One Small Step | ✔

Just Ask

Every minute spent at school
is torture.
Every hour spent at Dara's
is bitter escape.

Because though I can escape
reality,
Soren is
stuck in limbo.

He's unable to
escape death,
unable to
escape life.

I'm playing
the piano and singing,
but
I just can't focus.

Nothing is
able to
keep me
grounded.

Dara watches me one afternoon
and shakes her head
abruptly.
"No. This doesn't work."

"What doesn't?"
I say.
She gestures to me.
"You're too distracted."

She drums her fingers
on the table, all the while
staring at me.
"Tell me, what's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong."
I answer flatly, knowing
if I say 'nothing', she'll
call me a liar.

"Something else is on your mind," she says,
tossing her dark ponytail over her shoulder.
No one else is here.
Just me and Dara.

True to her word,
Dara has been giving me
lessons whenever
there's a spare hour.

I throw up my hands
"Everything."
I respond
scathingly.

Dara raises an eyebrow.
It's the first time
during my lessons
that I've showed bitterness.

"Well, tell me everything,"
she says, but then her brown eyes brighten.
"Or better yet,
play it."

I consider her words
for a minute.
"I don't know what to play."
I tell her.

"Make up your own song,"
she suggests.
"I can't just sing a song without
knowing how it'll turn out."

She gives me a look.
"You don't know how your life
will turn out, but you still
live it anyway, don't you?"

She does
have
a point
there.

She stands up, and says,
"Fifteen minutes.
When I come back,
and you better have something."

I yell after her,
"I can't make a song
in fifteen minutes!"
She turns back and says,

"Emotions are a powerful
thing. You are capable
of doing things you never
thought you were."

And just like that,
Dara
leaves me in the room
with the piano, pen and a piece of paper.

I tuck a strand of hair
behind my ear
and just
think.

I think of young lives lost.
I think of families.
I think of Roman.
And I know what I'm going to write about.

When Dara returns,
the song's words
have been written,
but there's no melody.

"Well?"
she asks, a sly smile
on her face.
And I realize the point of this.

Admit the problem.
Express.
Ask for help.
Who knew Dara was so cheeky?

I suppress a smile
as I say,
"I need your help
writing a melody."

A grin spreads over
her face.
"There we go.
Can I take a look at the words?"

I hand her the sheet of paper
and she reads over it
thoughtfully.
"Hm."

And for the next
hour and half,
she helps me move ahead
and I help her understand.

I sing the words
with everything I've got,
pouring every ounce of
emotion into it.

The grief, the bitterness,
the failure, the vulnerability.
I can feel the burden lifting off
a little with every note.

My voice cracks every so often
and I have to stop for a minute
and compose myself,
wipe away tears.

I remember
as I sing,
everything.
Everyone.

Soren.
Carina.
Adam.
Mrs. Olsen.

Roman,
Ambrose
Diana.
Aunt Margaret.

Jacob.
My father.
And finally,
My mother.

After Carina and
Adam died,
I moved furthur
away.

I hid within myself.
I hated doing anything.
I hated getting noticed.
I became a shadow.

Ambrose burrowed himself
into his studies for a while,
but he realized much sooner
than most of us did.

He asked for help
the second he came here.
He asked for
Dara.

Jacob,
running year after year,
from his pain,
his troubles.

Despite his hatred
for our father,
he is
just like him.

Tate, who
has always been able
to realize good in the world.
To see the light in the dark.

I think of my brothers,
struggling in different ways.
I think of my aunt and father,
so different, both ruined by Cassidy's death.

Aunt Margaret lives by seeing
what Cassidy never could.
But my father
lives in the past.

Roman.
I didn't realize it at the time,
but he reached out for an anchor.
For help.

I responded.
And just like that,
he became my anchor.
Someone to help me.

I think of Soren, Carina,
Adam and Dara
Good people, always
willing to help.

After I finish playing,
I look at Dara
and throw my arms
around her.

She reacts immediately,
hugging me tightly.
"Thank you," I whisper,
tears running down my cheeks.

"You know you just
have to ask when you
need it."
Dara tells me.

"It's hard to admit it,
but it's something
everyone
needs."

Maybe you'll find me
annoying for saying it.
Maybe you already know.
Maybe you understand.

But whenever you need help, it's always there. You just gotta be brave and ask.

__________________________

Yeah, you guessed it. It was kind of a filler chapter. If you have read up to this chapter, I can't believe you have stuck with me and read this because I will admit, "My thoughts are stars I cannot form into constellations." Like actually. I have a brilliant imagination. I'm not afraid to admit thats what I think. I think of the best stories. But I can never, ever, put it into words. So if you have stuck with me so far, thank you so much and I hope I'm not boring you and you keep reading on. I appreciate how much time and patience you're taking with me.