Aching for Adam

Chapter 12

"So, how've you been?" Tam smiles at me, pity marking her features as if I might break into a million pieces at any moment. But I'm fine.

We're sitting at our favourite coffee shop down the road from her apartment. She had been waiting for me at our usual window table with our usual order, a scrumptious vanilla coffee with an extra shot or two of espresso, and some fancy non-dairy milk foam on top. I don't know exactly what's in it, so Tam just usually orders before I arrive. I'm never on time anyway, even though I try really hard to be.

The day Rick and I broke up, I had spent the day with Tam, filling her in on everything that happened from Adam to Rick.

She hadn't said anything for a few hours, she was just letting me pour my heart out. I thought she would be shocked, but she really wasn't. Apparently, she had expected some version of what had happened, just maybe not in a 24h span.

As always, she was super supportive and made me feel better about the whole situation. "Elle, you need to let yourself breathe, and live a little," she had said with a serious tone.

But after Rick had officially left, and I came back to a half-empty apartment, I had balled my eyes out. I had given him three years of my life and he was gone with the wind at an hour's notice. To be honest, I was upset by the roller coaster of emotions I had been on, and scared of the unknown in front of me. I was fragile, very fragile, but I wasn't anymore.

It had been two weeks since it happened, and I hadn't seen Tamara since. That was probably why she was looking at me like I was a china doll in the middle of an earthquake.

"Tam, I'm fine, quit looking at me like that. Really." I put my hand on top of hers, hoping to sound sincere.

"Alright, I'm sorry. I just want to make sure you're ok. It's a lot to take in." She smiles softly.

"I know, but I'm telling you. It was just one night with... Adam, and well, I know I took the right decision about Rick." I take a sip of my coffee.

"Ok, I'll pretend you didn't look like a kid who just lost their puppy when you said Adam's name, and let you continue to think you're not hurt that he hasn't tried to contact you." She says, looking at me with a great big fake smile.

I guess she was right, I did have some unresolved issues about Adam. It didn't help that we had an amazing night together and then he left without so much as a goodbye. Just the thought of it had a lump forming in my throat.

I deserve worse though. I deserve a lot worse for leaving him like I did almost four years ago. Leaving the man of your dreams for work seems completely crazy, now that I look back, but at the time it seemed like a logical decision.

I had been offered a dream job at a high profile architectural firm, and the salary was unbelievable. It was a stepping stone for me, and, although I sometimes regret taking it, I wouldn't be where I am today had I not taken the job. It helped me gain the skills I needed to manage a team, and allowed me to see what to do—and what not to do—when growing a business.

It was a huge opportunity for me, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't resent Adam for not moving with me. I knew he liked his job, that I was asking him to move away from his friends and family, and that it was selfish for me to ask him to move for me. But still, he hadn't even considered it. Say what you may about Rick, at least he had followed me when I'd moved back home.

Adam had done the right thing for him, and I couldn't blame him for it. But he couldn't blame me for leaving either.

Still, I felt guilty. Mainly because I realized too late that even though I was happy about being able to start my own company, work wasn't everything. And, I probably could have found another way to start my business without leaving the love of my life behind.