Because She Loved Him

Expectation

Bjorn was alone in the recording studio, Benny had gone home to Frida hours ago and had advised him to do the same and go and see his beautiful Anna. He didn't want to, he knew he should but it was so difficult. He was restless and if he was honest a bit bored. He knew that Anna loved him and he did love her but she was so wrapped up with the children that he felt surplus to requirements.

In fairness their love life was still as fiery as it ever was and he found his mind drifting often to memories of their passionate moments, it was just not as spontaneous as it used to be. He could not have her wherever, whenever now and that bothered him.

Oh, he loved his children and he had wanted them, he and Anna had discussed it endlessly but he just could not get used to being second in Anna's affections and he had not realised how much they would change everything about his life, he knew he sounded selfish even in his own mind but he couldn't help the way he felt. He felt very irritated by the whole situation and did feel that Anna could be more flexible.

For the first time in a lifetime, the words would not come for Bjorn, everything he wrote could not begin to match up with the amazing music that Benny was writing, the album was not going well and they had binned so many songs because they just weren't good enough. They had never had such slow progress on an album before and he felt the pressure keenly, Abba were on top of the world and he wanted it to stay that way.

He had not noticed the passing of time and was surprised to realise that it had gone midnight and once again he had missed the children going to bed. He felt bad about this and made himself a promise he would make it up to them in the morning.

He drove home not really concentrating on what he was doing, his mind was too full of Abba and what his solution would be to the malaise that had overtaken his soul. He pulled into the drive of their house and was surprised to see most of the lights were on. He parked the car in the garage and went into the house.

He looked around the kitchen in disbelief, taking in the mess, the dirty dishes that were in the sink, the basket of wet laundry that was on the floor, the half eaten food on the table and became worried about what had happened. He strode around the house calling Agnetha, he looked in every room downstairs but could find her nowhere. He took in the untidy living room and knowing that Agnetha would never leave the house like this, his concern and fear intensified. He ran up the stairs taking them two at a time and looked in the children's room, nothing, the bathroom was strewn with wet towels and children's clothes, the bath was still full of water.

He burst into his and Agnetha's bedroom and his heart nearly stopped, there on the bed lay Agnetha with Christian on one side and Linda on the other..they were all fast asleep. He was torn between massive relief that they were fine and anger that Agnetha had worried him so much. He studied them and could see that Agnetha looked exhausted. Linda looked flushed even in sleep and Christian was even now grizzling while still asleep.

Before he could wake Agnetha she stirred, awoken by Christian's distress. She opened her eyes and immediately Bjorn was pinned by those beautiful blue eyes that could burn you alive. She smiled a little and her eyes softened. She turned to tend to Christian and asked if Bjorn could settle Linda in her room before she was woken up. He picked up his small daughter and carried her slumbering form to her room, holding his breath and hoping that she would not stir. He gently laid her down in her bed and covered her carefully. Thankfully, she settled down to sleep again almost immediately.

He sighed deeply and went back to their room, he shrugged off his jacket and turned to see Agnetha soothing Christian. " Hi" said Agnetha "How was your day?" She was treading on eggshells around him and knew it, she did not want to start a fight even though he had promised he would spend the evening with her and the kids. He sat on the end of the bed and sighed."Anna, it was a terrible day, I can't find the words anymore, the music does not fit and we have only one song for the album, then I come home and I can't find you or the kids, the house looks like we've been burgled and you're up here sleeping with the kids in our bed. What in the world has been going on?"

She looked at him and felt the slow burn of anger but tried her best to keep it under control and said " Bjorn, I'm sorry the kids have been poorly this evening. Linda has been sick a lot and Christian won't settle, the only way I could get them to settle was to come in here and then they wouldn't settle if I tried to leave them" She reached out to touch him but he shrugged her hand away, she recoiled like she had been burned, he had never not wanted her touch before in 10 years.

Bjorn, realising what he had done turned to apologise " i'm sorry Anna, I didn't mean for that to happen, I wasn't thinking." He put an arm around her and Christian and they settled back, leaning on the headboard. He kissed the top of her head and watched as Christian finally lost the battle to keep his eyes open. Anna smiled and kissed Bjorn back. She felt safe and happy with Bjorn.

Bjorn let Anna doze for a while while his mind worried about what it was that was making him so unhappy. His life at the moment was certainly not living up to his expectation.