Do you see
how I love him true~
it could have been you.
As for you
and your love for she~
it could have been me.
But we were a maybe,
and never a must~
when it...
I knew I could burst if I had to wait any longer but then he entered, talking over his phone, his tie loose, his coat hanging over him haphazardly.
"Any progress?" He asked his manager and he nodded, bending over the table to explain.
"Sir, Ma'am wants a thin booklet, with around 7 pages. Six of them blank and one of them with the importance of the free media, and a few instances from like China and Korea about how news is crushed and manipulated so that we warn our readers."
"But as far as I remember." He looked at Mehr, my junior. "We planned a few news and some advertisements right?"
"Yes, Sir. I demonstrated what we want but Sithara Ma'am dose not agree to it much. She says it would be distracting the readers from the main cause. She wants all focus on the issue." His man answered.
"Okay." He contemplated. "You all can guide our journalists about the content you want but we can't compromise with the advertisements." He talked to Mehr and it irked me like anything as if she had any say over me.
"That would be just a waste of space." I added nonetheless. "Our agenda is to show that blank pages are equivalent to fake and regulated information."
"It is not just Delhi, but we are covering seventeen states. It is huge money. Can not just do away with advertisements." It seemed as if he was in a conversation with everyone around the table except me.
"It would make the protest commercial. I do not want anyone to question its authenticity moreover the companies could later throw the responsibility over us for their name being dragged in something they didn't agree to if there happens to be any suits filed." I spoke, keeping aside my feelings.
It was tiring to do this again and again and I did not understand why I was not insulated and protected against him till now, as if it wasn't enough already, as if something more was yet to happen, as if I could get hurt more, as if there was not a pattern I was aware of that broke my heart. I loathed how I could be all cool and firm and he would just come and melt my heart.
I had started feeling ashamed of myself, of the control I still let him have over me despite everything he did. I was obstinately and unabashedly betraying myself for him over and over again, I was cheating on myself, my family for someone who had used me and thrown me away whenever he felt like.
I ridiculed myself more than how much he ridiculed me. I was pathetic, without any self-respect or morals.
"Is there any other issue arising?" He ignored my point altogether. I felt heat rise up my cheeks. "I do not think we will be able to do it without ads."
"You should have thought this before contracting." I argued back, making him spare a glance at me in unconcern at my authoritative voice.
"If there's any other problem, let the team know." He stood up. "I gotta go."
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