prove it - j.g

chapter thirty eight: "she'll never know"

jack gilinsky

vanessa and i haven't really been talking lately, not for anything bad but because im in la for a week. i left yesterday, not being able to say goodbye since she is insanely busy with school work. for the entire flight, i was bummed out and upset. johnson was getting a bit annoyed with me, seeing as i was ignoring him and dwelling on the fact that i miss my girlfriend.

today was day one of seven that johnson and i were in la. we had to go to the studio to record two more songs, that way we can have a full list of ones to choose from for the album coming out in november. as we were in the car on our way to the studio, johnson looks over at me seriously.

"so, what happened with vanessa? did you find out why she was shutting all of you out?" he ponders. once his questions leaves his lips, i realize i have yet to inform him about the whole situation with brandon and vanessa. a situation that bothers me much more than i portrayed to vanessa.

"uh yeah" i nod, "it had to do with brandon, her older brother."

his eyebrows furrow, "didn't you say they're insanely close? why would she shut all of you because of him?"

i nod, "they are. he uh, he doesn't approve of her and i dating. or didn't approve until days went by of him threatening her and dylan, her younger brother, talking to him. he told her that he wouldn't give me his blessing if her and i were to get married in the future."

"what the fuck? are you kidding me? no brother has the right to say that unless the boyfriend is an actual piece of trash who abuses the sister in ways more than just mental" johnson pipes up, evident annoyance and anger laced in his tone.

"yeah, i know. it apparently took a lot for him to be okay with us, i don't know what fully changed his mind. he made her prove me to him. she skimmed through various topics she brought up and feelings she had, but i don't know if that's all that made him suddenly be alright with me" i briefly explain some more.

he shakes his head, "alright, wow. so how do you feel?"

"how do i feel? well, i feel like i can't ever do anything wrong or else im going to have an angry older brother banging on my door ready to tell me to stay away from her. whether that be that i forget our anniversary or her and i get in an argument about me touring. she tells him so much, im sure she'd tell him something that made her upset without thinking about it. im worried now, worried that i have to tip toe around him and be the ultimate best to her. i mean, i already want her to be happy, have whatever she wants, " i vent, explaining my feelings that remain unknown to vanessa.

"makes sense. did you have a feeling that he didn't like you or approve of you dating her?"

i nod, "one hundred percent. the way he drilled me with questions that her dad didn't even care to ask me, the way he wanted her to be near him and not really near me, the way that he simply spoke to me seemed as if he were portray himself as the more superior one."

johnson shook his head in disbelief, "are you ever going to tell her all of this?"

"she knows that i didn't think he liked me. but all of my feelings about the situation, no. she'll never know" i respond.

"why not? why don't you want to tell her?" he asks genuinely.

"what type of conversation is it to have with your girlfriend who you apparently love and want to keep happy? that's me telling her how i negatively feel revolving the situation with her older brother, who she's blood related to. i can't come in-between them and me telling her my feelings, i think that would come between her and i. the last thing i want, and will ever want, is to lose her. im already worried she'll one day realize that there's someone better, i don't need that to happen because i want to clear my head" i answer him with all the truth in me.

his eyes widen, "goddamn bro. you, wow... i don't know how you're dealing with this. but hold on, you want to keep your feelings away from the girl who you claim to love because you don't want her to suddenly begin thinking and then suddenly break up with you?"

i shrug, "exactly. the last thing i want is to lose her. i love her, johnson. im trying to keep her happy and calm, not worrying about the next time him and i end up in the same room together."

a chuckle leaves his lips at my words, "what? you and brandon would throw hands?"

"who knows, man. there's evident feelings between us that aren't good. if one of says something the other doesn't like or supports, i don't think we'd have a hard time wanting to fight the other" i shrug.

he shakes his head, "this brother has really gotten you fired up. so what's the plan? how are you going to get through all of these family gatherings and his wedding?"

i sigh, "faking it? i am okay with everyone except him, from all of the family members i've met so far. even his fiancée and i get along fine, especially now that she is someone who is facing a similar situation as me. she's been supportive towards vanessa, from what vanessa's told me. i guess i just have to put my feelings aside since i have such a strong love for vanessa."

"i can't believe you aren't going to let her know your true feelings though, man. if she knew how you were feeling, she'd be able to help you and maybe make accommodations. she'd be able to be there for you and defend you more" he states, looking at me as if he'd change my mind.

i shake my head, "no, she's never going to find out. as long as i don't tell her, she'll never know. this isn't a secret that is me proposing, me taking her on a vacation, or me ready for the next step in our relationship that would make our relationship better. this is something that could ruin our relationship immediately or in time. i can't let that happen."