Love Can Be Confusing

Alone

The sun is out finally out and honestly I wish it wasn't, I hate when its bright and shiny. I like the morbid weather, the rain, the grey, the clouds. Cristina looks at me as I look out of the window.
"Why do you were black all the time?"
I look at her and shrug,
"I don't know, I guess I like the way it looks on me."
"Your changing right now."
"What?"
She yanks me to her huge walk in closet and throws a tight fitted knee length high waisted purple skirt on me and a purple tube top. She applies purple eyes shadow to my black eyeshadow and smiles.
"Girl, you look hot!"
I look in the mirror, my black hair is straightened purplish pink matte lipstick. I look at her and she smiles,
"Will you be my secret girlfriend?"
I look at her and nod,
"It'd be my honor."
Her lips land on mine and make me feel lightheaded, I walk out to the car and she pulls me into her again.
"You look beautiful."
"Thanks to you."
Her fingers twirling my hair,
"I'll see you later babe."
She pecks my lips and walks back into the house, ugh she is so cute and sexy, I'm happy Danny is okay with us being the way we are. I don't think I'd ever not want to be that way with her.
Pulling up to the parking lot makes my stomach aches a little seeing Jax with a girl hanging on his arm but that feeling quickly vanishes when i lay eyes on Danny. He does that sexy smirk as he sees me get out, my body reacts instantly and I just want him all over again.
I walk straight to him and pull his face to mine, kissing him deeply in front of everyone. I'm done second guessing myself, I want Danny and I need Danny and he needs and wants me all the same.
"You cant just go around kissing me like that baby. You make want to attack you."
He says huskily looking into my eyes, I bite my lip feeling my core burning up.
"Can I come over after school?"
"Yeah."
"Will your mom be home?"
"No she doesn't get here till tomorrow, why?"
"Just asking."
I wink at him and start to walks away but he wraps his arms around my waist kissing my neck.
"You look so gorgeous today."
My heart warms up quickly, his fucking sexy smirk makes me want to attack him.
"Hey guys, yall look ready good together." Jax says walking up with his new girlfriend.
"Hi I'm Jenny."
"Hi Jenny, I'm Ahmina."
She hugs me making me feel uncomfortable, Danny grabs my hand lacing our fingers. Danny nudges me to walk with,
"That was awkward."
Danny says opening the door for me, I smile as I nod, Quinn sees and I see him. He looks like he's been crying.
"Quinn what happened?"
"I came out to my dad and he... kicked me out. Telling me he couldn't have a "faggot" in his house. I did it for Cin and it felt really good but, now I'm homeless."
"You are NOT homeless you can live with me and my mom. She loves you, you know that."
Quinn nods, Danny pulls him into his arms hugging him tightly.
"Fucking fags." Some guys says walking by, Danny turns around quickly.
"What the fuck did you say?!"
The guy gets scared instantly as Danny shoves him, Quinn pulls Danny back.
"No, you know what. I'm tired of lying, I'm tired if being scared of what pricks like this would think!"
Everyone looks at Quinn,
"Everyone IM FUCKING GAY! IM OUT OF THE FUCKING CLOSET!"
Alot of people clap and cheer, some are severely shocked, Quinn has tears in his eyes as the guys go up and do a group hug. Quinn looks so happy and free, Cin is going to be so happy too.
"Party at my house on Friday!"
Danny yells out loudly, nervousness finds me as I see an openly gay guy walks up to Quinn.
"So now that your out, maybe we can go on a date."
"I'm actually in a relationship... I came out for my boyfriend."
"That's probably the most romantic thing I've ever heard."
The guy walks away and he looks at me smiling.
"So have you told Cin?"
"Yeah."
The bell rings, Danny walks me to class, Quinn is the talk of the school and I'm not anymore. Finally I'm not the one on the school news on Facebook. I can have a normal teenage li-"
"Ahmina, you look delicious."
My heart drops, my eyes on Maverick, I pull him into a empty class room.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!"
"This is my new school."
"Maverick, seriously why are you doing this?!"
"Because you cant just take it all back! We have something special and no matter how much you don't want to admit it we both know you never belonged at the school. With all these rich pricks, your mom had money, your dad was a lowlife life sucking leach that abused you. Your mom grew up on my side of town you know that's where you belong!"
"No it is not! Our moms were bestfriends, you and I got close that is it! And whatever you thought we had between us is over. We kissed like 3 times, get over it okay!"
I try to walk away but he grabs my arm,
"You will always be mine, don't forget I know what you did."
"What I did?! You mean what i did saving your life! I go down, you go down!"
I run out quickly my stomach turning in knots, I run outside and puke my guts out. Flashes of blood cross my vision, my heart is racing so fast, I feel dizzy. Fuck...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
My eyes flutter open waking up in a hospital, I see Danny and the guys all starring at me.
"What happened?"
I ask confused,
"A student found you passed out in the grass. They came to get me and we called an ambulance, the doctor wont tell us what's wrong."
Jax says holding my other hand, Danny holding the other, Danny kisses my forehead. Tears in his eyes,
"I was so worried about you but, there is a question I do have to ask."
"What?"
"Could you possibly be pregnant?"
I sit up quickly,
"What? No Danny I told yall I'm a virgin."
"She is definitely not pregnant, we ran some test and it seems you are really stressed out. You need to stop stressing, its killing your body. Also I'd like to know why you have so many untreated poorly healed bones."
A tear slides down my cheek,
"I-i was abused my father.... I didn't even know if I still had insurance."
"Well, where is your father now?"
"Dead, I've been emancipated."
"Okay, well that saves me a call from Child protective services but, your mothers lawyer has been trying to find you."
"Jacob?"
"Hi hun, well you know I don't beat around the bush so here it is."
We all look at Jacob who is smiling so big right now.
"Your parents had a living will, they had insurance policies on themselves and well. You're rich now, your bank account has been set up for a while, your dad the fucking asshole that he is didn't tell you that you have a million dollars from your mom policy. And you dad lived out another year, that gave you 2 million more! All you have to do is sign these papers."
My heart is beating in my ears and my heart rate is picking up, tears falling down my face.
"Okay! How about you give her the papers and she will give them to you later. We need to put you on some oxygen."
The doctor pushes through seeing that I'm about to have a panic attack.
"Nurse, I need a sedative."
"A what?" Danny's asks for me seeing I'm freaking out
"She needs rest, it will put her to sleep."
I pull the mask off,
"He kept the money from me to keep me there with him! He told me we were broke and had to suffer a little till he found a job! He kept me there to beat me!" Sobs break in my chest, Danny pulls me into his arms as I break down. I feel a prick in my arm and my eyes get heavy, Danny's fingers run through my hair as I sign the papers before I pass out.
.
.
.
I wake up in the hospital still, Cristina holding my hand passed out next to me. Danny sitting in a chair next to me, I sit up waking them both up.
Cristina pops up and looks at me,
"Omg babe I was so worried about you! I swear I punched Eric in the face for not telling me sooner!"
I smile at her, her lips land on mine gently.
"I missed you."
Danny gets up and kisses my lips gently,
"We both missed you." Danny's says,
"Danny and I got into a little fight over you while you were sleeping. I told him he is going to have to share you a little and he eventually gave up."
Cristina says smiling punching Danny's shoulder,
"A woman is always right."
"Ah your up! Well your body did need some rest, you should be ready to go home. We will do vitals right now then send you off, I've wrote you a prescription for your Anxiety. Take it as needed."
I nod, the nurses do my vitals and let me leave,
"Will you stay the night with me?"
Danny asks,
"I'd love too."
Cristina kisses my forehead,
"I'll see you later babe."
She gets in her car an drives off, when we get to Danny's house his mom rushes over to me quickly pulling me into a hug.
"I missed you sweet girl."
"I missed you too. It feels so good to be in a mother's embrace."
She giggles and kisses my forehead,
"So what's the verdict? You having my sons baby or what?"
"Mom, oh my god. She's not pregnant."
"Oh, well at least you know I wouldn't be mad about it."
"Okay, thank you for making it awkward come on baby let go to my room."
Danny yanks me away to his room, I giggle as he plants his lips on mine and lays me on the bed.
"You really missed me huh?"
"Mmmhmm very much my love."
"How much do you love me?"
"I love you so much I cant even explain how much."
He says trailing kisses down my stomach, I giggle as his lips tickle my skin.
Visions of the old comes back and I get nauseous again, I push Danny off and run to the restroom. Danny's hand on my back rubbing gently,
"Hey what's stressing you out so much that it makes you sick?"
I close my eyes debating if I should tell him or not, tears streaming down my face.
"I don't know. I just need to calm down with getting sexually excited for a bit."
He smirks that sexy smirk helping me up, I gargle some mouth wash, Danny pulls me to the bed holding me tightly.
My phone vibrates,
"What do you want?!"
Danny sits up hearing how aggressive I sound,
"I just heard what happened, I forgot what happens when you get super stressed, I just wanted to apologize. I wont say about what happened, I'm sorry I brought it up."
"Leave me alone Maverick."
I feel nauseous again and run to the restroom, Danny repeats rubbing my back.
"What happened with Maverick?"
I look up at Danny with tears in my eyes,
"He is the one causing you stress, what the hell is going on?"
I shake my head scared to say,
"Baby, you can tell me anything, I wont judge you."
I wash out my mouth again and hold on to the counter, my heart racing like crazy.
"Danny I did something really bad. Really, really bad."
"What did you do?"
"I killed a man."
Danny's face full of horror,
"Y-you did what?"
"I killed someone that was going to kill Maverick... he was holding a gun to Mavericks head, it was a drug deal gone wrong. I had sneaked up behind him and stabbed him, there was blood everywhere because I hit an artery. Maverick brought it up and now I cant stop thinking about it."
Sobs break in my chest, Danny holds me tightly.
"You saved Mavericks life Ahmina, don't feel bad."
"I feel bad for his family, he had two kids and a wife. The wife killed herself and the kids are in the grandmother's care."
Danny sighs looking flustered,
"Look, he was going to kill your friend, he got what was going to come to him either way. Drug dealers on that side of town never live long lives."
"I feel so bad Danny, I ruined a family."
"He ruined it the day he decided to sell drugs."
I feel dizzy again,
"I feel dizzy."
Danny picks me up sitting me on the bed, his thumbs wiping away my tears.
"Stop stressing about it baby, everything is going to be okay."
I nod feeling a tad bit better,
"Danny, do you see me any different?"
"No, your still my girl. I still love you."
All my sickness goes away, but I have a feeling now that the secret is out even just to Danny.....it'll catch me and eat me alive.
"How are you feeling?"
"Oddly better, scared... Maverick is a ticking time bomb. He wants me so bad I think he will do anything to get me back."
"You and Maverick were a thing?"
"No. It was over before it began.... I got sucked into the high of stealing, dealing, robbing places. That night it happened he was going to rob the drug dealer but the drug dealer had a gun... and I had the knife.... after I did what I did I realized that if I keep on going with this I'll end up like that guy. Dead in the streets, like Maverick could have been if I would have not been there... I decided to stop going over there, to act as if I've never been there. That side of town brought out a part of me that I don't think I could handle. That same night after I left I found my dad passed out on the couch with a bottle of tequila and I held the knife against his neck. He couldn't even feel the cold blade, I could have ended my suffering but I couldn't have two dead people on my hands. I went to bed and in the morning I saw I nicked him, I felt sick and ran to school. Maverick bad called me none stop for 3 months but I just avoided him. I don't know how to explain the person I was when we were together, I was just a dark shell."
"You don't understand how strong you are."
I smirk, I love how he feels so approving of me, we sit up hearing knocks on his door.
"Hey Danny, just wanted to let you know I'm uh... home?"
Danny opens the door to Quinn and pulls him into a hug,
"Yes, home. You are home."
"Cin wants to come over, do you think your mo-"
"Stupid question Quinn."
We hear knocks on the door.
"Cin! Welcome in! Quinn is upstairs and I want to congratulate you and Quinn on this miraculous outcome!"
We watch them from the stairs, Cin smiles and hugs her tightly before heading up stairs.
"I cant believe this happened Quinn, I thought you were exaggerating about your dad. If I knew I would have never made you tell him."
"Don't be sorry, I'm out now, I don't have to hide and everyone still loves me besides my dad. And I love you, I did this for us."
"I love you Quinn McDaniel."
"And I love you Cin Myti."
Danny and I watch them kiss, I look at Danny and we smile.
"In honor your your coming out, Cin we have decided to host a house party. Everyone will know yall are a couple, no more hiding."
"Thank you Danny, for everything."
Cin says pulling Danny into a hug,
"How about a double date tomorrow?"
"Oh no, we have a football game. You can cheer me on if you want too."
"Your ready for that?"
Cin asks nervously,
"Not only did I come out to my dad I came out to the school."
"I want you to meet my friends Quinn, everyone has been bugging about my fake boyfriend and now they can finally meet you."
Danny and I leave them alone to talk and go cuddle up in each others arms, my body feeling so relaxed. This feels so right, I'm worried if I get happy again that it'll end. Every time I seem to be happy something goes wrong, completely and utterly wrong.....
.
.
.
It's the big game day, Cin and I are on the side line cheering our boyfriends on, I look out in the stands and see Cristina looking sad. What's wrong with her?
Danny makes the pass and Quinn catches the ball running to the end of the field dodging people left and right. He makes the final touchdown and we win!
Everyone goes to cheer with Quinn but he walks away from everyone and runs up to Cin and kisses him deeply. Everyone goes silent as they make their mark on the school, my heart glowing as people start to cheer for Quinn. Confetti is everywhere, they won the state championship and Quinn got his guy, fully. Danny runs up behind me and swings me in a circle, I giggle as he turns me around and kisses me deeply.
I watch as Danny puts me down, Eric grabs Cristina's hand and yanks her to the other end of the field.
I see them arguing and she keeps grabbing her stomach, oh my god.... she pregnant!
Eric falls to his knees and wraps his arms around he waist with tears in his eyes. He looks up at her and I see him say,
"I love you."
She smiles and he gets up kissing her with so much love! They both have happy tears falling down their cheeks, I look around and see Jax was starring at Danny and I. Our eyes meet and he smirks and nods, I smirk and nod back. He looks content but, I don't see his new girlfriend anywhere..... did they break up? Already?
"Hey is Jax okay?"
I ask Danny as Jax walks to the locker room,
"Um well.... yeah he is tough and whatever.... he broke up with that girl already. They bad a huge fight and well..... it was about you. He is still like invested in you but, he agreed not to meddle with our relationship."
"Oh, okay... well that's good for us but, I hope he is okay though. It sucks being alone like that."
"He will be fine. Come now, there is going to be a huge party at Eric's house. Cristina wasn't to happy about that but, it looks like they worked it out."
I keep the secret to myself the guy obviously don't get why she didn't want Eric to have the celebration party. I nod and wait for Danny at his car, my heart jumps as Maverick come from the shadows and walks toward me. Not this again.... my stomach tightens and I feel nauseous...
"What do you want Maverick?"
"I just wanted to apologize in person. What I did was shitty and I'll leave you alone from now on. You are obviously happy where you are and that's all I want for you. Just know when they all drop you.... I'll be here waiting for you."
I nod and he walks away back into the shadows, Danny runs to the car and we speed off to the party. Eric's house is pretty epic, the party is a wild,
Music blasting and lights flashing, boose and drugs flowing through everyone. I smile and make Danny and I a drink before we go and dance, I run my fingers through Danny's hair and look into his honey brown eyes.
"Danny, I love you."
He does that sexy smirk,
"I love you more."
"Not possible."
"Anything is possible when I'm with you."
My heart melts but the moment is quickly gone as Eric grabs a mic silencing the whole party.
"He is not..."
I look at Cristina and she smiles,
"Everyone my girlfriend and I have an announcement to make! We are having a baby!"
The house stays silent so I step in and start to cheer and clap and everyone one of the sheep's follow along.
"Let's get fucked up!"
Eric yells and the music start back up, I look at Danny and his face looks priceless.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Uh, yeah, yeah I'm good. Just crazy news, they are so young and he is actually happy about it."
"You wouldn't be happy if I would have been pregnant that day I was in the hospital?"
"This seems like a trap."
He says looking away from me,
"So are you going to answer?"
"Nope." He walks away making me more upset, I pull him back to me and he sighs.
"I wouldn't be happy at first, I'd probably be happy as time went on and I watched our love grow inside you but no, I wouldn't have been happy at first. Only if it were mine "
"Oh, okay... not a bad answer." I smile and walk away to go and see how the rest of the guys are doing. Quinn and Cin are smoking a blunt, Eric and Cristina are going upstairs...... Ty is sitting by the pool and Jax..... Jax is pulling me into the pool house.
"Hey, what's going on?" Ask concerned, he falls to his knees and start to sob.
"Jax, what the hell is going on?"
He looks up at me
"I want you. I love you, everyone fucking knows it. I'm miserable seeing you and Danny together I was stupid to let you go....."
"Jax stop please, don't do this.... you know I care so deeply about you. This isn't fair to me."
He stands up and holds my face gently,
"I cant be without you."
"Your not Jax I'm right here, please just be my friend. That has to be enough please."
"Its not and it never will be.... are you happy with Danny?"
"Yes, I am in very happy with Danny.... he makes me feel like I'm normal but amazing.... he loves me so much."
Jax stand and holds my hands tightly,
"Do you love him?"
I look into Jax eyes and nod slowly,
"Yeah... I do."
He nods and wipes his tears, his lips kiss my forehead,
"I'll have to settle with you being happy.... just know I'm here if you ever need me."
I nod and watch him leave, I take a deep breath, my body jumps as i get startled by Danny.
"Danny... were you there the whole time?"
"Guilty."
I shake my head and pull him into a hug.
"I was scared I was going to hear something bad but, I was very impressed."
"You thought I was going to fall into his arms and profess my love for him, didn't you?"
"I was worried."
I smile shaking my head,
"I love you Danny, so don't fuck up okay?"

"I promise I wont."
"Good boy."
The party starts to die out around 4am, Danny and I are heading out to his car so he can take me home. We watch Jax get into his vehicle looking drunk.
"Danny we cant let him drive like that."
He nods and goes to Danny and gets in the drivers seat, I follow them to Jax house. We walk him into the house and lay him down, his breathing is heavy, really heavy.
"Should we stay here a while to make sure he is okay?"
Danny asks, I sigh and nod.
"You don't want to stay?"
"Last time I was in this room I was beat up by my dad and he kicked himself."
"Okay, take my car home and I'll stay here."
"Um, okay."
I grab his keys and storm off, look who's choosing one over the other now? I may seem like I'm being over dramatic but if it were the other way around it would have been a shit show. I speed off before Danny can stop me and race home, when I get there the house is empty.
I guess Cristina slept at Eric's house, I sigh and lay down in my bed feeling lonely. I smirk and remember Stephen king's quote about being alone...
"Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym."
I felt alone most of my life and now I feel alone again, will I ever feel whole or will there always be this empty void in my heart?
Darkness finds me and I can rest.