Love Can Be Confusing

The Revelation

I wake in the morning, to missed calls and texts, form everyone, what the hell?
I call Cristina quickly,
"Where the fuck are you?! Jax is in the hospital! Someone gave him laced ecstasy! He has a seizure last night!"
"Oh my god! I'm on my way!"
I get cleaned up quickly and drive as fast as I can, when I pull up Ty runs to me and rushes me to Jax's hospital room. When I get there he is on a breathing machine, I run up to the side of his bed and grab his hand. Tears are streaming down my face,
"Who the hell gave him the drugs?!"
Everyone looks at Cristina, I walk up to her getting in her face,
"What the fuck Cristina!"
"No baby it's not what you think I-"
"Don't call me that Cristina!"
Tear slide down her face,
"I gave him the last of my pills before the party ended Because I'm pregnant, I've never had a problem with any of the pills before."
"Where did you get them..."
She gets quiet and looks around, I grab her face,
"WHERE DID YOU GET THEM!?"
"M-maverick."
Maverick.... I start to storm off but Ty pulls me back,
"Put me down!"
"No! No you need to calm down! Please just take a breath..."
I relax my body and Danny comes and pulls me Into a hug,
"It could have been anyone if yall, my past is trying to hurt yall!"
"Shhhh it's okay, everything will be okay!"
I push Danny off of me,
"No it wont, I have to end this now."
I run off and speed over to Mavericks house, I find him chilling on his porch drinking a beer.
"What are you doing here?"
He asks as i walk over to him pissed, i grab him by the shirt and punch him in the face, blood drips from his mouth.
"What the fuck!?"
"You gave laced drugs to my friends and now one of them is in the hospital Maverick! What the fuck is wrong with you!? Do you really hate me that much that you destroy the people I love?!"
"They don't love you! They don't love you like the way i love you Ahmina! Yes I would!"
Tears running down my face,
"I hate you Maverick! I fucking hate you! Stay the fuck away from my friends, or I swear!"
"You'll what?! Kill me?! Like you did that guy in the alley!?"
A shock of pain and flashbacks hit me hard, I look around to see if anyone was outside but, it seems like we are all alone. I walk up to him getting in his face,
"That's exactly what I'll fucking do."
I walk away leaving him speechless, I drive back to the hospital and rush back to the room.
"What the hell happened?!"
Danny grabs my hand seeing my bloody knuckles, I shake my head.
"Nothing, I took care if it okay."
"Ahmina, what exactly did you do?"
He whispers to me scared,
"I didn't do what you think I did that's for sure, fuck Danny I'm not a monster."
I push past him feeling annoyed that he'd even fathom the thought that I'd do that again. I sit next to Jax and hold his hand,
"I'm so sorry Jax, this is all my fault...."
"How is this your fault?"
Quinn asks confused,
"Maverick laced those pills on purpose because I don't want to be with him."
"Wow...."
Cin says looking at me angry.
"This is all your fault, all the fighting and heartbreak is all your fucking fault! Ever since you came into their lives everything has been fucked up!"
Tears stream down my face and Quinn tries to get Cin to stop talking,
"Is that how you all feel?"
I look around the room and everyone stays quiet even Danny,
"Wow, okay.... I um, I guess I'll just get out if yall's lives then..."
I get up and start to walk out, Danny grabs my arm and I pull away roughly,
"Your silence is all I needed. You all obviously talked about this while I was gone. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused yall. Just know, I love everyone of yall."
Tears falling my legs walking out of the room I showed off to the beach and blast a song on a loop
Deep blue see by Misso plays.
I take a none laced pill and chug some whiskey Danny had in the car, i look into the water. I strip down to my panties and bra and let the water crash into my legs. My legs fall from the pressure, the water on my chest, should I let the current take me away? I'll never be a burden to anyone ever again, I cant stop crying.
I walk deeper into the water. It's at my waist now, am I brave enough to let the waves engulf me completely?
My dad appears and he chuckles,
"Your not brave enough to do this, your a coward. Why don't you put everyone out if their misery? You caused enough drama and hurt didn't you?"
He disappears and look up at the darkening sky, I walk deeper in.
I struggle to keep standing, hours pass by and I have not gathered the courage to go deeper. My legs grow weak and I collapse into the water and it takes me away into the sea. I'm floating for now but, I will drown when the tides come in rougher.
I smile looking into the stars, a wave crashes onto of me and I start to feel the burn from the salt water in my eyes and throat.
Panic sets in me and I try to come up for air, my arms waving in the air hoping someone is out there.
I start to sink down and everything goes black.
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I'm pulled back into the world, my throat burning as I cough up the salt water. Sobs break in my chest and I look up seeing everyone but, it wasn't Danny that saved my life. It was Jax I gasp for air but I cant get any.
"She has water in her lungs! We need to get her to the hospital now! What the fuck is wrong with yall!" My body lifts up and I'm in the bed of a truck with Jax, he is still trying to get me to cough up more water. I am but it's not enough.
"Don't die on me! Chula please don't do this!"
I black out again and my body feels pain, my body gagging, my eyes shoot open and I sit up quickly.
I suck in all the air in the hallway where I had stopped breathing and came back fully.
"Get her Into ICU!"
Tears stream down my face as I see Jax yelling at all of them, they all have tears in their eyes. The doctor takes Jax and the doors close, my eyes fall heavy.
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I wake warm hands holding mine, I pull off the oxygen mask and look around.
Everyone is here? Why?
I cough a little from dry throat, Jax wakes up and stands up quickly, I smile at him.
"You saved me again.... you really should get a medal or something."
He chuckles with tears in his eyes,
"I was so scared, I almost lost you, your heart stopped and I swear I almost died inside."
"I'm hard to kill."
I say smiling, he kisses my forehead gently, everyone starts to wake up, Cin rushes to me tears in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry for what I said, i didn't mean an-"
"Yes you did Cin, and it's okay. Your right, I've caused all off you a lot of pain."
"Are you serious? No, no they are fucking idiots! You have opened our eyes to so many things! They should be grateful for the things that have happened! You all should be grateful! Especially you Danny! She gave you love and acceptance! She made you feel wanted for the first time in your life and this is how you repay her! You all should feel shitty about yall's selves! This girl has taken so much shit from us over the past years and yet she still gave yall the benefit of the doubt and yall make her feel like she caused YALL PAIN!? How much pain did we cause her?! Yall are selfish! Get the fuck out!"
They all look at each other with tears in their eyes,
"GET THE FUCK OUT!"
they get startled and start to walk out, Danny stand there looking at Jax, not even me just Jax.
"Your right, I don't deserve her, I never did."
I close my eyes as tears fall down my face, I lost all of them, Maverick was right. They didn't love me the way I loved them, Jax wipes his tear and kisses my hand.
"You don't need them, I'm here and I've never left your side. I'll never abandon you."
I smirk and nod,
"Jax why are you so good to me?"
"I wasn't always good to you..."
"But you have been ever since that one night and you never faltered. You always stuck by my side no matter what I decided."
"Its, Because........ I love you."
I smile, my heart feeling warm and fuzzy as a tear slides down my cheek.
"Love?"
"Yes Ahmina, I love you."
He kisses my forehead,
"I'll get the nurse."
He has never said that to me, he told me he wasn't there yet but it's been a while..... he loves me....
He gets up quickly and calls someone in, they check my vitals all night and all day the next day.
"Hey, how are you doing?"
Cristina walks in looking nervous, Jax looks at me and I nod,
"I'll let yall two talk."
Cristina comes to my side and grabs my hand, I pull it away quickly and she looks hurt.
"Ahmina, I didn't feel the way the others did, I just stayed quiet because of Eric."
"But you didn't care what happened to me in the end?"
"No, no babe I did! I was the one that told Jax what they said, he got up and ripped out his wires and he knew exactly where to find you. I knew he  would know."
"Why didn't you speak up for me? Your my bestfriend..."
"I was scared because of how I gave Jax the pills, I was still in shock. I didn't know they were going to ambush you like that."
"Did everyone feel the way Cin did?"
She looks down and nods,
"Danny wouldn't say it but he did.... he seems scared of you for some reason."
I sigh knowing exactly why he seems scared of me, he said he saw me as the same person and he lied. I risked a lot going to tell off Maverick, I cant believe I really thought he was going to be okay with everything.
"Whatever the reason everyone decided to turn on me, I hope they don't regret it because the way I see it the only people that want me in their life still is you and Jax.
"Oh and Ty, Ty was mad but, he didn't want you out if his life. Ty is pretty chill with everything."
"So Quinn, Cin, Danny, Eric."
"Eric is on the fence, he likes you a lot but he thinks your past is going to ruin us all."
"I'm done with my past, but I'm also not going to beg anyone to be in my life. They really hurt me, you really hurt me too Cristina."
"Baby in sorry, please... I still want you."
Tears rolling down her cheeks, I place my hand one her cheek, her forehead on mine.
"I forgive you but, i need you to have my back sometimes okay?"
She nods and smirks, I kiss her deeply before she leaves.
"So you and Cristina are like a closet thing or what?"
"No, we are together kind of, I share her she shares me with whomever I'm with. And if the next person AKA you cant handle that than I'm sorry, I just want to be happy."
"So I'm the next boyfriend?"
"Maybe in time, I kind of just need to be alone for real this time. Just take a month or two to be alone...."
"Okay well Thanksgiving is coming up, we usually all have it at Danny's but, I don't know how that's all going to work now."
"We can have our own, we will invite all the guys and whoever comes, comes... I'm not going to waste my time with all the bullshit, I'm done."
Jax nods, the nurses do some vitals and send me on my way, we drive to Cristina's house but, I suddenly feel stressed as I see Eric's car there.
Jax sighs looking at me,
"Let's just go in and if he causes a ruckus we will leave."
I nod and we walk in, I smile as Cristina runs up to me quickly and kisses me gently. Eric looks at me and shakes his head,
"I'm sorry for the ambush.... Danny is acting weird and Cin I don't know what the hell us up with him."
Danny probably told Cin what I did... I feel a tightening in my stomach and run to the downstairs bathroom and purge my stomach. Jax rubs my back,
"What's going on?"
I cant tell anyone else I already risked telling Danny who said it didn't matter to him but, it obviously does intensely.
"Its nothing I just, I need to fund out what the hell is going on with Danny."
I get up and run out of the house and speed off to Danny's ignoring Jax's calls. I pull up and walk in, Faith must be gone again, I run up to his room and find him drinking a bottle of Rum.
"Danny what the fuck is going on?! Did you tell Cin?!"
He stands up quickly and walks up to me,
"I cant be with you Ahmina, I keep having nightmares that your going to kill me in not sleep. There is something dark inside you weather you like it or not. You killed a man."
"Danny I would never hurt any of yall! I love all of yall!"
"I love you Ahmina I really fucking do but, I'm also terrified of you.... I tried to make it seem like everything was okay but, it's just not."
A tear slides down my cheek and I nod,
"Okay.... that's fine but just know I fucking loved you. You made this decision all on your own, don't come back trying to get me to be with you again. I'm DONE!"
"I understand, I didn't tell anyone either I swear it on everything. I'd never do that to you, Cin just has an issue with you that I don't know of. I um I think you should go."
I grab my jacket and leave his house, I clean my face so it doesn't look like I've been crying, taking a deep breath I get out if the car and go inside.
"What happened?"
"He basically loves me but, he thinks I'm dangerous or toxic."
I shrug, Jax pulls me into him giving me a tight hug, his lips kissing the top of my head.
"You want me to stay the night or come over to my place?"
"No, I need to be alone for a bit.. I just, I don't know."
"Your heartbroken." Cristina says with sadness in her voice, I nod and tears start to stream down my face. She pulls me into a hug,
"Yall can go, ill take care of her."
"Call me if she needs me okay?"
Jax says as sobs break out if my chest, she take me up stairs to my room and holds me as I cry into her chest.
"Wow, you really did love him huh?"
I nod feeling empty, I loved him so much but, I should have known it was to good to be true. I just feel a dark deep pit in side my stomach sucking all of the happiness away from me.
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I wake for school and get dressed in a hoodie and jeans some converse, my hair naturally wavy. I look in the mirror but caring how I look honestly, I leave without telling Cristina. I pull up seeing Danny sitting at a table talking to a group if girls, a tear escapes my eye. I get out and walk to my locker alone.... I put my hood on and headphones looking down at the floor as I walk.
I bump into someone and see him, my voice breaks seeing his stupid face as I say,
"Sorry." I try to walk past him but he grabs me, he lifts my chin and looks into my blood shit crying eyes.
"Ahmina....."
"What?" I look away and he sighs,
"What's wrong?"
I look at him like he is stupid and scoff,
"You broke my heart you fucking pussy!"
I move past him and run into the restroom to clean my face, one of the girls he was talking to comes in.
'Hey, are you okay?"
I smirk, she seems nice not a slut like most of the girls get used to mess with.
"Y-yeah I'm fine. Just um, Danny and I broke up last night, so yeah I'm sure you knee already."
"I did but, I didn't think you'd be depressed over it, you seem to get over things so quickly."
"Yeah, well I loved him a lot...."
"He must be a stallion in bed then huh?"
I smirk and look at her,
"I wouldn't know."
"Seriously?"
I nod,
"What we had was different and deep."
I walk out and sit in my desk, I ignored everyone today, I haven't seen Jax yet but I have him for class next.
I arrive first in class and sit down with my head down, I hear him sit down.
"Hey, you okay?"
"I could be better."
He smirks,
"Your better than better, you are amazing."
I smirk feeling a little better, Jax talks like he melts butter and its warm and intoxicating. He looks at me making me want to do bad things.
"Get with your partners."
Jax pulls me up going to the secluded area of the room where the reading tents are. He backs me up against the wall and touches my cheek,
"Your so fucking beautiful..."
I smile feeling the darkness inside me spark up a bit, I always feel weak with him. I always want to do naughty things with him and he always make me feel so good in general. Danny who?
Just kidding I'm still messed up over it but, Jax makes it not hurt so much, a tear slides down my cheek.
"Hey chula what's wrong?"
"You always make me feel so good.... I should have stayed and fighter to be with you... you would have never hurt me."
"Hey, we will have our time, don't worry about that okay? I love you so much, I'd do anything for you, you are the one I'd wait for till the end of the earth. You don't understand how much you mean to me Chula."
My legs fall weak from his words but he catches me, I want him.... i want all of him so bad its burning me from the inside out. He looks into my eyes,
"Jax.... I need you."
I say breathlessly, his eyes get dark from lust.
"Come to my house after class?"
I nod, the bell rings and he smiles, his hand takes mine as we run out of the school and to the parking lot.

A smile on my face as I reach the car, I see Danny watching us, he looks mad but I don't care at all.
My heart is racing, Jax and I hot and heavy in his room my back against the bed. His finger tangled in my hair.
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
I look at him in his eyes,
"I'm not ready to go all the way, just make me feel good please."
He smirks and pulls off my pants and panties, I gasp as he waste no time sliding his tongue inside me. I moan out at he sucks on my clit, my back arching from the intense pleasure.
"Oh my god." I whimper out as he slides his finger inside me as he keeps eating me out. Pure euphoria melts my body, I pull his face to mine and kiss him deeply.
"You taste so good." He says huskily,
"Your going to make moving on easy if this keeps being a thing."
"As in you'll be mine."
I smirk biting my lip, he chuckles
"I want you to be mine already."
"I cant, you'll end up being a rebound and who knows I'll probably end up with Ty."
His face goes hard and I bust out laughing as he tickles me, ugh I never knew this side of him ever existed but, I love it.
I put my clothes on quickly and look at Jax for a second, God he is so beautiful.
"I'm hungry. Let's go eat."
He gets up and I follow him to a dinner, we sit and eat. My heart goes cold as I see Maverick and the rest of the skulls pull up. This used to be their old hangout, i didn't know they started coming her again. I sigh as Maverick walks up to our table.
"Hey your with Chino now? I gotta say I like him better than that other guy, oh you see the black eye your girl gave me the other day? Sorry about your friend sancha, hope he is okay."
"That friend was me and we are just friends, and in happy she gave you that black eye, it could have been worse."
Jax says looking at Mav getting in his face.
"Is that a threat?"
Mav asks m, Jax gets up and nods, I smirk and grab Jax's hand.
"Come on lets get out of here."
Jax smack my butt making Mav really angry, Maverick grabs my arm pulling me back to him. I turn around pushing him away,
"Don't ever grab me like that again Mav!" I slap him hard in the face and storm out with Jax.
"You okay chula?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just really tired. I think I'm going to head home."
"Okay, well if I did anything wrong I'm sorry."
I pull Jax's face down to mine and kiss him slowly but with much passion.
"You didn't do anything wrong. I'll see you tomorrow."
Jax bite his lip looking sext as hell, I clear my throat and get in my car driving off in different directions.
When I get home I go straight to my room feeling exhausted, I hear knocks on my door.
"Enter!"
I yell out, Cristina comes in looking sad, I sit up quickly.
"Hey what's wrong? Is the baby okay?"
She nods,
"Hey, love what's wrong?"
"Well you didn't get home till late and then when you got here you came straight to your room I was scared you were mad at me."
"Oh no, come here dork, I'm not mad at you I'm just exhausted."
She jumps in the bed and I pull her into me holding her tightly, my sweet sexy girl. I sigh, she looks up at me.
"What babe?"
She asks making me smile,
"Nothing, you just make me happy."
She smiles and kisses me deeply,
"Let's sleep now because I'm sleepy."
She nods and gets in the covers with me quickly, her arms wrap around me holding me tight. Something feels different ever since the dinner, something I cant put my finger on. Like a balance was thrown off or a war was starting. Or maybe it was peace?
I try not to think about it and I let sleep take me away.
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