but I couldn't keep a strong enough hold on that. I'd fucking lost the only second chance I would ever get and I knew it was because I tried too hard to rush into having her back. I fucked up. I ruined everything I ever laid my eyes on and it was absolutely soul destroying because I would do anything to have a second chance with Isabelle.

I sobbed into the thick material of the joggers I'd been wearing all day, my head resting against my kneecaps, my tears seeping through the grey material and reaching the skin beneath it. I shook my head, biting on my trembling lips. I was so distressed and so drunk, I needed somebody to tell me that the war which was taking place in my mind wasn't going to last forever. More precisely, I needed Isabelle to tell me that. My head was banging, the ache in my forehead had been lingering there ever since I took my last gulp of vodka. I knew the liquids wouldn't stay down for too long. I shortly found myself rushing to the bathroom, my eyes full of tears, making my vision blurry as I stumbled through my apartment.

I knelt down by the bowel of the toilet and wrapped my arms around it, throwing up every last drop of alcohol I had consumed and forced into my system. I couldn't stop. I felt disgusting. I was sweating, my head was banging, my heart racing inside my chest. The burning feeling in my throat did not subside. The room was spinning and I could only hold onto the cold ceramic of my toilet.

I cried. I did nothing at all but sob and sob, whilst crying Isabelle's name out into the emptiness of my apartment. I thought it was getting better for us, things began to look a little more hopeful, more prosperous, but I was so wrong to ever think we would move anywhere after this. I'd well and truly fucked everything. Being lucky enough to have Isabelle back in my arms for good would be nothing but a miracle.

I knew now that I was about to lose the love of my life forever.

---