Because She Loved Him

Listen To What The Man Says.

He landed in a bottle of scotch at Lena's, his parents had been summarily unsympathetic and told him in no uncertain terms that they loved him because he was their son but they couldn't condone his actions nor reconcile themselves with the person he'd become. He was shocked to his core when they said never in their wildest dreams had they imagined that his head would be turned by money and fame, that he would abandon his wife and children for a trollop and be splashed all over the press but when he'd tried to explain, the disappointment and anguish in his parents gaze had silenced him. He was not a man used to being in the wrong, not a man that was used to not being loved and respected. His parents poor opinion of their beloved son was unexpected, he'd spent his whole life being loved and could do no wrong first with them and then with Anna, he'd been lucky and complacent. His luck had run out and his realisation that such unconditional love was once in a lifetime was starting to come home to him, for the first time in his life he had no where to go, he had gone home but this time couldn't even bring himself to go in. It haunted him the darkness and the silence and it never let him be. After the reaction of his own parents he didn't dare go to hers, god knows what she'd told them. He couldn't go to the studio, Frida and Benny had gone home and Bjorn wondered far too late what it was they had been planning before he'd said yes to the tour, the studio was as dark and silent as home and the fanciful notion that Anna was the light in his life and his kids were like little satellites crossed his mind as he sat in his car. He wracked his brains where to go but the only person other than Anna he wanted to be with when he was in this state was Benny and he didn't think that Benny would be particularly welcoming at the moment. He swigged out of the bottle of scotch he had with him in the car until he was drunk enough to think that Lena's was the only place he had left, he made his way there, incredibly lucky that he made it in one piece and didn't injure himself or anyone else, it was so unlike his normal careful self that anyone who knew him would have been concerned for his sanity if they'd have known what he was doing, they would know that despite outward appearances his heart and soul were wrecked. He wasn't yet at the acceptance stage of his culpability in this but the consequences were starting to make themselves felt unfortunately those very same consequences were making him angry and defensive, he'd never had to face up to any consequences of his own actions before, not really and he was furious at the way it made him feel. It made him blame everyone else for the predicament he found himself in.
He was furious at Anna for taking off and even more furious that he still didn't have a clue where she was, he didn't have the sense of freedom that he'd imagined, what he had instead was a sense of abandonment and a creeping sense of worry that this indeed wasn't like any other argument they'd had. He dismissed the thought that Benny was right and things had changed forever, that he pushed it too far this time but it stayed in his head nagging away like a toothache.
In an attempt to get rid of the reality starting to take hold in his head he went in to Lena who unlike everyone else was at least pleased to see him, her talent for pressing the right buttons to get the reaction she wanted out of him was well practiced by now and where she saw an ounce of reasonable thinking come through for Bjorn she swooped in with either more scotch or statements that while not true would be guaranteed to keep him in a high state of agitation, it couldn't last though and this was where she made her first mistake, getting him so drunk that unlike last time he passed out on the sofa rather than the bed, she didn't know that he rarely drank and she also didn't know that he really couldn't hold his drink as well as Benny could. It meant that she had no choice but to leave him on the sofa rather than in her bed and this proved later to be her undoing.
Bjorn woke with the silvery light of dawn, a pounding head and a mouth as dry as the desert for the second time in less than a week and he hit the floor unexpectedly when he rolled on the sofa "what the hell?" he muttered dazed. He sat up and recognised Lena's living room and while he was angry at himself for ending up here again, the fact that he had clothes on and wasn't in her bed was definitely an improvement on the last time. He struggled to his feet and made his way to the kitchen for a glass of water making every attempt not to wake her, he could hear heavy snoring and the thought that it certainly wasn't like Anna's ladylike snores when she was really tired, it was more akin to an elephant at full volume made him smile which bought with it a punch to the solar plexus that physically made him fold in half and put his hands on his knees to keep from falling, the actual realization that he'd been hiding from, the fact that he didn't know where Anna was nor the children finally hit home and it hit home hard, the reality of Inger singing with Abba instead of Anna hit nearly as hard, he needed to get the hell out of here and find Benny. He didn't care if Benny hated him at the moment, he needed as much normal as he could get and if that meant him and Benny fighting it out to get there then so be it, he was stone cold sober for the first time in 48 hours, the clarity of mind it now gave him was terrifying and for the first time in his adult life, he was truly scared.
He made it to the studio in record time both to be there when Benny arrived and in the hope that Anna would come early and record today. He found that in spite of their months of fighting  and his irritation with the kids he wanted to see them all very much, the time he'd spent without them had been far too long  and though he wouldn't admit it to anyone else it hadn't bought him the satisfaction that he'd thought it would. Benny got in not a lot later than him and showed no surprise at him being there, beyond a polite good morning nothing was said, everything was outwardly normal Benny had even put a cup of coffee in front of him which Bjorn drank gratefully. "Talk to me Benny" he said quietly "You've been closer to me than my own brother for a decade and more" Benny swiveled his chair around "what is it you want me to say Bjorn?" he enquired just as quietly "I want you to help me understand what's going on here" Bjorn said "we've been through worse than this" "you keep saying that Bjorn but we haven't been through worse than this and you certainly haven't, you wanted things to be different and certainly you cannot argue that they are indeed different" "I know they are, I can feel they are. But I didn't ask for this, I didn't ask for us to fight" "we aren't fighting Bjorn, I'm done fighting with you. I don't care anymore, we are doing what you demanded of us and then after we have fulfilled our obligations to you and Stig Frida and I  will do what we want to do" "and what is that? Bjorn asked quietly "you ask now?" Benny's voice rose a little and he laughed without humour "you won't approve and I don't want you treating Frida like you treated Anna. I know when I have a treasure and I will protect her from you" Bjorn's breath left him in shock "Protect her from me?" he protested "I've never done anything to Frida, I love her like she's my sister. She doesn't need protection from me!" BJorn was appalled at the thought "you have Bjorn, I don't want to discuss this anymore. I don't want to fight with you" he repeated "there is no point, I don't know what's got into you this last year or so." "I just want Abba to be the best it can be" Bjorn protested "and yet you've blown it to pieces, all we asked for was a bit of consideration, a bit of time. We were on top of the world with no one to please but ourselves. We were a democracy not a dictatorship" "We are a democracy" Bjorn protested uncomfortably "No one was taking it seriously" "not taking it seriously?" Benny's temper finally roared to life "fuck you Bjorn, we were killing ourselves! I hate this album, I told you it wasn't worth the damage it was causing but you wouldn't listen. Not taking it seriously?? Anna was still fucking bleeding when she came back to work, she was leaking milk and pumping milk like she was some sort of cow because you didn't want your own kids here! Don't fucking tell me we weren't taking it seriously!" Benny swung back round on his chair like he didn't want to see Bjorn "she wanted the kids" Bjorn growled "yes she did and so did you! Don't change the narrative Bjorn, you wanted those kids as much as she did" Benny fired back "you can lie to yourself and others as much as you like but it wasn't until we hit a block with this album and Stig then Lena got in your head that you got stupid" he shook his head and the disappointment radiating off him in waves stung Bjorn hard "you aren't the man I thought you were Bjorn, the grass is never greener on the other side. I've learnt from my mistakes and I will never let Frida go" "I haven't let anyone go! She's the one who's gone off in a huff! Typical of her, she thinks I'll go running after her" Bjorn spat "No she doesn't, of all the things she thinks that isn't one of them. She's very well aware that you don't want her any more, she's very well aware that you don't want the kids" the bile was rising in Bjorn's throat "I didn't say that" Benny continued just as if Bjorn hadn't spoken "she watched you choose Lena over her and she's suffered days of humiliation from the press" "I don't want to talk about Lena" Bjorn mumbled "no shit" scoffed Benny "let's talk about Lena, she is a cruel heartless woman who wants nothing more than your money. Her campaign for you has been calculated and clever, she has history with this but as far as I can tell she's never managed to cause quite so much damage before. I'd like to say I can't believe you fell for it but your overinflated ego dumped you right in the middle of all that shit. You've lost your mind" "what gives you the fucking right to talk to me like this?" Bjorn yelled "Because this is what you fucking came for Bjorn, you can't fucking stand it that you got it all your own way and still you're not happy! That means it's you at fault and you can't face it alone. I knew you when we had nothing, when I was a drunk and you were in some diddly diddly band. You had it all, everything and still it wasn't enough! Fuck you!" Benny roared "Anna would have walked through hell for you, she is walking through hell for you because you made her own personal hell and there's fuck all I can do about it!"
Bjorn felt dizzy and sick as the full enormity hit him "Frida is in hell because she wants what you threw away without so much as a backwards glance, I wanted us all to be around to get her through this and you've blasted everything to pieces" Benny couldn't hide his agony nor his fury and Bjorn sat down with a bump "what does she want?" he asked again "babies Bjorn, she and I want babies together. We both want a second chance and we are old and struggling, we aren't like you and Anna, just pop them out to the very month you've decided is most convenient for the album" "that's not fair Benny" Bjorn was gentle "we struggled to have the babies" "then why don't you love them??" Benny demanded "you didn't see Christian's first tooth. I did!!! It isn't my right, it was my honor but it should have been you!! It should have been his Papa. You didn't see him roll over, too busy fucking Lena. Anna recorded it all, for you when you came home" Benny growled in frustration "Frida is 33, time is not on our side and now we've lost another year. After this NO MORE Bjorn do you understand me??"
Bjorn's heart broke as he looked up at his best friend "I'm sorry" he whispered and for the first time he really meant it, he wasn't just saying it to get people off his back "no more" he agreed "albums yes, one off gigs yes, small manageable tours. One week only" Benny said "Yes" Bjorn agreed numbly.
In a second first "tell me where she is Benny, I need to find her. I miss her, I miss them" the silence was all encompassing and Benny got up slowly and rummaged tapes out of his locked drawer "Bjorn, I don't know where she is, she won't tell anyone. There's a lot of reasons why she's gone" he put the tapes in to play and gave Bjorn the headphones suddenly looking ten years older "but this is the biggest one of all. Listen to what the man says"