Love Can Be Confusing

Misfortune and loss

I look up at the stars as I lay on the boardwalk, the cool wind coats my skin and I finally feel relaxed. The stars are bright and beautiful, the way life is supposed to be.
"Oh look what we have here."
I sit up and see him, Jax.... I sigh rolling my eyes.
"Aren't you supposed to be tutoring someone?"
"Jax fuck off okay?"
"Whoaaaa some very vulgar vocabulary coming from the sweet nerd!"
He says making his friend's laugh, I stand up and walk up to them.
"And you would only know what Vulgar meant because of me. Because I'm the one that tutored you're dumbass last year."
"Dude she tutored you! Awe man!"
His friends all laugh and I smirk, he chuckles.
"Yeah, imagine me stuck with this boring wretched bitch for 2 hours a day. I had to hold myself back from killing myself."
His friends laugh,
"Wow, Wretched another big word for the dumb jock! I think he deserves a round of applause guys!"
I clap and they all join me, Jax gives me evil eyes and gets in my face.
"You better shut up you dumb little bitch!"
"Or what? Your going to beat me up? Please, that's something I'm used to."
His face smooths over and I kick myself mentally.
"What?" He whispers to me looking concerned, I roll my eyes and turn away.
"Its nothing just forget it."
I walk away and go to the end of the pier, I hear them walk away. Fuck you Jax and fuck your stupid little minions that have no brain of their own.
The night seems endless as i hear laughter from the carnival rides and games. I grab my bag and pull out my bottle of whiskey, I take a big swig from it letting the liquor soak into my skin. I hope this helps the beating I'm going to walk into when I get home, I look at the time. 10pm I'm hoping he is drunk and passed out, my dad has a temper he cant control and he let's his temper flow through his hands and they tend to aim at my body.
Shock fills my body as I feel someone sit next to me, i look to see its Jax.
"Look dude i really don't have the energy for the bantering."
"I'm not here to fight, from what it sounds like you fight a lot with someone already."
I look at him feeling my heart breaking, a tear slides down my cheek.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No... I just want to sit here look at the dark deep ocean I wish I had the balls to jump into to drown myself and drink my whiskey."
"Do you want me to leave?"
I look into the ocean, his hand on my knee sending shivers down my leg, his warmth makes me feel weird.
"No." Was all I could muster knowing tomorrow will be different, knowing tomorrow he will be the same ol asshole jock that he is naturally.
I feel my phone vibrating like crazy and tears stream down my face knowing it's my dad.
"Hey, do you need somewhere to stay? I have a pool house you can stay at."
I look at him.
"Just don't tell anyone."
There it was the asshole part, I sigh.
"I'll let you know." He nods and takes a swig of my whiskey bottle.
"Who keeps calling? Your boyfriend?"
I chuckle and nod,
"Yeah, he goes to a different school."
"Oh, yall get into a fight?"
"A never ending fight I guess you can call it."
"Sounds toxic."
I nod and laugh, he really believes I have a boyfriend, if I had a boyfriend my dad would literally kill me. I am to remain pure forever, if he even saw me here with Jax he would beat us both to a pulp.
"Do you want to sleep at the pool house tonight?"
A tear slides down my cheek and I nod,
"Yeah." He stands up and offers me his hand, I take it and we walk, his friends walk up to us.
"What you doing with the nerdy bitch?"
"I'm taking her home. She is stranded."
"Let the cunt walk."
I smirk and look at Jax,
"You know what, it's cool. I'm just going to walk home."
I start to walk away but he grabs my hand,
"I'll take you. I'll see yall guys later."
"Hey let me know if she's good in bed huh?"
"Shut the fuck up dumbass." I pull my hand away and he walks me to his car, we sit in silence as we get to his house. He shows me the pool house that is bigger than my entire house, we have money we aren't  poor my mom died before we could upgrade, he shows me the bedroom.
"There is fresh towels in that cabinet if you need to shower and I'll bring you some clothes."
"Uh, yeah, I smell like the ocean."
He makes the space between us smaller and smells my neck.
"Your right you do smell like fish." I punch his chest causing him to chuckle.
"I'll be back."
I nod and take a hot shower with the fancy expensive soaps and feel a sort of relief wash over me knowing I wont get a beating tonight. I wrap a towel around me and right as I walk out he walks in the bedroom with clothes.
"I... umm... I brought basketball shorts and a t-shirt."
I grab them from him and put them on the bed, he turns as I get dressed.
"I'm done." He turns around and he smirks, why?
"Okay, so I'll bring you breakfast in the morning, then you can head to school."
Yeah, best not to be seen together right. I nod and he walks out slowly.
"Jax....."
He turns around.
"Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
He walks out and I jump in the warm cozy bed, I feel safe here. I haven't felt save in so long, ever since my mom died my dad has been abusive and angry all the time. I miss the good dad I used to have but he is dead and gone and has been replaced with someone that looks like him but, isn't him.
A tear slides down my cheek as flashbacks of him and I practicing my swings in softball. He was such a good man back then, the monster that has taken him from me eats away at those good memories and makes me fall into a depression every time. Sobs break in my chest and I cry loudly knowing no one can hear and no one cares.
My crying takes a lot out of me and I fall asleep quickly.
.
.
.
I wake up to Jax setting breakfast on the bed, I sit up and rub my eyes, he sits next to me.
"Ahmina, were you crying?"
"What? No... w-why would you ask that?"
"Your eyes are blood shot red and you have dried tears on your cheeks." He goes to touch my cheek but I move away, I can't let him get close to me for my sake. He sighs and gets up,
"I'm going to get ready for school, you can wear that if you want to school...."
He walks out leaving me alone, I eat quickly and leave, I walk to school alone. I hear a honk and turn, my dad... he gets out and slaps me hard
"Where the fuck where you! You fucking slut! Who's clothes are those?!"
Tears prick my eyes as he shakes me and punches me, blood fills my mouth, I spit it on the ground.
"Where the fuck are your clothes?!"
"Dad stop please! They are at a friends house!"
"You don't have any friends you fucking whore!"
He punches me in the stomach knocking the wind out of me as I fall to my knees. His fingers in my hair as he starts to drag me to his truck, I kick and scream trying to get away.
"Dad stop please!!!!! Let me go!!!"
   If he gets me in that truck I know he will kill me today!
"Hey!" I hear a familiar voice and see one of Jax's friends rushing towards us.
"Mind your damn business kid!"
"Let her go!"
"Get the fuck out of here kid or I swear I'll kill you!"
My dad let's go of me and gets in Ty's face, Ty pushes him and they start swinging at each other. Ty starts to win which makes my dad back off.
"Is this the guy you stayed with you fucking whore?!"
"Dad stop!"
I yell out the best I can,
"This is your dad?! What a pathetic excuse of a man!"
My dad kicks me in the stomach causing me to curl up in pain, sobs break in my chest as I hear my dad peel out.
Ty helps me up swinging my arm over his shoulder.
"My side...."
"We got to get you to the hospital now."
"No Ty P-please I know you hate me or whatever but please no hospitals please!"
He sits me in his car and buckles me in, he speeds off and I look out of the window as we stop and see Jax locking the door to his house. He looks at Ty as he gets out and rushes to get me out. Jax runs up to us dropping his backpack helping me inside his house.
They get a first aid kit and start to clean me up.
"What the fuck happened?!"
"I don't know dude! Her dad was mental! He was beating the shit out of her I couldn't just let him do that!"
"Her dad?"
Jax lifts my chin with worried eyes,
"Your boyfriend...."
I shrug my shoulders as tears continue to fall down my face.
"How long has this been going on?"
He asks as Ty gets me some pain medication.
"Since my mom died."
"3 years?!" Ty says freaking,
"Why didn't you say anything?!"
Jax asks,
"Oh yeah like I'm just going to say, hey my dad beats me up everyday but never the face so it wont raise suspicion, while yall are bullying me?"
Ty and Jax look at each other and shake their heads,
"You are not going back there ever again."
Jax and Ty say as they bandage me up, I hiss at the pain on my side, Jax lifts my shirt a bit.
"Your ribs might be broken."
"No they're not, if they were I wouldn't be able to breath like last time."
"Last time?"
I look at Jax as anger fills him I nod,
"This past summer."
Jax stands up and grabs a glass and throws it at a wall causing it to shatter. I jump at the noise,
"Jax your scaring her!"
He looks at me and picks me up taking me upstairs Ty following.
"You are not going back. I don't care what we have to do we will figure it out."
"Why do you care? Yall all hate me, make me feel like shit every day."
"I'm sorry! Okay I'm sorry!" Hey yells out making me flinch as he holds me bridal style. He tucks me in his bed Ty hands me some pills i take them quickly.
"You stay here, give me your address we are going to pick up your stuff right now."
I write it down,
"He wont be home but, if he is just get me the picture on my night stand please. And bring your friends with you."
He nods and they take off, I close my eyes and exhaustion makes me black out....or was it the pills?
I wake to whispers all around me, my eyes fuzzy I blink a few times and see all of Jax's minions looking at me concerned.
I try to sit up but, I cant, pain fills my body and i hiss through my teeth, Ty wraps his arm around my waist gently and sits me up. Why is he being super nice to me like a gentleman? Is this pity? If it is I like it. I smile in my head,
"What's going on?"
They look down and terror fills me quickly,
"Guys what happened?!"
Ty sits next to me and grabs my hand gently,
"We um, we went to your house... There was loud music playing, it was a song called "The Night We Meant."
"That's my mom and dads song they would play when they would argue...."
Ty looks at the guys and then back at me,
"We found your dad at home."
"Did he hurt yall?"
"No, no he um.... Ahmina he was on the couch holding a picture of you and your mom and him.... Ahmina, he was, dead."
A pressure presses on my chest as I choke on a sob, tears falling down my face none stop.
"I don't understand, why?!"
Ty pulls me I to his arms gently holding me.
"He left you a note."
Jax says, he sits on the other side of me,
"Read it."
I say, he nods and opens it.
"Dear Mina,
If you are reading this that means I'm dead, if you are reading this I want to let you know I regret hurting you, I regret ever putting my hands on you and not being the father you needed after your mother, my wife died. I let the depression and darkness take control of me and I took the loss out on you and I'm sorry for that. I should have been there for you knowing you were hurting as well. I'm sorry I turned into a horrible monster, I just hope you know that I love you, I've always loved you and I will continue to love you wherever I end up. I didn't deserve a daughter as amazing as you, and I don't deserve your forgiveness but just know that you and your mom were my everything and it was at that moment in the streets when that kid pulled me off of you that I knew I had to end my life to end your suffering. I didn't want to hurt you anymore so I knew what I had to do. I signed over my rights to you yesterday so you are now emancipated. You are free do to and be wherever you want to be. I saw the way that kid looked at you, he cares weather he will admit it or not. I hope you wont be alone, and will be surrounded by people that care for you. And please babygirl, be happy now. Be free. Live, love, laugh, enjoy life to the fullest because you'll never know when it gets taken away from you.
With everything in me I wish I could have been what you needed but i failed.
Please, only remember the good times of you and me because that's what I was think of moments before death will take me.
I love you babygirl, forever your dad."
Sobs break in my body, I put a pillow to my face and scream in it, I can hear sniffling, the guys are crying too.
"What am I'm going to do?"
I look up trying to catch my breath.
"Everything is going to be okay Ahmina, please just breath."
Jax says pulling me into his arms holding me tight.
"I have no one, I'm alone."
"You aren't alone, you have us."
I look at Ty and the guys and they nod,
"I have yall? They guys that bullied me none stop...."
They look down,
"Listen Ahmina, we are sorry..... We just, we were stupid."
Eric says wiping tears away, these guys are crazy. They think I'll just forget everything they put me through?
"Did you get the picture?"
"Yes, it was the only thing the cops let us take because they are investigating the scene."
Ty hands it to me, tears sliding down my face as I look at how happy we were.
"Do you want us to leave you alone?"
I nod, feeling hopeless, they all look at me for a second,
"GET THE FUCK OUT!"
I yell out tired of seeing their faces! I hate them, they bullied me endlessly and now they want to be my friend?!
"Listen, Ahmina, I'm sorry, we are ALL sorry."
"Save your apologies at the door because I cant hear it right now."
I watch as they leave the room, I get up the best I can and shower, letting the water wash away my tears. My eyes hurt so much from all of the crying, my head feels like it's going to explode from all of the crying and my body hurts from the last beating I'll ever endure from my dad.
I hear a knock on the door, it opens.
"Its Jax, I uh left some clothes on the dresser and I put new sheets and blankets on the bed for you. We are um going to be downstairs if you feel like coming out. We are here for you Ahmina."
I stay quiet as the door closes, sobs break in my chest as I turn the water off. I just want to die already.
As i get dressed in the basketball shorts and t shirt I sigh and look in the mirror. My cheek is turning purple my eyes, blood shot red, my body aching from the beating. Huge bruises on my stomach and ribs, I look like I was just hit by a bus.
"Hey."
Ty walks in, tears fall down, he rushes over to me holding me tightly, my tears drenching his shirt.
"Hey, you are going to get through this."
"Ty, how did he do it?"
He looks at me clenching his eyes,
"He swallowed a bunch of pills."
"I uh, I need something for pain, do you have anything?"
He nods and pulls out a pill for me, I go to the bathroom for water letting the pill slide down my throat.
"Come down stairs."
"I'm not ready."
He nods leaving the room, I lay in the bed alone and exhausted from everything.
Memories of all the good times I has with my mom and dad flood my mind, my heart and soul aching. I just want to feel completely numb, I want to not feel a thing.
I get up and head downstairs slowly with my sore body and find the guys in the pool. The sun stinging my eyes for I have not seen day light since my beating.
"Hey, your up!"
Jax says rushing towards me, I try to smirk a little but my face hurts still.
"Do you want something to drink? Soda, water juice?"
I clear my throat,
"Whiskey please."
"I don't have any."
I sigh, Jax frowns.
"Oh, I have tequila and vodka, a lot of both from the last party I threw."
"That'll do, please."