Aching for Adam

Chapter 1

I walk over to where the sound is coming from, but I can't find my my cell phone in the monumental mess that is our apartment. After the third ring, I finally find it and pick up.

"Oh, hey mom." I roll my eyes. "Yes, I know you saw it on Faceb– yes...no..." I sigh. "I actually got an invitation."

I have to lift the phone from my ear, "Woah, calm down!"

I admit, I received the wedding invitation weeks ago but I couldn't bring myself to tell my mom, because of this very reaction. I knew she would beg me to go, but there wasn't enough money in the world. I wouldn't show my face at that wedding.

Adam's sister's wedding. More precisely, my ex's sister's wedding.

Not that there was bad blood or anything, not that Adam and I parted on horrible terms either. It's just... I just didn't want to see them again. I didn't want to be reminded of the lovely family and life I left behind when I left Adam.

Sure, I was the one who left, technically speaking, but it wasn't really because I wanted to. I was offered a job I couldn't say no to, and had to move away. I couldn't force him to do the same. So I left him behind, after 10 years of friendship, one failed attempt at dating when we were in high school, and then a successful one that resulted in three years of bliss with the love of my life, I thought at the time.

It's not like I could show up and boast about being better off either, I couldn't really brag about making the right decision. Because I don't think I did.

Rick, I regret to say, is probably not the best choice when it comes to settling down. And not that I'm in a rush, but at 28 years old, I'm not getting any younger. I probably should have left him after the first year. Maybe the second. Definitely the third. But I didn't.

And I normally wouldn't be so petty but to parade my new beau, but I know that Adam is in a happy relationship and I don't think I would survive seeing him with someone else. I'd definitely have a monumental meltdown in front of everyone. Not quite what I normally like to do on a Saturday night.

Adam was always mine; I never could imagine him getting married, buying a house...becoming a dad, with anyone else. Just thinking about it breaks my heart. And I've had over three years to get used to the idea.

I snap back to reality and realize my mom is still on the line, "Hello? Elle? Are you there?"

"Yeah, mom, sorry. I'm not going," she would like nothing more than for me to get back with Adam. Or "Perfect Adam", like she would always call him.

Ok, he was kind of perfect, but there was no way we were ever getting back together. He'd moved on, and my mom had to, too. As for me trying to get over him, well, let's just not go there.

"Mom, Rick just got home. Gotta go, love you!" I hang up before she can say another word.

"Hey babe, what's for dinner?" Rick asks without even glancing up at me.

"Oh, um, I thought we were going out, I tried to reach you..." I hesitate, and he looks up.

"Yeah, sorry, I was busy. So, dinner? I have a thing with the guys later, you gotta make something quick." I shut my eyes and breathe in through my nose.

"Rick...it's our 4-year anniversary...I reminded you 3 times last week. I even got you this." I pick up the small white box with a black ribbon from the table.

"Oh my god, babe, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot! Stupid brain, right?" He chuckles and reaches for the gift.

"I'm really sorry, it has to be another day babe. Maybe this weekend? Oh shoot, I'm going out with the guys this weekend, probably just Saturday but we might do something on Friday too. Maybe we can go out next week then?" He gives me a fake smile then continues, "Pick someplace cheap please, I'm trying to save up for a new watch."

"Like the one in the gift box you just threw on the couch?" I think to myself.

I try really hard not to roll my eyes. "Sure," is all I manage to say.

"So, dinner?" he says.

"I don't have anything prepared..."

"You know what, it's not a problem babe," he says with a proud smile this time, as though he's somehow being accommodating. "I'll just go out and pick something up on the way to Jenna's place."

"Jenna's place?" It's the third time this week. And one of those nights, he didn't come home at all. He actually got mad when I tried to ask him for an explanation.

"Yeah, she invited a few girlfriends and a few guys are coming over too," he changes his t-shirt right there in the living room, and continues when I don't answer, "I'd invite you, but you don't know anyone, so it would be pretty awkward."

"I don't mind, actually," I start to say but before I can finish my sentence he cuts me off. "Next time, maybe. By the way, can I borrow your car? Thanks." He quickly gives me a peck on the cheek while grabbing my keys. "See you later!" he says as he opens the door to leave. I slump down on the couch.

I'm not even mad, not even surprised, just really tired. Tired of Rick, tired of always coming in second place, tired of not taking my life into my own hands and finding someone who will actually respect me.

From the corner of my eye I see the wedding invitation, right there on the top of the pile of papers, screaming at me.

"You know what?" I say to myself, "If Rick's going to be out all weekend, doing god knows what again, then I'm sure as hell not going to stay here and wait up for him."