Fears

Chapter 13-Milosh

8 months.

8 months he had been partners with Summer.

Summer plopped her bag next to a chair.

She grumbled, "Great."

Great.

Milosh hadn't even said a word to her and she hated him.

Most people did.

He was freaking out, he had many nervous ticks, but biting the skin around his nails was his worst one by far.

And well, right now they were horrible.

Summer saw him in his frightened state, "Bro...chill."

No...people didn't understand.

Milosh couldn't just chill.

He felt as though he was going to be sick, just another reason for people to hate him, right after he threw up in her face.

Breathe, Milosh, breath. They would say to him.

It wouldn't work, he would get freaked out and when he tried it it just made him angrier because the breathing was just pushing the feelings down. Not letting them out and addressing them.

Milosh was tired of feeling just nothing.

Nothing may be numb but it messes with your head. Milosh can't understand or empathize with others now, and he couldn't explain what he was thinking or feeling to his parents.

He knew he felt something but he didn't know how to identify it, let alone explain it.

So he sat there, in his pool of doubt and despair.

Because no one would understand him even if he tried.

Maybe that was the real reason he was so scared of people.

Suddenly, Milosh gagged. he quickly stood up an ran out the door, to the nearest bathroom.

He heard the teacher sigh behind him.

Great, he had made a scene in class right next to his pretty lab partner who already hated him.

He vomited in the toilet and wiped his mouth on some toilet paper. Then flushed it all.

He just wanted to go home.

To his solitude.

Milosh sat on the bathroom floor for a few minutes, trying to grasp his thoughts...and stomach.

He felt...dizzy. And sick. Yet he knew he wasn't 

"Yo...kid," Milosh heard a voice. "Are you ok? Mrs. Bass wanted me to check on you, the period is over..."

"I'm fine," Milosh croaked. He should have been upset that the boy didn't know his name, they had been in school together since Kindergarten, but by now he was used to it. He did know, in fact, just from his voice, that the other teenager's name was Palmer.

When you're as silent as Milosh you get used to being observant.

Or is it just that everyone else is blind?

Milosh couldn't tell.

Milosh unlocked the stall and stepped out to be greeted by the kid, Palmer.

Palmer held out his stuff for him and smiled.

Palmer was always kind to everyone, sure, but he had his own click. And Milosh wasn't a part of it.

"Thanks..."

"No problem, do you want me to walk you down to the office?"

"No, it's okay. I'll manage. Besides, you have class to get to..." Some people may see this as simple consideration, but inside of Milosh's head, all he was thinking about was how much he would hate himself if this kid got in trouble just for helping him.

A life that was so weak and insignificant.

Palmer gave him a curt nod and they walked out of the bathroom together. Milosh went to his locker and grabbed his things before heading down to the office nurse.

His mom picked him up and drove him home.

Milosh hated himself for running out in the middle of class, not only was it embarrassing, but it was in front of Summer. 

Not only was she funny and upbeat and outgoing, but she was smart too. They had both made it into 1 Biology AP Honors. Which was a hard class for Seniors to get into, let alone Freshmen. There were only three of them in the class. Him, Summer, and Palmer.

Milosh liked  her.

And he had just ruined everything.