Aching for Adam

Chapter 9

ADAM

I walk as fast as I can towards the stairs, then take them two by two until I reach the nearest guest bedroom. I close the door and sit on the edge of the bed, in complete darkness.

What the hell was I thinking? Why did I kiss her, and more importantly, why in god's name did I stop?

I had dreamt of that moment for so long. Since the day she left. And, it had played out in my head over and over again in a million different ways when my sister told me she was coming to the wedding—probably part of why I realized I wasn't really in love with Jasmine. But never had I thought for one second that it would actually happen. That I would kiss her. But I did it, I kissed her as soon as I saw the same hunger reflected in her eyes, it took me over the edge.

And she kissed me back.

Her face was striking under the moonlight. The wind was gently blowing her hair and I could smell her sweet, sweet scent tingling my senses. Her beauty was incomparable, and knowing how smart, sweet, sassy and just amazing she was, I felt drawn to her like a magnet, I couldn't stop myself. I didn't even know what I was doing before it happened. I wasn't controlling my own body. I just needed to feel her again more than I needed to breathe.

I told her I was sorry, but I wasn't. Not for a second. I would do it a thousand times over if I could. So why did I stop?

I was afraid of going too far. If I ever had another chance with her, I wanted it to be perfect, I didn't want to screw it up by doing anything stupid.

Then again, maybe I was just being a coward. It sure felt like it.

She wanted me, it was clear as day. I couldn't believe it, but she did. In that moment I felt a spark jolt through me.

When I had seen her crying, I was surprised at how strongly I felt the need to pick her up in my arms and cradle her, wipe her tears away and make sure she felt better. I wanted to kiss her pain away and tell her everything was going to be alright. That I was here now and nothing could tear me away from her. Never again. I would never let that happen again. Holding her in my arms while we danced had been the best feeling in the world. It was like coming home.

But she was taken.

I hear a soft knock on the door and my head springs up.

My sister opens the door, comes in and closes it behind her.

"Hey, you okay? One minute I'm watching you dance with Elle, and the next, you're running up the stairs to go hide." She gives me a sad smile. I don't respond. I just keep staring at the wall.

"She still has feelings for you, Adam. It's not too late for you two." I turn around to look at her. Is she serious? I huff.

"You're wrong, and she has a boyfriend," I say, but a tiny light of hope shines through my thoughts. I shut it out immediately.

When she had left me, it destroyed me. I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't let myself have hope, and then get gutted again.

"Adam, she literally told me earlier that she has unresolved feelings, that things aren't going well with her boyfriend. If there was any moment to open yourself up to that possibility again, it would be now." She sighs. "It's now or never Adam. Don't let her get away again. I know how much you love her. Look, I know the possibility of you two getting back together is really small, but if there's a tiny chance, are you really going to let it pass?" She takes my hand, and I look at her.

She's right. My face lights up, and resolve takes place instead of desperation. Elle was upset about seeing me, and she kissed me back; that meant something. It might not mean us getting back together, but it meant something. I had to find out what. If there was a sliver of a chance for us again, I had to pull myself together and face her again. I had to ask her if there was any chance that she could still have feelings for me.

"I have to go," I say, as I get up.

"Wait, Adam. She left a few minutes ago," my sister says, grabbing my wrist gently. My face freezes, and she continues, "but, she's staying at The Plaza." My lips twitch. I remember our night at The Plaza, it was the moment I knew I wanted to marry her, even though it was still early in our relationship. She was beautiful, and she was my family, and I wanted to raise my children with her.

I free my wrist and make my way to the door, turning around before leaving, "Thanks, sis." I give her a genuine smile, and she answers, "Good luck big bro, go get her."

***

ELLE

Once at the hotel, I let out a deep sigh, sit down on the bed and two thumps later, my shoes are on the floor.

But I can't stay still. I can't go to sleep just yet. I need to mull over what happened, the fact that I couldn't find him to say goodnight, and then I realize I probably wouldn't ever see him again. What if I had just blown our only chance at ever having something again? What if right this moment he was thinking he'd made a terrible mistake?

I need a drink.

Shoes back on, I leave the room and make my way to the hotel bar. Not caring for my usual fruity drink, I order a shot of tequila to calm myself.

I pick up my phone and feel guilt creeping up. Not that I really need to feel guilty, not with the way Rick treats me, but, I still feel bad for having kissed another man.

After the forth ring, I give up and pull the phone from my ear when I hear a loud burst of music and a "hello?" coming from the other line. I lift the phone back up and answer: "Hey, I thought you were going to have a quiet night tonight," I say.

"What? I'm sorry I can't hear you, I'm at the bar with Ted," he says, almost screaming.

I repeat and add, "Who are you with, other than Ted," knowing full well that they weren't alone. I could hear the feminine laughter over the phone, and it wasn't the first time he was out and about with Ted and some "friends", and that I wasn't invited.

"Oh, just a few friends", pause.

"Ok well can you call me when you get back home?" I ask.

"Um, yeah, I don't know, maybe I'll end up crashing at Ted's tonight. You know, that way we can share a cab. 'Cause I definitely won't be able to drive myself home." I hear a few laughs. "Listen, I have to go, we'll talk tomorrow." Then the line is cut off.

I don't know if Rick ever cheated. Sure, he has a lot of late, or should I say early, nights out and I'm not allowed to check his phone, but, I don't have any actual proof. Everytime I bring something up, he shuts me down and makes me feel bad for suggesting anything in the first place.

It wasn't the first time I had to go through this with a man. I dated a sleezy, cheating asshole for a full year before I got with Adam. I promised myself I wouldn't ever put myself through that again, but here I am.

And in that moment, I decide I'd had enough. Adam's kiss had given me enough courage to believe I could do better for myself and for my future. Regardless of if I ever saw him again, he had given me the strength to stand up for myself and that was a priceless gift. Whether our kiss was right or wrong, it didn't matter anymore. I wasn't going to take being treated like crap anymore, and I promised myself that I was going to end things with Rick. This time I really would.

And right then, I see him. Adam walking into the lobby and heading to the reception. After a few seconds, he marches towards the elevators.