Aching for Adam

Chapter 11

ADAM

As I do everyday, I wake up at 5 AM. I can always count on my internal clock to ruin my nights. Even on weekends.

But today, even my lack of sleep from taking my time with Elle last night, and waking up at this ridiculous hour, couldn't ruin my morning.

Waking up to her, peacefully asleep in my arms, the corners of her mouth twitching slightly as she dreams is like heaven.

Her brown hair is splayed all over the pillow, and her angel face, the face I always imagined my daughter would have, is glowing in the first rays of sunlight peaking through the window.

I had tried to make the night last as long as we could stay awake. If it was our last night together, the last time I would feel her, I wanted to cherish every second of it. I thought the first time I claimed her would tame the fire, but it only made me crave her more.

Thank god we had all night, because I was completely out of control the minute I touched her. Watching her, hearing her come undone around me felt like freakin' utopia. I never wanted it to stop. Having her react so strongly to my every touch was the most erotic thing I could ever imagine. Especially knowing she was choosing to be with me, even after all this time.

I wanted to be with her again like I needed to breathe. I wanted to wake her up in the sweetest way possible, with my mouth on her delicious lips, just to hear her voice say my name. But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

She smiles in her sleep and my heart clenches. What is she dreaming about?

"Rick", she mumbles.

I swear I can hear my chest slip open at that moment. It's a cruel reminder that she isn't mine to claim. She's with someone else, and although we had an unbelievable night together, I can't risk her waking up and telling me it didn't mean anything to her. It would kill me.

I slowly slip out of the covers and put my clothes on.

I need to let her go, let her live her life and move on even if I'm not able to. We had last night, and it was more than I'd ever hoped to have with her again.

I give her a kiss on the forehead, trying to mentally etch her breathtaking features and her sweet scent in my mind, and then leave, exiting her life for good.

____

ELLE

The sun is peaking through the crack in the curtains and it wakes me up. It takes a second to realize I'm alone in bed. I call out to Adam, but don't get an answer.

Waking up from such a horrible dream—Rick cheating on me, a dream I've had countless times—and finding myself alone instead of with Adam, is not what I was expecting.

I roll over and check my phone. No messages, no voicemails, no nothing. I feel a squeezing pain in my chest.

"Maybe he'll just show up with coffee and breakfast like they do in the movies," I tell myself. I get dressed, brush my teeth and sit on the edge of the bed, waiting.

An hour passes.

He never comes back.

I gather my things and check out as fast as I can, then drive back to my apartment, to my boring life, to Rick.

Last night was one of the most unbelievable nights of my life, and although the thought of not waking up in Adam's arms makes my heart ache, we'll always have that night. I'll try to remember the look in his eyes while he was making love to me, and not the clear message that it didn't mean as much to him as it did to me.

Maybe he regretted it.

"Elle, don't go down that rabbit hole," I quickly tell myself, breathing in.

I cringe when Rick kisses my cheek; he still smells like beer. My place is a mess, and he doesn't even bother telling me if he slept at home at all last night.

He turns to walk towards the kitchen, and before I can stop myself, I grab his wrist.

"Rick, have you ever cheated on me?" Disgusted by Rick, upset with Adam not even leaving me a message, and empowered by what happened last night is apparently the mix of emotions that finally give me the courage to ask.

He stops walking, frees his wrist and turns to face me.

"What? Why are you asking me that? Where is this coming from? What the fuck?" His face quickly changes from surprise to anger. "Who put this in your head, huh?" He takes a step towards me.

"Calm down, just answer the question please" I press. Rick gets angry easily, but I don't think he'd ever hurt me. I stand my ground.

"No, of course not, what the actual fuck?" He turns back around, "I'm gonna hit the head", and with that, he disappears into the bathroom.

The funny thing is, whatever the truth is, it doesn't even matter. I don't want to spend one more second of my life with him. I would rather be alone than be with him, and although I was never sure what to do about it before, now it's clear as day. I have no respect for him, I have no love for him, and I have no interest in wasting any more of my precious energy on him.

"Rick, come out of the bathroom for a second, we need to talk." He opens the door swiftly, and looks at me warily. At the very least, he knows me. And although I rarely use a commanding tone with him, when I do, he usually makes an effort to listen.

"What? Are you gonna accuse me some more?" His eyes are defiant.

"No, Rick, look, you and I both know that this isn't really working. It hasn't been for a long time. I think we need to wake up and put an end to this. We need to go our separate ways. I'm not happy anymore, and I don't think you are either." I desperately hope it will be enough, because I don't have the strength to give him much more. Rick is a simple guy anyway, and I know he avoids long serious discussions at all costs.

"Are you serious? Is this because you think I cheated on you?" He isn't even upset, he just looks surprised.

"No, you know it isn't," I rebuke.

"Alright, fine, if it's what you want." He takes a deep breath, and I can see a pang of hurt flash in his eyes, but it seems mixed in with relief. "But don't come back to me in two weeks saying you regret leaving, 'cause it'll be too late," is all he says before adding, "I'll pick up my stuff and leave before the end of the day," and slams the door.

Wow. Not that I was expecting him to put up a fight, but I've been with him for over three years. You would think he'd need more than a two line explanation before packing up and leaving.

I know Rick is not the type of guy that will show any sign of weakness. And although his reaction did surprise me, I know he's still going to have some mixed emotions about it. At least his ego ought to be hurt.

In any case, if I ever had any doubts about taking this decision, I really don't anymore.

I exhale a breath of relief, and grab my keys. I need to sort through my emotions, and I need to see Tam.