Furore

14| Only Smiles.

14| Only Smiles.

"Arsalan," I spoke his name softly, taking a hold of his fingers lightly with my heart thumping in the background loudly.

He paused in his position a little taken aback, his eyes switching his gaze from my face to registering my hand holding his.

I knew he had been really indifferent, insensitive and even immature without having any just reason. I knew he had been unstirred to the extent of being rude and mean.

I knew it should have been him, talking to me first, sorting out things between us after all that had happened from him being so callous to his father being a complete asshole but still I could not help myself.

I knew it was probably wrong of me to not think of my self-respect and to talk to him regardless of what he had been doing but I also knew that I needed to do it anyhow, more for myself and for my heart.

I really felt for him from the core of my being, I felt like I had never felt before for anyone and I wanted to feel all of it more and more.

I could be all angry at him for him not talking to me properly yet despite all of it, every time he gazed into my eyes, my heart fluttered, it felt happy to see how I had the power to make his fierce eyes turn softer than ever before even when he himself wouldn't want that.

I liked how he had mastered the art of ignoring my presence so smoothly but how he could never know enough of it, never enough to the point of stopping himself from protecting me in all and every way possible.

I loved how he would be okay with the two of us being strangers but how his body could not hide how tensed and worked up he becomes every time some random guy trying to have a chance with me.

I rejoiced who he would throw his tantrums at me, show me how he did not care a bit but fail himself every time, rushing to me with whatever I needed or pleased though always vicariously.

All of these gestures might be too tiny to even spare a moment for them but for me, they meant a lot, for me I had a lot of me attached to them, I derived my peace, my happiness, my rush from them and I didn't want to give up on all of it so early.

"What's wrong Arsalan?" I finally asked him out. My breath heavy and nervous.

"Nothing." He glanced up into my eyes for a second before shaking his head in denial.

"Really?" I confirmed. I could see he did not expect me to confront him, that I would talk it out so easily and maybe that was why he appeared so fazed.

"It's nothing." He tried to say it cooly but could not succeed. I sensed the anxiety and awkwardness in it. "All fine."

"Is it?" I moved closer to him, firming my hold on his fingers. "Then why do I feel so distanced from you Arsalan?"

He stared into my eyes when I said it, amazed that I was actually confessing unflinched. "Why do you try to tell me that you are angry, upset or whatever?"

"I'm not." He spoke again and I could not help but sigh internally. He was so stubborn. I hated it.

"I'm sorry Arsalan." If he wanted to hear me say sorry, I could, a hundred times over. I could. "I know you must have felt bad that I left you. I would have felt the same but."