Furore

34| Shattering.

unedited but okay.

34| Shattering.

I was sat on the table with the sight of  food making me nauseous, with my heart crumbling again and again, with my chest becoming heavier and heavier and with my eyes begging my family to just look at me like I was Sithara, their Sithara.

Tears trickled down my eyes once again  with my mind bursting with memories and possibilities of what could happen. I did not even exactly know how and what I felt but I just knew it was not pleasant, it wasn't warming but it was scary, scary to the extent that I wanted to rush back to where I had come from.

"If you do not want to eat it, just throw it away but do not sit here and jinx." Mumma's harsh voice ringed in my ear and I couldn't help but cry more.

I hadn't heard her talk to me like this ever in my life, I hadn't seen my family look at me the way they did now, I had never felt so alone, so alienated from them ever before like the way I did right now when they had refused to even spare a glance at me.

I wanted to tell them I was not wrong, I wanted to tell them I didn't do anything
intentionally, I wanted to tell them I did not do anything disrespectful, I wanted to tell them what I was going through and what I went through but it seemed they had declared my sin and their eyes watching me with disappointment was shattering me second after second.

I gulped a lump in my throat as all of them waited for me to take a bite. I tore a part of the chapati when my phone rang rendering me numb.

I glanced at the screen before looking up at everyone on the table. Their eyes, embarrased and ashamed,were already stuck at me. It was Arsalan.

I felt my heart pump faster as I knew I couldn't recieve his call but at the same time I knew he must be worried. I had not talked to him properly for almost a day now.

I wanted to get up, run outside and vent out my heart to him, I wanted to tell him I'm not fine, tell him I'm afraid to lose him, tell him I don't want to live without him, tell him I love him with all my being, tell him I won't be able to love someone else ever, tell him to do something for me, something for us soon because I was just dying from inside. But before I could gather the guts to take it, the call died for the third time and the fourth time too.

A shiver went down my spine when my father picked up my mobile and threw it against the wall with a lot of force and resentment. It broke but I was too shook to absorb it.

"Papa." I rushed to hold his hand but he jerked it off. "Papa..please." I cried. I had not done this before. I always had my family, my parents, especially my father in whatever I did but this time it was different. He wasn't even ready to hear my justification. He wasn't even ready to give me a chance.

"Rajeev." I was pleading him to stay when Imran uncle's voice roared in the hall, jolting me up completely. I did not think if I could survive it anymore, my nerves ached but more than that my heart was tired and dried.

"Proud father of Sithara??" I closed my eyes hearing his words, tears flowing down like a river as I held onto my white dupatta tightly to hold myself up.

"Her achievements, the way people look up at her and her conduct always made me insecure about Daniya but today I feel like a fool to even have compared the two. If she ain't earning then my daughter is also not destroying homes."