Fears

Chapter 16-Beatrice

It had been 8 months since she had arrived here.

8 months since she met Finn.

Yet nothing was happening. 

She was still afraid.

Wasn't this place supposed to help her?

Then why wasn't anything changing?

She went through her days like a zombie.

A machine, if you will.

Designed to please the faces around her, she continues on.

She didn't cut herself anymore, but that didn't mean she wasn't afraid of being happy.

No one notices.

No one cares.

Her family had abandoned her.

Her friends.

Kaeden.

Sure there were people here she talked to.

But it wasn't enough.

The only time she felt something even close to happiness was when she was with him.

Finn.

And it terrified her.

She didn't want to be happy.

She was scared she would get in trouble for feeling so.

But she liked his company whether Beatrice knew it or not.

And she wanted to see him again.

She got up from her bed and slipped on some flip flops.

Quietly, she opened the door.

And there stood Finn.

He looked shocked.

And she wanted to sob.

"Finn? What are you doing?"

"I-I needed to see you..."

Beatrice smiled softly, it's all she would allow herself to feel.

She stepped closer, she grabbed his wrist and ran her thumb over his forearm.

She noticed how clean they were.

How perfect.

She was jealous of that.

Finn didn't have to cut himself in order to feel normal like she did.

He wasn't afraid of feeling something like she was.

"C'mon," He said. "I want to show you something."

Beatrice looked up at him and nodded.

He took her hand and started down the hall.

He brought her outside, to the courtyard. They laid down on the grass and watched the stars.

"I'm envious," she started.

Through the corner of her eye, she could see Finn turn on his side and face her.

She continued, "I'm envious of people with unscathed forearms. I'm envious of people who have everything. I'm envious of people who can live their life like it's the best thing ever given to them."

"I'm envious of people who are happy."

"I'm envious of you."

Finn just watched her.

She thought he was judging her.

He wasn't.

He just didn't know what to say.

She let a tear slip down.

And more came.

Furiously, but silently.