Aching for Adam

Chapter 4

ELLE

It's Saturday night, and all of a sudden, I don't feel as confident in the dress anymore. I glance at myself in the mirror one last time and call Tam.

"Tam, I'm freaking out, what am I doing?" I try to focus on my breathing. "I'm not going, this was a bad idea."

"Calm down! You're fine. Just stop thinking about it and go! You'll have a great time. Plus, remember that you were invited. Suzie wants you there for her special day, she'll be disappointed if you don't show." Tammy was right. Adam's sister and I had developed a really close bond. We kept in touch for a while after Adam and I separated, but at some point I had to distance myself. It was really hard to still be part of her life knowing what I had left behind, and knowing that everybody moved on so quickly after I left.

I knew Suzie genuinely wanted me at her wedding, though. Her carefree nature was probably what never stopped her from wondering if it was a good idea. New girl or not, Adam was bound to find it awkward for me to be there.

Initially, I had RSVP'd to let them know I would come, excited and happy for her and Nathan's wedding. But after a few weeks I started realizing what it would mean to actually go. That it would mean seeing him, his girl, and the rest of his family again. And that was when I had decided not to go after all. But I hadn't had the guts to let her know.

Now I just had to go. So be it. What was the worst thing that could happen, right?

"Alright, yes, you're right. As always." We end our call and I walk out of the bedroom.

"What the hell? Where are you going dressed like that? I told you I'm going out with the boys tonight." Rick has an incredulous look on his face.

"I'm going to Suzie's wedding. Adam's sister, remember? I told you about this a while back." I look down and busy myself with my dress. I knew he could get really jealous sometimes and I didn't want to start a fight.

"Adam? Adam's—" he stops short. "You know what, it's fine. Have fun. Don't wait up for me." He doesn't even say goodbye before leaving, so I know he's upset.

Oh well, so be it. I've barely seen him in the past few weeks. When he doesn't come home at night, he just tells me he slept over at his friend's place because he'd had too much to drink. When I offered to go pick him up next time, he just laughed and told me not to worry about it. When I confronted him, he just found an excuse to leave the room.

I can't even remember the last time Rick and I had sex. Not that I'm sad about that. I was starting to feel like he was just a really bad roommate. And I'm not stupid, I know there's a good chance he's sleeping with someone else. Truth be told, I'm just waiting for the right time to leave him. It seemed like every time I tried to broach the subject, just like any other subject for that matter, he would find an excuse to leave the apartment. My apartment. Because he would technically have to help me pay the bills for it to be considered our place.

I shake my head, trying to physically shake my thoughts away, and remind myself that tonight is about me looking fine as hell and having fun. The rest doesn't matter, not tonight.

I gather my things, take a last look in the mirror and take a deep breath. Then, I grab my keys and get into my car, desperately trying to think about literally anything other than what I'm about to walk into.

I arrive on-site and there are a few people gathered around the entrance. I didn't make it to the ceremony, but I can already tell they went all out for this wedding. The venue is their beautiful family mansion; it's surrounded by breathtakingly lavish gardens.

I give my keys to the valet and nervously walk towards the doorway. I pass a few people chatting quietly and some waiters passing through with hors d'oeuvres and champagne trays on their way to the gardens. I can see a crowd around back, but I figure I'll start small and try to see if there's anyone I know in any of these smaller groups.

I can hear a live jazz band, and I recognize the song they're playing. It was our song. Great.

I make it to the the doorway, and just above is this stunning arch that's made up of hundreds of intertwined white roses. I smile and chuckle. Of course Suzie's wedding is going to be over the top.

The Taylors are rich; there isn't any other way of putting it. And not that they like to show off their money—you would never guess that they were millionaires if you would ever strike up a conversation with them on the street—but they do occasionally enjoy the finer things in life, and why wouldn't they? Cars, houses, fancy dinner parties and expensive vacations... I'd lie if I said I didn't miss it—not that my family wasn't well off, we just weren't on the same level—and I sometimes had to check myself to make sure I would still be with him if he didn't have so much money, or if I suddenly became richer than him. The answer was always, heck, yes!

Didn't mean I couldn't enjoy a luxury vacation now and then.

I trusted Adam with my life. There was no other way of putting it. I never really understood the term "better half" before. Not only did he complete me, he was just like me in spirit, but he was way better than me. He was kind, funny, trust-worthy, honest, smart... Everybody loved him. He was just a genuinely good person through and through.

I snap out of my daydream and realize there's no one here I know. I decide to take my phone out to text Tam, and she's already texted me: "Keep your head high, love you."

I smile, and straighten my stance.