Love Can Be Confusing

New Addiction and withdrawal

I've been ignoring all of the guys since this morning when Danny and Jax had a stare down. It was awkward and I have no one to blame but, myself. My phone vibrates and I see is Maverick and my stupid ass gets so happy and my smile is so big I wanna slap myself!
"Princesa, I miss you. You still coming over today?"
I bite my lip thinking about him, stop!
"Yeah, I'll be there."
"What? You don't miss me too?"
I shake my head smiling, it's TRUE I do but I cant tell him that.
"No, should i?"
"You don't gotta lie princesa."
"Whatever I'll see you later."
I smile to myself and they notice hence we are eating lunch and they are all with me so they know it's not them I'm texting.
"Who is that?"
"Um, some guy I met at the pier the other night...."
Ty shakes his head smiling.
"Guy? New guy? Who?"
Quinn asks, I smirk and bite my lip,
"He is just a guy, guys. Nothing serious."
"This guy is making you glow."
Quinn says making me feel Bubbly inside.
"He must have had you already and he must have been better than us."
Jax says with venom in his words, I clench my eyes tight as Quinn makes an 'OMG' face.
"You lost your virginity?! To who!?"
Danny slams his hand on the table making me jump,
"Me." He says and gets up walking away, Jax follows him and I feel like a knife is in my chest.
"Wow, that's um some crazy news... you had sex with Danny and Jax in one night..... get it girl."
Eric says making me laugh, Eric is all about women empowerment, he believes sexuality is normal on both sides that we all need it and just because girls go around having sex like men doesn't make them lesser than the other.
"How is Cristina?"
"She is okay, she misses you, she keeps saying she misses her little spoon."
I giggle,
"I'll come home tonight."
"Are you sure? Its Friday after all and well if you go meet this new guy he might keep you there over night."
Quinn says, I look at Ty and he smirks.
"No I'll be home with my big spoon tonight. I miss my babe."
Eric laughs,
"Just remember she is mine first."
I roll my eyes as he gets up and hugs me before he leaves as well, Quinn gets a call from Cin leaving just me and Ty there.
"So when are you going to tell them about Maverick?"
My stomach twist in knots at the subject,
"I don't know, they will all hate me, I know they will because they hate him..... I don't want to lose yall again."
"They will get over it, don't they always?"
I nod and smile as he kisses my cheek leaving too, I am alone with my thoughts and decide to leave early. I'll spend the rest of the day with Mav and then go hole to Cristina.
I drive off picking up some tamales from Mav's favorite place and race over so they wont get cold.
When I pull up I see a girl leaving the house smiling, he watches her leave and sees my car. His smile for me is bigger and shy, I get out and hand him his food.
"What's this?"
"Tamales from your favorite place."
"What??? My princesa brought me food? You do love me."
I roll my eyes and pull him inside the house, I sit on his lap and unroll a tamale. He looks at me as I feed him one, the residue left on my fingers I suck them off.
"You ever gave head before?"
I shake my head and smirks,
"I bet you'd be great at it."
I shrug my shoulders feeling nervous, he eats another one and puts the food away.
"Your not going to finish?"
He shakes his head getting up pulling me to the bedroom gently, my heart is racing so fast. He puts on the tv and pulls me into his arms, no sex? What the hell is going on?
He puts on Dead Silence and I get comfy in his arms, my head on his chest. His heart racing so fast, is he nervous? Maverick is nervous?!
Why does that make me want him more?! Fuck my life!!!! I look up at him and lay on my back pulling his face to mine.
We have a mini make out session, I want him to touch me but, he won't and its killing so bad!
"Um Mav? Why don't you want to touch me?"
"I want you to know that I actually want your company not just sex, princesa, I want you to want me in every way not just sexually too."
"Well.... I'm wet and I need you."
He smirks,
"Is that right? Can I feel?"
I nod and he slide his hand up my dress, fingers inside me, I bite my lip as he moves them around a bit.
He sighs looking at me smirking,
"Why are you wet?"
"Because I want you inside me."
I whimper out as he rubs my clit gently,
"How bad do you want me?"
"So bad that I'm practicality begging you."
I pull of his shirt and push his shorts down, his dick slides inside me gently, I bite my lip feeling instant pleasure fill my body. He looks at me adoringly making me feel a warmth in my heart, moans slip out as he thrust into me.
"I want you to be mine."
I open my eyes as he stops completely, a tear slides down my cheek,
"I'm not ready..... I need to be alone."
He pulls out of me and gets dressed,
"I think you should leave princesa."
Tears keep falling and I do as he says, I get in my car and drive off quickly.
He knows I'm ashamed of us and I know its wrong, I feel like such a horrible person. I've never been the type to care what people think but I just cant help it....
I go and tell Cristina everything like I did with Ty and she is shocked at first but then smiles.
"Well girl that guy is fucking hot, I don't blame you..... but you have to remember he tried killing me or Jax with that laced shit."
I totally forgot about that, I break down in tears knowing for sure they would never forgive me if I told them about Maverick.....
I hate feeling for him in every way.....
Never did I think I'd want someone so bad for the people around me.
"Would you hate me if I ended up with Mav?"
"I wouldn't hate you but I wouldn't feel safe around him.... I wouldn't want to hang with yall and I'm sure that's how the rest of the group is going to feel too. Does anyone else know?"
"Ty, he told me to do what makes me happy but I'm scared."
"I love you Ahmina but you need to stop living in fear, if those guys love you like they say they do they will stay in your life no matter what. You just need to make sure he is who you really want."
I nod knowing she is right
"You should go talk to Mav."
I do as she says and I pull up and knock on the door since he isn't inside, a girl answers the door in a towel and I feel my heart ache.
"Is Maverick here?"
"Um yeah? Who are you?"
"A friend... family friend..."
She looks at me in disgust and rolls her eyes.
"Sancho someone is here to see you."
Sancho? Wow real classy. Maverick comes to the door and the girl grabs his face and kisses him. He sees me and clenches his eyes as a year slides down my face.
"You don't have to say anything. This is exactly why I knew this wouldn't work."
I say with the last bit of breath I have as tears stream down my face, I walk away but he grabs me.
"What did you expect to happen?! You keep pushing me away and breaking my heart!"
"So you fuck the first thing that comes around the corner, sancho!?"
"Its not like that! I was using her to numb the pain you are putting me through! Princesa I love you! I'm out here like a damn fool yelling it out for the whole damn block to hear!!! They all know I do!!! Ahmina Guerrero I LOVE YOU!!!!"
"How could you love me but still stand to fuck someone else?"
He stays quiet and I go to my car.
"Princesa why are you here?! To make me look stupid? To break my heart again? To push me away?! Huh what was it this time!?"
I walk up to him getting in his face,
"I came to talk to you about US! FUCKING IDIOT!"
I walk away feeling hopeless but he wraps his arms around my waist gently, a tear slides down his cheek when he turns me around to look at him.
"I'm sorry princesa.... please forgive me."
"Sancho what the hell is going on?!"
I push him away,
"Your sucia is calling you. Want to see what it's really like being pushed away?"
I get in and drive off quickly, fuck all if this why am I even dealing with this?! I drive to Jax's house and run up to his room. He gets off his bed and walks over to me, attack his lips and look him in his eyes,
"Make me feel good please Jax."
He nods and undresses us and make love to me making me cum a few times. I look into his eyes as he finishes inside me,
"You really do love me...."
"Until the end."
He says making me smile, we lay in each others arms and take a nap, I get up and get dressed.
"Where are you going?"
"Home, I miss Cristian."
"Is that where your really going?"
I nod and smile, i kiss him deeply.
"Thank you for this...."
"I love you." He says as I walk out, when I get to Cristina's i take a shower and go to her room.
She pulls me into her kissing me gently
"I've missed you babe, I was so worried about you in jail I swear I cried like everyday. I smirk and touch her cheek,
"I'm not going anywhere."
Her arms wrapped around me I feel safe and content here with her every time she makes all the stress and drama melt away.
"So what happened at Mav's?"
"He was fucking some hoodrat when I got there and blamed it all on me because I've been pushing him away which would have made sense if none of the sex had happened and then one day i just popped up but no we have had sex like 4 times in one night and then i came over and he got mad bc i wouldn't be his girl and then he fucks a slut because I told him I wasn't ready? Idk, I'm just frustrated, I'm wrong for being ashamed of him and I but he fucked that hoe in purpose. He wanted to hurt me."
She sighs,
"Just let some time blow over, everything will be okay. He will text or call you soon."
"He has been blowing me up since I left."
"Good let him boil a little till you talk to him again."
We both giggle and become silent as sleep takes us away.
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"Okay guys I know we have all been through a lot but there is something I need to tell yall.... it's been driving me insane and I think yall will hate me after but I have to tell yall. I've kept secrets before and it hurt yall so I'm not going to do that anymore.......
I think I really really like Maverick."
"Is he going to try to kill any of us again?"
"No.... no.... no. Because I'd kill him if he tried that. I know Jax and Danny yall are really going to hate me but I didn't want to lie or hide I just want to get it all out there and Cin I know you hate the guy I won't bring him around you or anything."
Everyone stays quiet for a few minutes and they are all smiling a bit.
"What's going on?"
"Well umm Maverick kind of called all together yesterday and well we already know and we are all kids cool with it because Maverick literally cried over you and wanted us not to hate you because then he would lose you too. It was very weird for us to console him but funny."
Cin says and a wash of relief pours on top of me.
"Danny, Jax?"
"We just want you to be happy but if he ever hurts you it wont be pretty."
Danny nods agreeing with Jax.
"Oh and another thing for the ones that didn't know.
"I lost my virginity to Danny and I had sex with Jax too so yeah. Remember no lies."
I smile and get up,
"Where you going?!"
Cristina asks,
"I'll be back for the party I just need to go slap Mav real quick."
I drive over to Maverick's house and find him chilling with his gang, I get out and the guys start to cat call me making Mav mad as hell!
"Damn baby come sit on my lap!"
I look at my outfit and my heart starts racing like crazy, I'm wearing tight black shorts and a white tank top and converse.
"Get the fuck out of here!"
The gang does as he says and he walks over to me, he grabs my hand pulling me into the house.
"What the hell do you want to crush my heart again? Yell at me? Make me feel more bad about the other day?!"
My chest rising and falling fast as he speaks and all I can look at his his lips, my hand on his cheek he stops speaking.
"What?"
He asks, I pull his face do mine kissing him deeply, he looks at me with love in his eyes.
"Take me to your room."
He picks me up and lays me on his bed laying me down gently, my legs wrapped around his waist. His lips on my chest kissing slowly savoring my skin, my fingers undoing his dickies. He stops me looking into my eyes,
"Please Mav..."
He slowly pushes his dickies off then pulls off my shorts, his dick slides inside me.
"Mav!"
I moan out as he thrust inside me hard but slow, his lips on my neck.
"Oh God you feel so good!"
"You do too princesa." He groans out,
"Fuck I love you so much."
He says making me about to cum, his fingers gripping my thighs as we both cum together. We look at each other and start to chuckle a bit, he gently runs my cheek.
"So what brings you here for real? You just crave ne now or what? Is that all I am here for?"
I shake my head and kiss peck his lips,
"What do you want from me Maverick?"
"I want you to be mine, to love me and not be ashamed by me.... i don't want to be a secret. I promise I wont drag you into my life I just want you to be a part of me."
He says kissing my cheek
"Okay." He looks at me confused,
"Okay what?"
"I'm yours."
He sits up looking mad,
"Girl just get the fuck out I'm done."
Oh he thinks I'm fucking with him? I wrap the sheet around me and get on my knees sitting up. I pull him by his shirt kissing him between my words.
"I am yours, you are mine and that's all there is to it. Maverick I'm yours!"
He looks at me his eyes teared up a bit, he smiles and nods making me melt.
"Your my girl?" I nod smiling and he pins me to his bed and makes love to me. I feel so intensely happy and my heart feels like its going to explode. I'm am his.
"I'm going to make you so happy Ahmina."
He says holding me as the night starts to fall, I get up and get dressed,
"Where are you going?"
"You mean where are we going?"
He looks at me confused,
"I'm throwing a party at my new place..... I had my lawyer buy a house for me. It's big and beautiful and enough room for two..."
"Are you asking me to move in with you in your fancy house on the fancy side of town?"
"I'm asking you to come over wherever you want and if you feel comfortable to move in eventually to do so....... I know what it's like to live with you, I basically did for a year..."
"I'll think about it princesa. Go to your party."
"Your not going to come?"
"Maybe later...."
I nod and kiss him deeply one last time, this feels right but I've said that before...
I arrive at my place that's only a mile from Jax's house and find the party has already started. Cristina has been hosting and kisses me gently.
"So did you tell Mav about us?"
I look at her,
"I completely forgot to tell him babe, I'm sorry."
She looks at me sadly
"How could you forget about me? Like if he isn't okay with it will you pick him over me?"
I grab her hands tightly,
"Never babe. I promise."
She smirks not believing me fully, she walks away to Eric and left alone at my own party looking like a dumb ass. Even Jax and Danny brought someone, I try to ignore the feeling and try to enjoy my time but i wish Maverick were here.
I pull Cristina into me and holder her close as a semi slow song comes on, she looks sad, really sad.
I lift her chin to look at me and kiss her gently but deeply, I feel all eyes on us and I'm happy it doesn't bother Eric at all. I feel my arm get tugged and see Mav, he pulls me away a little with an angry face.
"What the fuck Ahmina?! We have only been together for 4 hours and your cheating already?!"
Everyone looks at us and I her whispers all around, I go back and kiss Cristina's forehead and grab Mav's hand taking him to the back room where its quiet.
"Mav there is something I should have told you..... I'm bisexual and.... me and Cristina are kind of a couple...."
"You thought I'd be okay with this?! Does her man know too?"
"He does and I was hoping if you really loved me the way you say you do, you'd let it be and just be happy with me."
"I don't don't that homo shit, my family would disown me if I had a bisexual girlfriend."
"Your mom wouldn't do that to me.... she loves me."
"Yes she does but she hates LGBT people more since my dad left her for a man! Remember!? And now your going to leave me for a girl?!"
"I'm not leaving you for anyone if you decide to leave me for being who I am that's all on you Mav. I'm not going to change who I am."
"You know what I need some time to think about this.... I don't know what to do, say or feel."
He starts to walk away but I grab his hand, tears in my eyes.
"Please Mav, don't do this...."
"I need to go."
He was away leaving me alone and scared of his private thoughts, Cristina comes in and sees I'm upset.
"What happened?"
"Its just that his family doesn't like people like us because his dad left his mom for a guy so they are homophobic..... He thinks that if his mom found out about us that they would basically disown him but, I really don't think his mom would do that because his mom and my mom were bestfriend since they were teens on ?Texas.... she has always loved me but he doesn't think she will get over it at all....."
"If he makes you happy and you love him be with him.... I'll get over it slowly. I love you enough to let you go and see what you really want."
"But i don't want to met you go... I love you Cristina...."
She smirks and pulls me into a tight hug, tears streaming down my face.
"Come on let's enjoy the party."
I nod and we go back to the party, i down drinks like crazy and become buzzed quickly.
"Hey slow down Chula..."
Jax says taking the drink from me, I look at him and his beautiful face and it hits me like a brick wall. Him and Danny really do love me, they are both good for me in every way and here I am choosing Maverick who is in fact no good for me. The attraction and want and the desire to be with the bad boy is unhealthy for me and I know that for a fact because I KILLLED a man for him and almost got thrown in prison for it..... I don't need Maverick I want to be his savior. I only crave him because he is bad...
"Jax I'm sorry.... I'm, I'm sorry for not being good enough for you."
"Chula you have always been good if not better for me. You are the best parts of me that I lack."
A tear slides down my cheek and in my drunken stupor I decided to text Mav and tell him if he cant Accept me and Cristina then we should just be friends with benefits.
I wait for his reply hoping that he would fight or just get over it but he sends me a fucking thumbs up! In throw my phone at a glass table and it shatters, good riddance.
"Come on, show me your room."
Jax says grabbing my hand, I take him upstairs. He pulls me on to the bed with him and holds me tightly, little by little the whole group comes to my room and we all huddle together.
"You are getting into all if this late. We have all gone what you are going through before we just have more patience for you because you weren't allowed to even talk to a guy..... Maverick should know this if he doesn't care to try then fuck him."
Quin says making me feel a lot better.
"I love yall so much.... I don't want anyone or anything to get in between our group so if that's what Mav is trying to do he can take a hike."
They all hug me tightly, it feels like my heart is getting repaired with all the love they are showering upon me. This is my family..... they love me more than anyone ever has besides my mom.
"Do yall wanna stay the night with me? I kinda bought a bunch of air mattresses and that couch pulls out onto a queen...  tall know I haven't been alone since my dad killed himself."
"Oh no we have another Danny!"
I giggle as Danny punches Eric's arm, we all laugh and they nod.
"Come in Quinn, you and I are the most intimidating of the group. Let's kick these fuckers out."
Ty says pulling Quinn up to his feet, as they do that everyone gets settled into their beds. Danny and Jax hold me tightly, I have the two that love me holding me and they are not fighting. This is heaven.
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