Aching for Adam

Chapter 4

ELLE

It was Saturday night, and all of a sudden, I didn't feel as confident in the dress anymore. I glanced at myself in the mirror one last time and called Tam.

"Tam, I'm freaking out. What am I doing?" I tried to focus on my breathing. "I'm not going. This was a bad idea."

"Calm down! You're fine. Just stop thinking about it and go! You'll have a great time. Plus, remember—you were invited. Suzie wants you there for her special day. She'll be disappointed if you don't show."

Tammy was right. Adam's sister and I had developed a really close bond. We'd kept in touch for a while after Adam and I separated, but at some point I had to distance myself. It was too hard to stay part of her life while knowing what I'd left behind—and knowing how quickly everyone else had moved on after I was gone.

Still, I knew Suzie genuinely wanted me at her wedding. Her carefree nature had probably kept her from worrying too much about whether it was a good idea. New girlfriend or not, Adam was bound to find it awkward for me to be there.

At first, I'd RSVP'd without hesitation, excited and happy for her and Nathan's wedding. But as the weeks passed, the reality of what it meant began to sink in. Going meant seeing him, his girlfriend, and the rest of his family again. That was when I'd decided not to go after all. But I hadn't had the guts to tell her.

Now, I just had to go. So be it. What was the worst that could happen, right?

"All right, yes—you're right. As always." We ended the call, and I walked out of the bedroom.

"What the hell? Where are you going dressed like that? I told you I'm going out with the boys tonight." Rick's expression was incredulous.

"I'm going to Suzie's wedding. Adam's sister, remember? I told you about this a while back." I looked down and busied myself with my dress. I knew how jealous he could get, and I didn't want to start a fight.

"Adam? Adam's—" He stopped short. "You know what, it's fine. Have fun. Don't wait up for me."

He didn't even say goodbye before leaving, so I knew he was upset.

Oh well, so be it. I had barely seen him in the past few weeks anyway. When he didn't come home at night, he just told me he'd crashed at a friend's place after drinking too much. When I offered to pick him up next time, he just laughed and told me not to worry about it. When I tried to confront him, he always found an excuse to leave the room.

I couldn't even remember the last time Rick and I had had sex. Not that I was sad about that. Lately, it felt like he was just a bad roommate. And I wasn't stupid—I knew there was a good chance he was sleeping with someone else. Truth be told, I was only waiting for the right time to leave him. Every time I tried to broach the subject—like any subject, really—he found an excuse to leave the apartment. My apartment. Because it wasn't really ours if he didn't help me pay the bills.

I shook my head, physically trying to shake the thoughts away, and reminded myself that tonight was about me looking fine as hell and having fun. The rest didn't matter—not tonight.

I gathered my things, took one last look in the mirror, and drew a deep breath. Then I grabbed my keys and got into my car, desperately trying to think about anything other than what I was about to walk into.

When I arrived at the venue, a few people lingered around the entrance. I hadn't made it to the ceremony, but I could already tell they had gone all out. The wedding was at their family's beautiful mansion, surrounded by breathtakingly lavish gardens.

I handed my keys to the valet and walked nervously toward the doorway. I passed clusters of people chatting quietly, waiters carrying hors d'oeuvres and champagne trays on their way to the gardens. I could hear the crowd out back, but I figured I'd start small—see if I knew anyone in these smaller groups.

From somewhere nearby, a live jazz band played. The song they struck up made my stomach twist. Our song. Great.

At the doorway, I paused beneath a stunning arch woven from hundreds of white roses. I couldn't help but smile and chuckle. Of course Suzie's wedding would be over the top.

The Taylors were rich; there was no other way of putting it. And not that they flaunted it—you'd never guess they were millionaires if you bumped into them on the street—but they did enjoy the finer things in life. And why wouldn't they? Cars, houses, fancy dinner parties, expensive vacations. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it. My family was well off too, but not on their level. Sometimes I even caught myself wondering if I'd have loved Adam the same without the money—or if I'd suddenly become richer than him. The answer had always been a firm yes. I'd love that man without a penny to his name. 

Didn't mean I hadn't enjoyed the luxury vacations while I had them.

I had trusted Adam with my life. There was no other way to put it. I never really understood the phrase better half until him. He didn't just complete me—he was like me, only better. Kinder, funnier, smarter. Everyone loved him. He was a genuinely good person through and through. And I'd regret him until the day I died. 

I snapped out of my daydream and realized there wasn't a single familiar face in sight. I pulled out my phone to text Tam, only to see she'd already sent me one: Keep your head high, love you.

I smiled and straightened my stance.