Furore

18| He Broke Me.

18| He Broke Me.

"This." I couldn't say more, I couldn't say less, I could only feel the pain pouring out of my heart the moment my eyes met his.

He looked away in an instant. "Thank you." He murmured slowly, his hands brushing against mine as he took the packet from my hand but thankfully he didn't walk away.

All my life I hadn't understood what silence was, I hadn't felt it, I hadn't let it touch me but that day every ounce of me could sense it.

I could gauge the affliction silence carried, I could weigh the fear that made silence heavy, I could count how it was so filled and full that eventually it seemed all mute and empty.

Silence wasn't about the quietness in the air, it wasn't about two people with a broken or non-existing connection, it wasn't about people not knowing what to say but it was about the dearth of words.

It was about the thousands of thoughts whirling in one's mind but finding no escape, it was about the prospect of getting hurt that withdrew one back, it was about the terror of ruining everything, it was about the lack of courage to face the reality.

I wanted to break through that silence that day, I wanted to defeat it; I wanted to reach out for his cheeks, turn his face towards me and make his eyes peer into mine. But I was scared.

I still believed everything would fall in its place the moment Arsalan would gaze into my eyes, when the rest of the world around us would cease to exist, when he would yet again know what he meant to me.

I still believed I would win if it be only him and me and our hearts beating for each other but the fear of being totally wrong stopped me.

I did not want to give up on my hopes so early, I did not want my heart to get marred yet again and so soon, hours before he finally read the Nikah with Madhia.

I was doing all to stay hopeful, I was trying to do the best to hold onto what my heart was dying for but the fact was that I was hopeless from within, that a part of me had died.

I wondered if all of it could affect me any more, if I could get more shattered, if Arsalan could break me any more but I was wrong.

I got completely torn the moment he refused to glance into me eyes; I felt as if I was being deprived of my righteous breath.

I could not tolerate his gaze running away from me, narrating the distance that the destiny had paved for us. I was not weak and I wanted to challenge it but why wasn't Arsalan ready to help?

Why did he feel okay staring at every thing expect me? Why was he fine with choosing some girl that was not me? Why was it so easy for him to do that? Why could not he see I was breaking, that I could die without him? Did not my eyes yell that I was madly, deeply in love with him?

I only knew Sithara who always had the voice to speak her heart out, who had the strength to be her, to seek out for what she wanted but here the fear of losing Arsalan altogether and at once had changed me completely.

I didn't want to speak, I didn't want to say anything, I didn't want him to walk away hearing me, instead I prayed for the world to stop, for the moment to cease and last forever so that somehow we could be, only us, only a few inches apart from each other.