prove it - j.g

chapter twenty seven: "this was a mess"

jack gilinsky

what the fuck am i supposed to do? i said yes to vanessa and i can't just take that answer back. i especially can't say to her, "hey sorry babe, work means more to mean than your brother's wedding. hope you understand, see you when im back from tour!" it meant so much to her, just the way she was acting all before asking me, i could tell she was nervous. immediately, johnson looked over at me with his eyes slightly widened.

looking away from him, i gaze down at the wooden table in front of me and let out a sigh. november is going to be hectic, insane, and filled with various events if i go through with both things. thankfully, the tour doesn't start in november, though the process where johnson and i will have to be in la does. meaning that, well shit, i have to get my shit together and try to work this out. i can't tell vanessa, i can't tell her anything that's going on but i also can't just hide it from her.

after various more topics being discussed, johnson and i were finally able to leave the room. my mind was clouded with thoughts that went miles long. there was no way that i could hide this from her, but i had to for as long as possible. what makes this most difficult is that i don't know the exact date of brandon and bethany's wedding, i just know that it's near the end of november. so, hopefully this can all play out well and i will be able to come back to omaha from la, attend the wedding, and then go back to work.

"you doing okay?" johnson asks as we are walking out to the taxi to go back to our homes.

i nod with a sigh, "just trying to figure it all out."

he slants his lips and shrugs, "you never know, bro. im sure she is going to be happier than ever to wish you well on another tour. what are you so worried about?"

"you don't get it, johnson. i have committed to an event that she was so excited to ask me about, one that involves her family which she was also so excited about since i would be meeting all of them. how can i just not worry that i may not be able to accompany her to this?" i essentially snap, growing nervous as the car begins moving and i know i'll be facing her afterwards.

"it's life, gilinsky. i mean, if she gets so upset or if you really don't want to, im sure you could go to the wedding and send me your opinions via text or email, that was you're contributing to the imrpotany decisions we have to make."

+ +

once shutting the door of my bedroom, i fell on my bed and let out a huge sigh that i didn't comprehend i had within me. i really didn't know how vanessa was going to react to my face, though i know that she will one hundred percent lie to my face and pretend she's happy, excited, and okay. but i don't want her to lie, i want her to be honest no matter how hurtful it may be.

while laying on my bed, my phone buzzed from beside me two times.

vanessa
okay, i just woke up
talk to you later

seeing her name caused my stomach to sink. this isn't what a relationship is. i have to tell her without keeping secrets, letting her know that im going to make this work to keep her happy while still participating in essential meetings that i have to attend in la for my job.

jack
im home now, i just have a lot of thinking that i have to do right now
i'll talk to you later, can i come over in a couple of hours?

i anxiously waited for a reply from her, tapping my foot as i awaited the typing bubble to pop up.

vanessa
yes, is everything okay?

jack
kind of, don't worry about it

i knew that message probably didn't help the situation, nor did it probably help the way she was feeling. this was a mess and all it was going to do was get messier.