Because She Loved Him

Freefall.

Bjorn fought the peculiar sensation that invaded him, the sensation that told him his world had shifted on its axis, Benny's words came back to haunt him that nothing would ever be the same again but he couldn't have known what would happen, Benny couldn't have known about the papers yesterday hell, he hadn't even known he was going to see Lena so how could they have known?
"Benny, I didn't do this" he protested "do the photographs lie Bjorn? Benny queried mildly "well, no but it wasn't like that" he said "Bjorn, she's been after you for months. Anna was more than aware of it. We tried to warn you and you wouldn't listen, now you have what you want" "Stop SAYING that, how can you think this is what I want? God knows what Anna is thinking!" "You know what Anna is thinking, of all the things you say you don't know you certainly know that " Benny remarked "Anyway, that's up to you" Benny's lack of sympathy stung Bjorn but he didn't know how to express what he wanted to say instead he said " I don't want this Benny, I didn't want this" Benny turned and for the first time since this whole debacle began Bjorn saw the fury in Benny's eyes, it was quickly hidden but Bjorn was in no doubt of what he had seen "You did want this Bjorn, you've been working towards this for months. Your problem is you wanted it all, you wanted it both ways and you don't give a shit for anyone else. Now you have Abba, Lena and all the fame and press coverage you could ever need" Benny turned away "I'm not going to argue with you anymore, we've got meetings at 0900 to get this tour of yours off the ground"

Bjorn was left in an uncomfortable silence, the fact that he knew Benny was furious but keeping it under control was worrying to him, the amount of times that they had argued over the years he thought he could probably count on one hand and the times that they were at opposite ends of the spectrum even less. He forced himself to reread the article, it was damning and while some of it was true, the spin that had been put on it was not, not in his eyes anyway. He took a breath and settled as he realised if they were meeting about the tour then Anna would be here soon and even if she didn't bring the kids he could at least talk to her and make her understand that none of this was how it seemed. He grabbed himself a coffee and went upstairs to the conference room to find that Gorel was already in there putting folders in front of each chair, he was relieved to count 6 places because that was what should be there but just as the thought crossed his mind Gorel set another place making Bjorn wonder who else was coming, he mentally shrugged and grabbed his usual seat making sure that Anna's was ready for her and zoned out while he marshalled his defences and considered every possible way to start the conversation with her, to explain it to her, to make things right.

He was disturbed from his thoughts by people starting to file in, Benny, Frida, Stig, Gorel, Michael and worst of all Lena, who to his horror made a beeline for the seat next to him exactly where Anna should be sitting and before he could say a word she'd sat next to him. He was conscious of a burning mortification and he inched his chair away only to have her inch herself closer once again. He couldn't help the roll of his eyes as he found himself jammed against the end of the table with nowhere to go but as he looked around the table he could see the other studiously ignoring the situation and sorting themselves out with seats and folders. Even Stig's usual abrasive manner was missing, he looked downcast but he sat at the head of the table and prepared to take the meeting as he usually would do "what are you doing here Lena?" he hissed angrily "doing my job" she said loudly "I'm here to take notes of the meeting, besides I knew you'd want me here after the pictures this morning" Bjorn actually felt himself blushing, he was mortified "that wasn't meant to happen! I didn't even know I would come to you!" "Well I did" she trilled and Bjorn winced noticably and stayed silent.
Stig cleared his throat "morning everyone, I'm sure no one is in the mood for hanging about today so I'll get through this as quickly as possible" he shot a glance at Lena then hurriedly put his glasses on "the tour dates and venues are set, you'll see the list in the file. Travel has already been sorted by Gorel, she has worked very hard with no help to get this all sorted " he glared at Lena who had the grace to look away "it'll be a total of a 44 week tour with breaks periodically. Bjorn I know you want this tour, as do I but we will need to go with what Benny and Frida want for breaks. I hadn't realized until yesterday what their stakes were" Bjorn frowned "44 weeks?" "That's what you asked for" Gorel spoke up at which point Frida had something to say "to be honest Stig neither of us wanted this tour, you knew that but still you pushed until there was no option. It's all very well looking sad now but the damage is done. I'd rather just get the tour done. Over and done with, then Benny and I can do what we want. I'm happy to take the breaks within the tour" Benny nodded "me too, I'd rather just work through it, Abba isn't a democracy anymore. You and Bjorn have what you want. We'll do our best and I'm sure we'll enjoy some of it but we did mean it when we said this is the last tour" Benny sat back having said his piece. Bjorn was furious "don't blame this on me!" "Not blaming you Bjorn, just stating a fact" Benny said mildly, he read through the folder "you knew none of us wanted to tour at this level and yet you and Stig signed us up regardless. You have become a man of ego Bjorn, this tour will suit you well" "you can't talk to him like that!" Lena burst out angrily "Abba would be nothing without him" "Ahh" Benny said softly "is that what he tells you? Makes a lot of sense now" he fiddled with his pen while Bjorn burned with embarrassment and guilt "I didn't say that" he argued "oh you did Bjorn, we all heard you" Benny told him "I won't argue with you about it, it isn't worth it"
Bjorn suddenly didn't want to do this tour and certainly not under these circumstances so fell back on the one thing he knew he could rely on "you'll never persuade Anna, she'll never agree to being away from the children for that long. We have very young children you know, we can't leave them for that amount of time" he finished triumphantly.
Stig looked more downhearted than ever "she won't be leaving them Bjorn" "I knew you couldn't persuade her for that long, it'll be two weeks on and two weeks off, like it's always been" "No it won't" Benny said without any expression "contrary to your belief Bjorn, she listened to every single word you said, every single insult you threw at her and she did exactly what you wanted her to do, just like the rest of us" Bjorn took a breath ready to demand an explanation but he was interrupted by a knock at the door "oh for fucks sake" he grumbled "trust her to be late" but he was aware that he felt a swooping sense of relief and he looked up with the first genuine smile for days on his face but it wasn't the blonde he was hoping for and the smile fell off his face like it had never been, his body went into freefall for a second time for no particular reason other than his brain short circuited because seating herself on the other side of Frida was none other than Inger Brundin. "What the hell is this?" he whispered "what the hell is going on?" his voice got louder and despite his best attempts he could hear the shake of panic in it, he could hear the emotion and if he could hear it then so could the others but at that moment he didn't care "why is she here? Where's Anna?" he finally demanded
"This isn't anything to do with Inger so don't take it out on her, she's doing us a favour" Benny said "we don't need any bloody favours" Bjorn snapped "where is Anna?"
Frida spoke up and for the first time Bjorn focused on her properly, he could see that she'd been crying, the bags under her eyes were huge and now he thought about it Benny looked worn out "make sure you get all this in your notes Lena, I wouldn't want you to miss anything" Frida growled and even Lena had the grace to flinch "go on Lena, write! Do your job for once in your sad life, make sure you get every word" she subsided at Benny's touch and Stig cleared his throat "Agnetha will not be joining Abba on the tour, she has bought her way out of the contract"
It was the only decent thing that Stig had done for years, taking the weight of breaking the news from Benny and Frida and Bjorn truly felt the bottom drop out of his world, he broke out in a cold sweat and his heart pounded so hard that he feared it might stop "what??" he yelled "she can't do that!! She hasn't said anything to me about it, she didn't discuss it" "I think you said everything that needed to be said Bjorn" Frida said softly "we were all here, you were brutal with her, she felt that she had no option but to give you what you wanted, to do what was best for you, us, Abba" "This is fucking stupid, where is she? I'll go and talk to her. It's always a fucking drama with her!" he was lashing out wildly "I never fucking said anything to warrant this!" he continued yelling. Benny was kinder to Bjorn than he really deserved because he knew what was driving this outburst guilt, realization, humiliation ,love. Regardless of his recent behavior Benny knew that Bjorn did love Anna really, he'd just got lost, blinded by ego and beset by circumstances "Bjorn, you told her that she couldn't sing any more, you belittled her, humiliated her. You told her she'd be better off with the kids, you told her you didn't want the kids, that you'd never wanted the kids. You told her she was holding you back, holding Abba back. I can't remember it all but you two have been fighting for months on end, she's ill and tired. She makes excuse after excuse for you and your behaviour and what do you do? Eviscerate her and walk out of here holding hands with that" he waved a dismissive hand in Lena's direction "she does what she thinks is best for you and us then she's faced with you and Lena on the front page of every paper in the land. I hope it was worth it" he glared at Bjorn and Stig "I hope it was worth it for both of you"
Benny closed his eyes and leant his chin on his hand "you told her that you would be better off without her" he sighed "I hope to God that you're right"
Bjorn felt like he was in the middle of a nuclear explosion, he could hear nothing but his own heartbeat " I never said that, any of it. She's exaggerating, lying because she doesn't want to tour" he yelled standing up so rapidly his chair tipped over, shaking off Lena's restraining hand "get off me" he spat angrily. Benny remained calm and refused to be provoked into yelling "she did want to tour, in little bits. She wanted to sing with us, she had it all worked out until you told her she and the kids were holding you back" he smiled gently "she's finishing the album and she'll sing when we need her, she's doing what's best for you, for Abba, for all of us. She thinks it's better that we don't all get caught up in the fighting between you both so with her blessing Inger is in, it was Anna's idea so that Abba can fly high, she said she'd cheer us on. That's the best we can expect" Bjorn heard a muffled sob from Frida and heard the tiredness in Benny's voice but couldn't let it go "you're joking of course, she doesn't have that kind of money. Not without me, she's tied into the contract. I won't let her have the money" he was a desperate man "Bjorn, do you even hear yourself?" Benny demanded "is this how you treat her in private? She is talented, beautiful and clever, of course she has the money. It's already been paid, it is done" "she doesn't have the money" Bjorn argued "if she's taken it without permission then I'll make her stay"
He became conscious that Frida was staring at him with wide eyes "she said that's what you'd say and I didn't believe her" she whispered "I never thought you had in you to be so cruel" she wiped her eyes "it was her money from her grandfather and her royalties from her solo work, she was popular back in the day" Bjorn quickly realised how he sounded but somewhere inside him he knew he was fighting for his life "I forgot she had that" he backed down quietly "she was saving it for the kids, I know how good she was, I know how good she is" he corrected "shame you didn't tell her that when she needed to hear it " Benny mumbled "however, that part of this is nothing to do with the rest of us. Let's get on"
Bjorn set right his chair in a daze and sat back down forgetting that Lena was still next to him, she patted his hand and said "well that's one issue out of the way, you get to tour unhindered with no worries about the brats or Anna" "That's enough " Bjorn roared straight in her face "despite my many failings and sins and possibly some things that I can't remember I have NEVER once called my children brats! Never have I and even if I had nothing on this earth gives you the right to call them that." Benny had to smile, finally after months of putting up with Lena's shit it was refreshing to see Bjorn's blinkers ripped off if only for a moment "get out" he roared "this is nothing to do with you!" "On the contrary Bjorn" Stig said "I'd say it has everything to do with her, you've given us more press coverage than we ever could have dreamed of, it's great publicity for the tour"
Just like that Bjorn saw Stig and his true colours and for the first time he wondered if that was what he'd become and Lena's smug look turned his stomach.
"Sit down Bjorn" Benny said calmly "we all want to get this over with, what you do after this meeting is entirely up to you. In all honesty I couldn't be less interested, you've made your choice very clear" his eyes flicked to Lena and then back to the folder, Bjorn opened his mouth to protest but was interrupted by Stig launching straight into the mechanics of the tour and as Bjorn listened he was struck by that fact that Anna had been so easily replaced, yet in his mind suddenly she was irreplaceable and in another first he wondered how he had ever thought she was replaceable, he remembered uncomfortably telling her that anyone could do what she did just a few days ago and he knew he'd told a lie. Inger sounded a bit like Anna but was not in Anna's league. He flicked open his folder for want of something to distract his mind and read through the tour dates, the venues and the accommodation. Looking at it with different eyes he could see how much of a strain it would really be even for him "I'm sorry" he said for the first time "I didn't intend for it to be this much it is too much for us, all of us" "You were all for this Bjorn!" Stig protested angrily "you and Lena persuaded me to do 2 more gigs in Germany!" he paused to take his glasses off "don't make me out to be the only bad guy here"
Bjorn sat there, a man who two days ago had everything but couldn't see it,  a man who through his own arrogance had the people closest to him all scowling at him. At odds with the world he'd created and with the woman who had been by his side through it all vanishing into thin air along with their children even Bjorn knew that his life would never, ever be the same. He was in freefall and he had no clue where he would land.